kittycat3

I've really been working at detaching these days with my alcoholic mom. I have made some mistakes in the past and have let it get me down so much that I've drank (even just last week, sad to say), but I'm sober now and putting that first.

My family asked her to get help in October, and she stonewalled us and is now not speaking to me or my sister. We get updates from our stepdad and we hear she has cut back on drinking but not enough, he says. I know with my head that there is nothing I can do but there are times when I want to break down and cry and beg her to reconsider.

The last time we spoke I said, I miss you mom and I'm sad that we aren't talking. She said tersely and angrily, "yeah well I miss you too" and changed the subject. The call was brief anyway and she ended up hanging up on me right after angrily telling me that she doesn't want "another lecture from me." It saddens me to no end that she is pushing me out of her life, especially when I am single in my mid-30s and so badly want a child of my own. It angers me so that she DOES have children and then treats us as if she doesn't want the burden. I know because of her illness that she is not capable of loving me the way I deserve to be loved but it still hurts. At some level I also know that it is her loss, that she suffers the most by not being able to be vulnerable with us. And I try my best to be kind to the person inside of me that knows I am capable of much richer and deeper relationships...that the fact that I am hurting means that I have depth.

I don't really have a question here, but needed a place to vent so I don't feel compelled to get blotto. I am re-reading Codependent no More, what a great book. Thanks for reading, everyone. Hugs to you all suffering in similar ways.

happybeingme

Thank you for sharing your story. It is hard to feel rejected by someone who is supposed to love us. But, it happens. Our parents are imperfect humans just like we are. And some are just incapable of love at all.

Stay away from the booze. It helps nothing and can hurt a lot. I have almost 3.5 years sober. You can do it too. Life is beautiful without the booze.

irisgardens

Glad you are sober and putting that first.

Thank you for telling your story.

Kialua

Great post. Yes it is one of the ironies of our life, to be "motherless" while having a living mother. But it served as a great example of what not to do when I had my own. In your thirties is a great time to have kids, old enough to do it right and not too young to be selfish. Good luck.

kittycat3

Thanks friends, means a lot to know you are out there and that I am not alone.

irisgardens

You are definitely NOT alone!

Time2live4me

My mother also tells me she doesn't want another lecture LOL well she should have been careful what she wished for bc it came true on 11/19/14 and I said you won't have to hear it anymore bc this is GOODBYE! I said goodbye to the drunk and I hope that one day she gets sober and says goodbye also but I have to accept that may never happen and life must go on without that chaos

ajarlson

You are not alone, I have had the same "I don't need another lecture" and now I just don't talk to her at all. I still have the anxiety reaction when I see it's her calling, it's definitely not easy going no contact, but it sure is more peaceful.