happybeingme

Warning this is a rant. I just need to get this out.

The husband finally went back to work today after being off since December 19. This has been the worst break in years. He sat around, did a whole lot of nothing and was a deliberate pain in the backside the whole time. I felt like my life was just like it was before I became alcoholic. I even cried sometimes from our arguing.

Christmas was the pits. Not only did I never get caught up on things I never got into the spirit. I am used to being stressed and anxious during the holiday but normally I have gotten really good at recognising it and taking time to disconnect and regroup. Didn't happen this year. I was miserable. Being around my mom didn't help. It is too stressful trying to just ignore her. I haven't spoken to her but I know I just can't be around her at all. It's too hard.

Things have to change. At least when it comes to holidays I am going to do things different. With my husband, he and I need to talk. I have to apologize and he needs to understand how hard his annoying behavior is on me.

Eauchiche

I'm already planning next Christmas, and the one after that.
A trip to Switzerland would be nice.

OGK

Hey Happy, I'm sorry to hear about the holidays. I can relate, very very much. I know it's just a rant but I can't help but think of how I feel as it relates to what you have written. Things for me never go as I plan them. I have noticed however that through this process, I'm able to dissect things after the fact and make plans for future events. In the past, I'd just get bent and stay bent. I think your observations of how it went down and your plans to move forward are both very very positive things.....very.....did I say that already? Anyway, good to log in the first time for once and read your post.
A belated happy new year to you!
OGK

happybeingme

Good to 'see' you OGK. You are right. It is good to be able to sit with things and work them out rationally after the fact. But, man it was a hard slog getting to the end so I could sit and reflect. Emotionally I haven't felt this challenged in a long time.

Just tired of the crazy sometimes.

makomago

Hap... With all your comments identify I do!!

Same here. I got cabin fever very soon into the holiday, went slightly insane (or slightly more insane) - sometimes slowly sometimes quickly :-) And had a thoroughly terrible time. My children excepted, so that makes it not thoroughly terrible, just plain old ordinary terrible.

I've seen someone is going to Switzerland next year, I might try somewhere slightly more remote (I have family in Switzerland, I won't take the risk).. maybe a small desert island, with nothing but a small team of experts all working out ways to be nice to me. It won't fix me, but I WILL take the chance on that.

happybeingme

Sounds wonderful Mako I have actually been thinking of Germany for Christmas. I hear it's wonderful at that time of the year, I have never been there and it is the land of my ancestors.

Kialua

Interesting to read through and see my connection to my tropical vacations January or February. I see now they were my stress relievers to the whole holiday drama. I used to just burn with the need to get away and would watch ads and sites like an addict till I got my ticket every year. now that both of my parents have passed I don't have that burning need to get away anymore. I have wondered why I didn't care lately and now I see that the stress is gone. Not that I wouldn't want to visit my favorite tropical isle again but it feels so different.

Kialua

I think I might take it up again next year as I sit here with -40F below wind chill