Gabe

Akell, I used to feel "different".
Now I feel "unique".
Big difference in how you feel when you change the word.

aik2174

I hate that I feel damaged. If I look at all characteristics as weaknesses, I get overwhelmed and what little self esteem I have goes down the drain.

I have to keep on reminding myself that I am not damaged by alcoholism, just affected.

dragonlady

I hate being so ******* angry all the time! I'm so ******* sick of being mad that it pisses me off! EVERYTHING makes me ******* angry! As GODSMACK says:
"Sick of my life
I'm tired of everything in my life"

MrsZeus

I hate remembering getting my butt kicked by my father figures
I hate that my mother drinks around my kids
I hate that I feel like a freak in my family because I don't drink
I hate that every family gathering involves a lot of alcohol/pot
I hate that I ended up married to an addict
I hate that I can't seem to get away from it all
I hate that I can't relate to my sister because she's an alcoholic
I hate the way I feel about it all the time.

MrsZeus

I know exactly what you mean. I used to go out and party but not very oftenand if I did I didn't always drink anything. If I did drink, I almost ALWAYS overdid it and felt like crap the next morning both emotionally and physically. I think I was keenly aware of the rampant alcoholism on both sides of my family and was trying to avoid it. I know it's a disease, but I think that if you stay away from it all together, it becomes a non issue.

lynx

I hate the way I felt when he was drunk - like I wanted him to die.
I hate that now he is dead I feel guilty for thinking like that.

Star Gazer

(((Hugs)))

This one struck a chord with me. I don't think I am angry about losing my childhood, I am more sad. I see the person I evolved into because of my upbringing and it is not all that bad. I do, however, mourn my childhood.

granolaprincess

I hate feeling "different" too, like I don't know what normal or healthy is
I hate that I don't know how to relate to people
I hate that I don't know how to be easy-going or out-going
I hate that I'm uncomfortable in my own skin
I hate that I don't know how to trust people without waiting until I've given myself the green light.
I hate that what's left of my family is in denial and I can't lean on them for support

angelsneverdie

I hate the fact that i missed out on a childhood.
I hate the fact that i have to be the parent to the two of them at times.
I hate the fact that when i go out and i dont have a drink that i get asked so many questions, and get called so many names just for not doing what is seen to be the norm
I hate the funny looks I get when one of them is making a fool out of themselves.
I hate feeling responsible

chess

That hits home with me.

rozzalee1954

I hate always being responsible, not allowing myself to drink because I was afraid that I would act the same way my alcoholic mother did, always being the care taker or everyone while they acted insane, sick of the always...... Sometimes I would just love to get drunk and act crazy and not worry about being responsible, but then I worry if I would be able to come back because I know with all the anger and hate that I have inside me would just flow and not be able to stop..... I am trying to let go and let god but it is hard when all you know is insanity all your life.....

rozzalee1954

I hate the "shame" that I feel for all the stupid things that everyone has done because they were so out of it that they didn't see the disgust in everyone's eyes, only I did......

rozzalee1954

I hate to be the person that has to "super think, and feel and care and control and manipulate ha ha..... no I like that one......

rozzalee1954

sometimes I hate to hear the little cute replies, it just feels good to actually say it all the ugly things that are inside to just let them escape and be heard, then when I go back inside myself I can understand myslelf better. At times I like the nice cute replies but not always, sometimes I just want to be like the alcoholics in my life.... monkey see monkey do......

Trapezoid

What I hate most about being a child of an alcoholic is . . . the alcoholic.
And I hate when people try to make me feel guilty for that.

ted

I HATE THAT I BECAME THE SAME AS.
STOP THE CYCLE HERE!!!
I HATE THAT I NUMB MY FEELINGS.
I HATE THAT IT'S HARD TO FORGIVE MYSELF.
I HATE ALCOHOL N DRUGS,BUT LOVE THEM.
.............ted

KcCrystal

I hate not being able to have someone who understood. I also hate the feeling of not knowing the truth from a hole in the ground. I hate that my mom left when I was 2, and left me with my drunken father..

SANDRA13

ITS MY FIRST TIME IN ONE OF THESE FORUMS MY FATHER STILL IS AND ALCOHOLIC . IM GROWN UP PHYSICLY AND HAVE CHILDREN . BUT IN SIDE I DONT FELL RIGHT I HAVE SO MUCH ANGER I CANT SEE STRIAGHT. I HAVE A BOYFRIEND THAT LOVES ME BUT ILL I DO IS TRY TO PICK FIGHTS SO I CAN LET IT ALL OUT BUT I KNOWS ITS BECAUSE MY DAD. I HAVE BEEN READING SOME FORUMS AND I CAN RELATE TO EVERYONE I CANNT REMEMBER MY CHILDHOOD I CANNT REMEMBER ONE MY PARENTS WERENT FIGHTING . I JUST WANT TO BE ABLE TO COOPE WITH THE ANGER BECAUSE ITS NOT FAIR TO ME OR MY FAMILY.

SANDRA13

I Hate That I Cannt Be Normal
I Hate That I Cannt Be Happy
I Hate That I Cannt Be Myself
I Hate That I Didnt Have A Childhood
I Hate Being So Angry

dragonlady

S*** Sandra! You sound like me! Totally!