Difficulty following a project
 

Trudging along on the happy road of recovery I come across characteristic #2:

"Adult children of alcoholics have difficulty following a project through from beginning to end."

In my case I think this is a matter of personal responsibility. I never had any examples of that as a kid. I knew I did not want to grow up to be like the adults in my family, who were completely irresponsible. However, I did not know at the time that "responsibility" was the name of the issue, never mind figuring out that I didn't have any either.

Once I got into therapy, and in the early days of my sobriety, I learned quick. I was able to latch on to the concept that being responsible would make me different from the adults in my family. That alone was a phenomenal motivator. What happened then is I went completely overboard, and as my darling wife tells me, I am now over-responsible. Which I think is really characteristic #4 and #11, but I'm getting ahead of myself :-)

I do have a great deal of difficulty focusing on a project when I'm under too much stress. I've been a stress-kitty all my life (I've only got _three_ different companies I started and manage :-) I'm used to it, but once I reach my "capacity" I become totally frazzled. At that point it takes quite a bit of effort to focus on a project and get it done, my mind just keeps wandering back to all the issues that are causing me stress. Perhaps a little of characteristic #8 there for me.

Here's is where I need to practice gratitude, as well as that ol' "Let go and let God". The gratitude I don't have a problem with, my life is filled with miracles. But that "Let go" implies trust, and that is something else I have no clue how to do. (hmmm... no "trust" issues in the list of characteristics... maybe I should call central office and offer to head up a commitee to add that in <lol>)

So I'm dialing down my "over-responsibility". I'm shutting down one of my companies, which the economy has trounced anyway. I'm giving myself permission to _not_ be the only one in charge of getting things done. Giving this Higher Power permission to take control of some things ('course, He's been in charge all along, I just can't quite figure out how to "trust" in that)

So I think I'm doing pretty good on the responsibility issues, making good progress, thanx to the other recovery programs I've been on.

Mike :-)

I never learned to follow through or commit to anything. My Dad changes religions like I change dirty shirts. He has never followed through with much that I can think of. He doesn't have a core belief. He agrees with everyone, and his being seems to be totally dependent on what others think of him. Growing up with that, I didn't have much of an example to learn from. Through recovery, I know who I am today. I know what I want, what I think. I can commit to things because I'm not committing for all the wrong reasons. I commit to things because I want to. I can follow through because the results I will get are for me. I used to commit to things because I was supposed too. I committed because that's what others expected of me. I never thought of what I wanted. Recovery helped me to realize that what others think of me is not that important. It was more important for me to be true to myself. I felt like I would die if I let someone down. Now I know that I will be fine, and so will others if I disappoint them. Getting to know and care about myself has been one of the best relationships I have ever had. Hugs, Magic

Mike,
Thanks for the great share. I'm really glad you're here.
Gabe

Deserteyes,

I agree with you on adding trust to the list. Sometimes I have difficulty trusting others, and then there are times when I am too trusting. Yes, I definitely agree that trust should be added to that list.

I enjoyed reading your post.

Sad_Hazeleyes

The trust thing has always been my greatest stumbling block. I grew up putting my trust into people who proved time and time again that they were not trustworthy. It was a hard lesson to learn, but I learned it. When my father and older brother abused us, my mother didn't protect us. Your parents are the first authority figures in your life, and when you learn to be fearful of them, I became fearful of all authority figures and couldn't figure out why. But now I know different, they are just people like you and me, not some all powerful figure. Now here is the one that I agonized over, why couldn't I put my trust in a Higher Power. I knew there was a God, but why was I having such a hard time trusting. It wasn't until I got to know a friend of mine dad, that I realized that I grew up without any good male role models. It was then that I realized how much a father could love a child. I finally knew it not in my head but in my heart that God loves me even that much more. Even the best of people can let us down, because after all they are only human. But we have a Higher Power that we can trust and will always be there. Seija