WMJ1012

Do you work the ACA program? Do/did you like it and why or why not?

Do you find that in your state there are face-to-faces meetings where people are actually going through the steps in ACA in order and really doing the work at home?

Thanks for sharing

happybeingme

Have not done the program. Have read some of the book. There is only one meeting I could ever get to in my area and it only meets once a week so I don't go

WMJ1012

I have to say. I'm really surprised no one here works ACA.
Nothing? No literature even?
Alanon?
Anything?

ajarlson

I did alanon long ago. The lessons were invaluable.

Kialua

I highly recommend it, but it didn't exist when I needed it. I did find the books as they started coming out and found great relief in them. Went to some alanon meetings but they were a bit in shortcomings for me and my situation. This forum has really cemented the whys and hows of my situation.

Payne

I did a few meetings, Read all the books, for me the two biggest factors were, 1. this website being able to see that others felt the same, to be able to share my feelings without fear of being looked at like I was crazy was huge for me. 2. was when I was blessed enough to find the most amazing support system a girl could ask for. My friends also read the literature, they went to meetings with me, they encouraged me to talk about it, to see what had affected me, embrace it, and try to let the past go.
Being surrounded by people who supported me and let me be me was a huge thing. However as much as I love my "normie" friends and was blessed by them I was also lucky enough to have 2 friends and a boyfriend who have worked the ACA program too.

WMJ1012

In the main 12 steps (AAs Big Book) it says half-measures avail is nothing. Not half - nothing. That has been my experience.

It also says on the 2 pages where a Spiritual Experience is described in that book that the only thing that can stop us from recovering is "contempt prior to investigation". That's having a negative opinion about something I haven't really investigated (thoroughly.) this is why Alanon suggests that newcomers attend at least 6 meetings before they decided if it's for them. This is true for anything in life. I have to give it enough tries (the number depends on what it is) before I can really develop an opinion about it.

I do believe that everyone has the right to tier own path too. I just know that for me 12-step fellowship has principles that are comforting and work for me. I also do a few things outside of it - but not until I was in the latter steps for a while.

Kialua

While I don't disagree with the philosophy above I think that many of us, including myself, didn't attend meetings because they didn't have them when we needed them years ago. God met us where we were and with the help of books, friends and church I found the healing I needed. It may not have been textbook AA correct way to find the healing but it was a value nonetheless.

The alanon meetings that were offered were not enough and not aimed at my needs. I found the information skewed to how to still live with the alcoholic not valuable. I didn't live with my parents any longer and I was on a new road. I didn't appreciate hearing how people were still in love with the alcoholic, the perpetrator in my view. It pained me to listen to that.

Currently there are many more meetings and resources to be found in many areas. However there are still many areas and countries that still don't have ACoA meetings. That's where this board comes in handy. The stickies above are a wealth of information, and the posts of peoples journey's are even more valuable. The camaraderie is great even if it's just online. There is just something so freeing when one finds they are not alone in this situation.

WMJ1012

Thanks for your experience

Did you know there are phone meetings? They're all day long and really really helpful. There are members there from CA and all over the country that have a lot of experience and are working the ACA program. They need support too as they are often between 10 - 25 people.

They're listed on the ACA website.

desypete

forgive me but what is aca ?

DesertEyes

Easy does it, WMJ. There are 100,000 members on SoberRecovery. Last time I looked about 5,000 said they attend ACoA meetings. This forum is very quiet, peeps drop in once a week, or less. So have a seat, relax, chill out.

You are in the wrong forum, this is _not_ an AA forum. If you want to quote from a book please limit yourself to conference approved ACoA literature. We respect _you_ by not throwing quotes from our book in your face, kindly gives us the same courtesy.

Mike
Moderator, SR

BunnyNest

I attend ACA meetings weekly and work the program. I love the program. The laundry list and the solution really speak to me and I have seen tremendous progress in myself. We do a step study meeting.

Starting face to face meetings is not difficult. I'm very grateful to the one that started ours a few years ago. More are starting to pop up around us now.

Kialua

It stands for Adult Children of Alcoholics.

WMJ1012

I love what I do in my program. People haven't been my HP for a long time.

OGK

"People haven't been my HP for a long time. "

I like to hear that. For me, this speaks to a host of feelings I have but ultimately it reminds me that I needed to Trust "people", for once. I'm grateful to come to understand that I don't have to feel let down when trust is broken. That feeling of "let down" ultimately lies with the other, not me. I never was able to look at it that way before I started the work. I also was able to appreciate "Others" in my life as HPs. I neglected to see them for what they are, mostly I think because in my early entry into AA, I tried very hard to only see the HP as it applies to a "Diety", not people. This feeling I'm describing, and also pilfering from you, comes down to surrounding myself with positive, like minded people I would like to emulate. Real human role models, HPs I never had as a child.
Thanks for the pre weekend jolt.
OGK

NWGRITS

There are no ACA meetings where I live. I'd attend if there were. Not everyone is a 12-stepper, either. To each their own.

ajarlson

Counseling worked for me. I went to a few al-anon meetings and took what was useful and applied it. Everyone's different, I just needed that reality check that no I wasn't crazy, that I couldn't fix anyone except myself, and that my feelings are valid. Once I embraced all that, I was able to rise above the pettiness and do what I needed to do at the time. I am sure the 12 step programs work for a lot of people, I just wasn't one of them.

Morning Glory

I attended ACA meetings for about a year. They fit for me much better than al-anon.
I was never comfortable with al-anon and only went a few times.
I was able to learn so much from other's experience here though as far as becoming aware of my son's alcoholism and accepting what I could not change and taking the actions I could live with.

I did not officially work the steps, but God dragged me through them.
Most of my issues were deeply buried and unknown to me.
I tried to write out the steps, but it didn't really work because I didn't know what I couldn't remember. I spent 5 years in a good kind of terror as God showed me what I had buried and forgotten. I ended up with thousands of pounds of pain lifted from me.

It was a spiritual experience that changed my life.

NWGRITS

I'm glad this thread was posted. On a whim, I went to the ACA website and searched my area. There is a newly formed group that meets on Thursday nights, about a 25 minute drive from where I live. I won't be able to make meetings until my husband returns from his work trip, but now I know that we do, in fact, have an ACA meeting here! I was able to share that last night in my Al-Anon meeting, and nobody else knew the ACA meeting existed, either. So, thank you.

makomago

Hi, I've been a little absent from this here forum.

I attend ACA and I work the program. I do service in meetings, I started doing a skype meeting too. I work with one or two fellow travellers. I never miss a meeting.

My experience is I love it. However, recently whilst doing some of the tough stuff, its become not fun and I've sort of relapsed into codependent ways/laundry list traits strong, unmanageable life of my own making (thanks you know who), relying on old ways of thinking and acting. It's been a real lesson, I can tell you.

3 months ago, I thought I'd become the promises. Pink cloud, maybe, or a well earned dose of humility from upon high for taking my eye of the ball!!

I've also worked the 12 steps in AA. Despite my confession of my humanity above, I'd like to say I'm program centric. I've seen real progress despite where I'm at today.

In fact in many ways, even where I am today in this 'relapse' of my own understanding/definition IS progress. It's progress that I can admit it, it's progress that I've asked for help, it's progress that I wasn't as bad as I could have been (I exercised restraint). I kept going and didn't give up, eventually I got honest before too much damage to self and others.

I know more about myself and my thinking today, than I did yesterday.

... Anytime soon, some gratitude will appear and then I'll know I'm heading up, not spiralling down.