happybeingme

Last night my sister called. She asked me what I was doing. When I told her laying in bed reading she said oh its that time? I said yes. ( I go to bed early. Insomnia problems) Anyway she asked how my son was doing and I told her good. Than she launches into this long tale about my eldest nephew, her oldest. Which included how proud she was of him in helping out a friend and how she was going to help as well. Blah, blah, blah.

After making a few opinions I shut up and switched into mhmhmh mode. What surprised me was this was exactly how I used to be. If I wanted to talk to someone and it wasnt a good time I would ignore that and plow on quickly to tell my story. Like my sister it would be a tale of how I was some kind of hero for helping someone whether or not it was needed or appropriate. I still struggle with those stuff at times and realized in this situation I need a big deep boundary in the sand. But, not for my sister not to cross but one for me not to cross.

OGK

I'm sure I've said this before and I'm really sure that I say this to myself a 100 x a day. Changing the negative, embedded, traits I've clung to for so many years is such an exhausting task. I have to remind myself that "recognizing and identifying" those traits in the moment is actually a very positive step and a healthy part of the process, even if I didn't get a chance to correct them. I'm jealous too, you actually sleep? What's that like?
Thanks for sharing, I can identify.

happybeingme

Yes I sleep sorta. Its weird. I can be exhausted but the minute I lay down I am wide awake for usually two more hours. Than because my dogs are a pain I am up anytime after 3. As long as I get four hours I am up. Naps are an integral part of my life.

While it is good to recognize those maladaptive behaviors I am also a bit disheartened to see them in my sister as well. Family disfunction just doesnt spare anyone.

irisgardens

This is a wonderful thread. It says something for me. I used to be your sister...I didn't know any better...and I used to be the mmmfff person...don't know really who I am now...but working to be with people who are able to 'give and take'--it is exhausting and I have a lot of resistance to it...took me several weeks to be able to overcome resistance to go to a naranon meeting recently...and I realized that I am exhausted all the time. Thank you for sharing...it helps to know that I am in good company. I love reading and need to wind down early and it takes a lot to wind down...it all takes energy.