WMJ1012

I believe all this stuff has to come out.
My safety net to feeling it all is God.

To the precise extent I have a relationship with God will I be able to bring up, feel and deal with, and release anger - and grieve.

Also crying is good too. My AA sponsor said I can grieve as I carry the message. It's ok to cry while speaking as long as I've got a message and a Solution to carry too. There's something powerful about that, in healthier meetings

I allowed a sponsor to show me how to see my part in my anger (which is often just emotional.) at night I love writing out 10th steps, then doing step 11.

I sit with the lights out and set my IPhone alarm for maybe 12 minutes. I pray and ask God for whatever it is I hope to see or feel or be brought, then I sit on my butt and open my palms to receive His wisdom or care or strength or whatever it is I need...

Sometimes fear comes up and I let myself feel it without running...I feel the shock of the fear and God brings me what I need to deal with it. Sometimes a vision of how it could be ok if I trust and rely on Him, sometimes I just get a feeling of safety or courage.

I have to show willingness if I want to get better, else I can stay in that stuck angry place

I let myself cry sometimes and I can feel when it's enough or when it's right (grieving) vs self-pity (self-pity is the Devils playground...i don't want none of that)

And I have to be grateful. I am grateful that I'm an adult child because all my pain has given me willingness and my willingness brought me to the AA Big Book 12 Steps which gave me God...and then a set of instructions to pass on to other Adult Children who want it...those who are hopeless and desperate and really want to do the work.

And I continue to walk shoulder to shoulder with some pretty amazing women...

I feel good on many days and during any times and I know pain continues to be my touchstone to further growth if I use it rightly...I have a purpose today, there's as reason for me to stay alive.