dionysos803

While I've decided to go no contact with my AF, as to be expected I still try to analyze the person he is today. I continue to remain without any contact between us but need to take to the forms now rather than confront a mentally incapable person.
Out of nowhere today I gound myself puzzled the person my AF has become. As it hit me today, this guy can not recall my fiances last name what typw of pet I have and its name, where his other son applied for a job and had multiple interviews for the same job all last week. We've come to expect and accept this behavior with him and his mental capacity. But I realized the things he cant remember are specifically towards his family. Hevcan recitevthe pgillies lineup andbtheir recordvat any given time. He knows thevnames of thebkida of sonebchick he met online (which didnt last long).
Truthfully im not mad or hurt that his family means less to him than a spirts team does. Im just shocked to realize he is still capable of retaining any information he may come across in his condition. Much so less tedious long lists and stats which he can recite as though its common knowledge.

Time2live4me

Yes I can relate to this I went no contact with AM on 11-19-14. Before this if I were to bring up any unpleasant childhood memories of mine which are PLENTIFUL mother acts as though I made it up and am being overly dramatic. It amazes me and I wonder if she truly doesn't remember it (I guess if you are constantly drunk memories may be foggy) or is lying or ????? Who would make such terrible memories up I wish they were made up!! And why would I have motive to do so?? Trying to make sense of senselessness Is futile... I read a great all encompassing quote "dealing with an alcoholic is like having an endless conversation with the mad hatter"!!Spot on

ajarlson

Again, Time, I think we lived the same life LOL. When I have attempted to bring up the things she has done it's like I'm inventing an alternate history. My alcoholic x-husband did the same thing in different ways. Gaslighting, they try to make you think you're the crazy one (not sure if it's intentional or not). When I went to a counselor recently (after a friend of my mom's made multiple harassing phone calls) and started to tell her about my history, she would finish my sentences. It might have been the first time I really thought I was absolutely sane and being around her might just be making me crazy! And then there's the "everything's all right now so let's just pretend everything has always been all right" mode. I think I might hate that more than the abuse.

irisgardens

Having finally gone no contact with my AM last year...13 years after Dad died and my caretaking was no longer needed (she relied on me for compassionate care/hospital work) and my sister for the practical stuff--she 'turned' in almost an instant...my sister even quicker...I said something in the moments after Dad died about the way she treated my sister (believe she was always jealous except when I was the odd sister out) and I pointed out that her tone was abusive...was in the part of my therapy where emotional abuse was coming out and was in sorry shape myself...had reached the place where I realized that I felt that I 'was' a mistake -- and since I was waking up as I went...didn't really realize it would kill the relationship--and just trying to be protective of sister as I always had been. Well...that was the end of the relationship with both...and today they both seem to be best friends...me...I have been focusing on survival and getting through my own family issues with addiction (still being honest until last year when I finally got the point from mother--I had called her from Chile because we were going down again...and husband was in denial...and begged her to tell me she loved me (at the top of my lungs in a cyber cafe) and she told me she was disappointed in me--and that she would not believe that I only had a bit of hot water (3 minutes in harsh weather) and was eating bread and cheese (affordable food) and living in the midst of a plywood/non insulated construction site that was leaking heavily in the heavy winds and storms)--and told me that my husband had to call to tell her what was 'really' going on.

Long story short...I ended up praying to God for a miracle...had two friends from high school (an exchange student thing when I was 16) who are very faith filled women and poor and were able to support me as I supported them...and some other things happened...and I got a call from a headhunter who I hadn't heard from in 4 years (the economic downturn...especially for someone over 55 was brutal) and got a new job...flew out...and kept going...with husband finishing his jobs there and us trying to help 'active heroin addict' daughter (realizing after another year--that she was just manipulating and cut me off...then my adult daughters who were cutting me off...) and now I have lost that job due to stress and am down for the count.

Am just working my program...but I do know that my mother cut me off when I was no longer useful to her as did my bff (over a lifetime) sister--and it is very possible that I will never see my last daughter and the family is fragmented...and I can't hold things together emotionally any more...and I don't know what to do...so am taking one minute at a time...and just trying to let it out...whatever it is...and to do what I can...and to not feel hopeless. Grateful for the therapy that is paid through through the end of December.