Am I the only one?
Behold the power of NO
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
Am I the only one?
I am in recovery for both Alcoholism and codependency and all in all I am doing good and I post on both sides of SR.
I also happen to be an ACOA. One thing I have noticed is that I try to avoid dealing with those issues as much as possible and that I very rarely post in the ACOA section of SR.
To be perfectly honest, I avoid this place.
Once in a while, I will stumble upon a post from this section while looking at what's new on SR and it's like almost every time I identify with the posters and start getting that panicky queasy feeling in my guts and my anxiety level goes way up.
Someone a while back had started a step study and while I wanted to join in, the idea of doing the steps for those issues had me in tears and I just could not do it.
I know it's probably the Ostrich syndrome but seriously, am I the only one to get anxious while reading this forum?
I also happen to be an ACOA. One thing I have noticed is that I try to avoid dealing with those issues as much as possible and that I very rarely post in the ACOA section of SR.
To be perfectly honest, I avoid this place.
Once in a while, I will stumble upon a post from this section while looking at what's new on SR and it's like almost every time I identify with the posters and start getting that panicky queasy feeling in my guts and my anxiety level goes way up.
Someone a while back had started a step study and while I wanted to join in, the idea of doing the steps for those issues had me in tears and I just could not do it.
I know it's probably the Ostrich syndrome but seriously, am I the only one to get anxious while reading this forum?
Behold the power of NO
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
I am not asking this to be facetious but I just read and responded to a post about house work and I way over reacted..my palms are sweaty and I am just starting to breathe normally again. That's not normal.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 27
I get a bit anxious reading it but what really gets me going right now is the The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills with a storyline about two sisters where one is on and off the wagon and her sister is the codie. I have to turn it off!!
Perhaps you do have some anxiety issues that could be helped by talking to your doctor.
Perhaps you do have some anxiety issues that could be helped by talking to your doctor.
happy, joyous an free!
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: northeast
Posts: 693
no you are not the only one Carlotta! i tread very carefully in this part of the forums too. i think it touches that little girl in me who is still scared and suffering. i know i will deal with those deep issues at some point but i am very timid about it - unlike the work i do in my other recoveries. alcoholism and codie here too! think they might be related to the acoa!? i do...
it's like i'm working backwards from codie (recent) alcoholism (on going but started work awhile ago) to the early stuff, acoa, which still impacts me today. baby steps are happening in therapy and in my other recovery work which often touches on the roots.....
my therapist and i have talked about doing emdr therapy to eradicate the fear and trauma of my childhood but i'm not ready. it's tough stuff for sure. i'm finding peeking in here and reading others deep shares is helping. i can't do a lot of it though. yeah, it's scary but i think necessary.....
i want to let it go.
it's like i'm working backwards from codie (recent) alcoholism (on going but started work awhile ago) to the early stuff, acoa, which still impacts me today. baby steps are happening in therapy and in my other recovery work which often touches on the roots.....
my therapist and i have talked about doing emdr therapy to eradicate the fear and trauma of my childhood but i'm not ready. it's tough stuff for sure. i'm finding peeking in here and reading others deep shares is helping. i can't do a lot of it though. yeah, it's scary but i think necessary.....
i want to let it go.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Hey Carlotta,
I don't get nervous because my alcoholic parent is deceased, that makes all the difference, the line has been drawn, nothing can be changed, the book is closed, and it is what it is, done and dusted!!
For me, I figure I can help maybe a few people from sharing my experience, maybe I help no one, who knows, but getting my experience out there feels good, in a way it probably helps me too, reconfirming in my mind what happened, how I dealt with it, the mechanisms I put in place, and in many ways the absolute insanity of trying to change my dad when he didn't want to change himself, it is that aspect that makes someone who is both an alcoholic and ACOC very interesting, we are in a special position that we can see things from both sides!!
Part of me feels anger too, like if I keep quiet my dad's alcoholism wins, he never admitting anything or apologised for anything, so if I can't talk about it, then again it wins, so I have a certain stubbornness about the whole thing, which I should probably work on, that says stuff it, I'm gonna share my experiences and not let alcohol win the day!!
In all honesty this Forum has helped me say things that I have told no one in my entire life, and for that reason I am grateful!!
I don't get nervous because my alcoholic parent is deceased, that makes all the difference, the line has been drawn, nothing can be changed, the book is closed, and it is what it is, done and dusted!!
For me, I figure I can help maybe a few people from sharing my experience, maybe I help no one, who knows, but getting my experience out there feels good, in a way it probably helps me too, reconfirming in my mind what happened, how I dealt with it, the mechanisms I put in place, and in many ways the absolute insanity of trying to change my dad when he didn't want to change himself, it is that aspect that makes someone who is both an alcoholic and ACOC very interesting, we are in a special position that we can see things from both sides!!
Part of me feels anger too, like if I keep quiet my dad's alcoholism wins, he never admitting anything or apologised for anything, so if I can't talk about it, then again it wins, so I have a certain stubbornness about the whole thing, which I should probably work on, that says stuff it, I'm gonna share my experiences and not let alcohol win the day!!
In all honesty this Forum has helped me say things that I have told no one in my entire life, and for that reason I am grateful!!
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,036
Carlotta, you hooked me in. I don't post here either, don't even read here, though I qualify.
I started a reply which I lost in a blip. Just as well. The short version is, posting here would make me feel like I was complaining. We weren't allowed to complain. We couldn't even question my father's behavior because to ask would be to suggest there was something wrong and would be a betrayal of love. We loved him = we kept our mouths shut.
This forum would be hard for me to post in often for very similar reasons that I have a hard time in AA. I'm not sure I'm up to it. But from now on, I'll sneak over here more often. It is anonymous, right?
I started a reply which I lost in a blip. Just as well. The short version is, posting here would make me feel like I was complaining. We weren't allowed to complain. We couldn't even question my father's behavior because to ask would be to suggest there was something wrong and would be a betrayal of love. We loved him = we kept our mouths shut.
This forum would be hard for me to post in often for very similar reasons that I have a hard time in AA. I'm not sure I'm up to it. But from now on, I'll sneak over here more often. It is anonymous, right?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Hello courage2, and pleased to "meet" you
You are welcome here, and please feel free to _not_ post. This is a "no pressure" zone and there is _no_ requirement that you post. If all you want to do is read that is absolutely fine.
Totally. All of SoberRecovery is anonymous. Nowhere do we ask for any kind of personal information.
However ...
SoberRecovery is open to the public, which means that the _whole world_ can read what you post. All posts will show up on a google search, so if you post something like "I live in a town called ...., and my alcoholic's name is.... " then people _will_ be able to find that post in Google.
Before you hit the "Post Reply" button take a moment to re-read your post. _Assume_ that your father will accidentaly stumble upon your post, then see if you wrote _anything_ that might give him a clue that it is you. If there are no clues, then you are OK.
If, for whatever reason, that is not enough security for you then do _not_ post in the public areas. You can connect with people just using the Private Message system. We do have members who feel safer just using PM's, and that is just fine.
Welcome again, I am glad you found us.
Mike
Moderator, SoberRecovery
Originally Posted by courage2 
.... I don't post here either, don't even read here, though I qualify....
Originally Posted by courage2
.... It is anonymous, right?...
However ...
SoberRecovery is open to the public, which means that the _whole world_ can read what you post. All posts will show up on a google search, so if you post something like "I live in a town called ...., and my alcoholic's name is.... " then people _will_ be able to find that post in Google.
Before you hit the "Post Reply" button take a moment to re-read your post. _Assume_ that your father will accidentaly stumble upon your post, then see if you wrote _anything_ that might give him a clue that it is you. If there are no clues, then you are OK.
If, for whatever reason, that is not enough security for you then do _not_ post in the public areas. You can connect with people just using the Private Message system. We do have members who feel safer just using PM's, and that is just fine.
Welcome again, I am glad you found us.
Mike
Moderator, SoberRecovery
Bunnies!
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,905
I don't think of it as complaining. I think of it as taking the lid off of a very toxic jar and starting the healing process. You need to get angry at your past. Get angry at people. Then use the tools you have for dealing with those emotions and work on getting better. This is the only place where I know people don't sit here and think, "Oh just stop complaining already!" because we know the hurt and the pain and how real it is. You're safe here.
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,036
Thanks for the welcome, Mike. I'm a pretty frequent user of the support on SR for alcoholics. And my alcoholic father is dead, as are his alcoholic brothers and a bunch of my cousins. My mother is dead too. She probably wasn't an alcoholic or pill addict -- I don't think so, anyway, although she was drunk or out of it on pills a lot of the time.
I think I'll just read here sometimes.
I think I'll just read here sometimes.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 71
Welcome. I relate(d) 100% to what you are expressing. Now however, this is the only place I feel comfortable. It took a while, a lot of anxiety as well and heaping piles of avoidance but once I got past the fear, I realized it wasn't gonna hurt
. I stumbled into ACA while attending AA. I dismissed it initially as I NEVER saw my parents drink. I ignored that AND I never included the silent D word in ACoA...DYSFUNCTION. When I dove into causes and conditions in AA, I interrogated my older Sister about Mom and Dad. I'm the youngest of 4, next sibling is 12 years older. Anyway, I found out that there was ALOT of drinking before I was born and I was kind of left behind by older siblings to grow up in that Dysfunctional Incubator. I went to my first ACA meeting over a year ago and I was completely floored. I left on a conveyor belt and was numb for about a week. After a couple of days, the numbness subsided a bit and I felt a huge boulder lifted. I had answers to why I am the way I am and I was completely empowered by the fact that I was not alone. Oh and also, at that moment, I was D.U.N, done, with allowing my family to control what I could say or how I should feel.....it's MY time now and they can't have me anymore. Sorry for the tangent, your share stirred up some good things for me...my living. Good luck in your journey, be patient and keep moving forward no matter where you trek.
OGK
. I stumbled into ACA while attending AA. I dismissed it initially as I NEVER saw my parents drink. I ignored that AND I never included the silent D word in ACoA...DYSFUNCTION. When I dove into causes and conditions in AA, I interrogated my older Sister about Mom and Dad. I'm the youngest of 4, next sibling is 12 years older. Anyway, I found out that there was ALOT of drinking before I was born and I was kind of left behind by older siblings to grow up in that Dysfunctional Incubator. I went to my first ACA meeting over a year ago and I was completely floored. I left on a conveyor belt and was numb for about a week. After a couple of days, the numbness subsided a bit and I felt a huge boulder lifted. I had answers to why I am the way I am and I was completely empowered by the fact that I was not alone. Oh and also, at that moment, I was D.U.N, done, with allowing my family to control what I could say or how I should feel.....it's MY time now and they can't have me anymore. Sorry for the tangent, your share stirred up some good things for me...my living. Good luck in your journey, be patient and keep moving forward no matter where you trek.OGK
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: east coast
Posts: 1,332
I actually stopped visiting on a forum of adult children of narcissists because it triggered me too much. So, I get that perfectly. I went no contact with my mom about six months ago and it was the best thing I ever did to really start healing. No toxicity in my life. I don't allow it.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Cambridgeshire, UK
Posts: 215
Originally Posted by Carlotta
I am in recovery for both Alcoholism and codependency and all in all I am doing good and I post on both sides of SR.
I also happen to be an ACOA. One thing I have noticed is that I try to avoid dealing with those issues as much as possible and that I very rarely post in the ACOA section of SR.
To be perfectly honest, I avoid this place.
Once in a while, I will stumble upon a post from this section while looking at what's new on SR and it's like almost every time I identify with the posters and start getting that panicky queasy feeling in my guts and my anxiety level goes way up.
Someone a while back had started a step study and while I wanted to join in, the idea of doing the steps for those issues had me in tears and I just could not do it.
I know it's probably the Ostrich syndrome but seriously, am I the only one to get anxious while reading this forum?
I also happen to be an ACOA. One thing I have noticed is that I try to avoid dealing with those issues as much as possible and that I very rarely post in the ACOA section of SR.
To be perfectly honest, I avoid this place.
Once in a while, I will stumble upon a post from this section while looking at what's new on SR and it's like almost every time I identify with the posters and start getting that panicky queasy feeling in my guts and my anxiety level goes way up.
Someone a while back had started a step study and while I wanted to join in, the idea of doing the steps for those issues had me in tears and I just could not do it.
I know it's probably the Ostrich syndrome but seriously, am I the only one to get anxious while reading this forum?
In the big red book (the ACA fellowship text) it says something along the lines of the term adult child and codependent are sometimes used interchangeably... or something like that.
My experience is this; once the walls of my denial started to crumble, in respect of my ACoA issues, I couldn't help but seek out information, knowledge & understanding... all with the aim of recovery. For this (recovery) I still have an incredible thirst.
When I read the laundry list and problem for the first time, I was blown away. I did spend a little while avoiding it, but I knew I had to do something. My delay was mostly because I didn't know what to do.
Finding ACA has been one of the best things in my life, so far. Although, it has bought a lot of pain and difficulty.. I can see progress.
All the best to you
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Nottingham UK
Posts: 241
OP is spot on . I am an ACA, but i fear to tread in this place. The general friends and family forum is ok for me, because it's about issues that are affecting other people. I have also had close friendships and romantic attachments to substance abusers in my adult life, have in fact spent more time living under the same roof as one than not, even after leaving home. But I am no longer in this situation myself, so reading about it in F&F doesn't trigger.
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