"Should I talk to Dad?"
sparkling hazeleyes
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Alexandria VA
Posts: 81
"Should I talk to Dad?"
Going back to my anger issues from my last post, I was wonder should I express these feelings that I have been having lately to my Dad? I know I have A LOT of anger towards him that has been kept bottled up deep inside me since I was a little girl. I do blame him for my pain, my depressions, and the way I turned out today. I blame him for how he was verbally and emotionally abusive towards my mom and me, and it hurts me deeply to see how gentle, kind, and loving he is with his new wife and family. And it really sickens me when I hear them say how wonderful and helpful he is, Bullsh*t! They just don't know him! He is still an alcoholic, and has told me just recently that he will do what he wants with his life and that include drinking. Yes, this pisses me off!! How dare he neglect, mistreat, and verbally abuse his wife and own fleshing blood, but can treat his 'new' family with love, dignity and respect? I am FURIOUS and I am SAD! He has made the statement that he wished that he was the one who would have died instead of my mom, and you know what, I second that! I know that is a terrible statement to make, but that is how I feel right now. I want my Mom back!!
My questions are should I express my feelings to my Dad, and if not, what should I do with all of this anger I have towards him? Should I tell him that he cannot be around my children when he has been drinking? Should I just avoid having a relationship with my Dad altogether?
Sad_Hazeleyes
My questions are should I express my feelings to my Dad, and if not, what should I do with all of this anger I have towards him? Should I tell him that he cannot be around my children when he has been drinking? Should I just avoid having a relationship with my Dad altogether?
Sad_Hazeleyes
Still hangin` on...
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: MA
Posts: 337
(((((((((((((((((HAZEL))))))))))))
Counciling is probly a good idea. I really have no advice. I feel for you though.
Acting out on your anger right now would not be wise. You might do/say something that you will regret. Calm down--easy does it!! Try going to a Naranon meeting tonight--sharing with people who can relate will help--you need the support right now.
You will be in my prayers.
Ann
Counciling is probly a good idea. I really have no advice. I feel for you though.
Acting out on your anger right now would not be wise. You might do/say something that you will regret. Calm down--easy does it!! Try going to a Naranon meeting tonight--sharing with people who can relate will help--you need the support right now.
You will be in my prayers.
Ann
believer
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: walking in faith
Posts: 1,023
Hi Hazeleyes,
I think you have too much anger right now. Expressing yourself to your dad at this point would probably only cause him to be defensive and not at all receptive to your feelings. He would feel attacked and whatever his response was, it would not be enough to erase all the pain and anger you have inside.
You might try writing a letter instead. Address it to him and write down everything you want him to know. Then, put it away for a few days, maybe even longer. After a while, pick it up and read it again. You can decide to keep it or tear it up, but I wouldn't recommend sending it to him.
Hang in there,
JG
I think you have too much anger right now. Expressing yourself to your dad at this point would probably only cause him to be defensive and not at all receptive to your feelings. He would feel attacked and whatever his response was, it would not be enough to erase all the pain and anger you have inside.
You might try writing a letter instead. Address it to him and write down everything you want him to know. Then, put it away for a few days, maybe even longer. After a while, pick it up and read it again. You can decide to keep it or tear it up, but I wouldn't recommend sending it to him.
Hang in there,
JG
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
((((Sad)))))-
JG has some real solid advice there and so do the others. I read something about anger once in a book called "BOUNDRIES: where you end and I begin" by: Anne Kathrine,M.A. that said: "There is an incredible difference between anger surrounding a real issue and anger generated around scapegoating issues. When the issue is genuine and from the heart it doesn't burn, it isn't scary. When anger is being diverted from some other person or issue, it scalds. It creates new problems in the relationship that would not be there if the true feelings and problems had been communicated".
Growing up in a very disfunctional family myself I know that sometimes it is very hard to even understand what the real issue is....I have been doing a lot of sorting and getting to the bottom of a lot of my stuff over the past couple of years. My dad died at 48 years old of cancer and I guess he was an alcoholic my mother is a pill addict and an overeater it was a very messy family life for me and stuff is being passed on to the grand kids in our family because nothing has been worked out. But....even though I loved my dad so much imagine my shock when I uncovered my anger towards him I mean he is dead how can he even work this out with me I miss him and I am sooooooooo pissed off that he did not take better care of himself and that he died right when I was just starting to understand him from my own prespective not my moms who was constantly belittling him and still does to this day(but, that is another issue) I wrote a letter to my dad and went to his grave and read it to him it was the first and only time I had ever been back after his funeral and my life changed after that. I feel so much better and my own recovey started to really step up after that. I bet you have some issues concerning your mom that you don't want to look at because she died and you feel bad about that and who wouldn't but, so you scapegoat them on to your dad... take care!!
JG has some real solid advice there and so do the others. I read something about anger once in a book called "BOUNDRIES: where you end and I begin" by: Anne Kathrine,M.A. that said: "There is an incredible difference between anger surrounding a real issue and anger generated around scapegoating issues. When the issue is genuine and from the heart it doesn't burn, it isn't scary. When anger is being diverted from some other person or issue, it scalds. It creates new problems in the relationship that would not be there if the true feelings and problems had been communicated".
Growing up in a very disfunctional family myself I know that sometimes it is very hard to even understand what the real issue is....I have been doing a lot of sorting and getting to the bottom of a lot of my stuff over the past couple of years. My dad died at 48 years old of cancer and I guess he was an alcoholic my mother is a pill addict and an overeater it was a very messy family life for me and stuff is being passed on to the grand kids in our family because nothing has been worked out. But....even though I loved my dad so much imagine my shock when I uncovered my anger towards him I mean he is dead how can he even work this out with me I miss him and I am sooooooooo pissed off that he did not take better care of himself and that he died right when I was just starting to understand him from my own prespective not my moms who was constantly belittling him and still does to this day(but, that is another issue) I wrote a letter to my dad and went to his grave and read it to him it was the first and only time I had ever been back after his funeral and my life changed after that. I feel so much better and my own recovey started to really step up after that. I bet you have some issues concerning your mom that you don't want to look at because she died and you feel bad about that and who wouldn't but, so you scapegoat them on to your dad... take care!!
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