Just a Bundle of the Characteristics Today
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 56
Just a Bundle of the Characteristics Today
So here I am--having a hard time at work lately. I honestly don't believe it's anything too catastrophic--as the place where I work *does* fire people and I'm sure that my boss would have something to say in terms of a warning if I was actually in trouble. It just seems like I've made a handful of little mis-steps in the past several weeks, and I'm starting to feel upset about it--and it's bringing out all of my characteristics.
First--Adult children of alcoholics judge themselves without mercy.
Example: Today I asked a staff member to scan and send something to a student and it was too long--and the circ staff are a little OCD and tend to want to lecture people when they find that you don't know their jobs inside and out. Anyway--my boss ended up asking me to contact the student to make other arrangements--and didn't seem to peeved about it or anything. Yet, I was in my head calling myself a f*** up and a dumb a**. Etc.
Second--Adult children of alcoholics take themselves very seriously.
Why is it such a big tragedy that I've made a few mistakes in the past few weeks? Like I said above--my boss is aware of all of them, she's clarified things when it seemed necessary, but nothing has ever come my way at this job that even remotely resembles disciplinary action. What is my problem?
Third--Adult children of alcoholics constantly seek approval and affirmation.
I'm starting to feel like it's a big deal anytime anyone clarifies anything to me--or explains another way of doing things.
Fourth--Adult children of alcoholics usually feel that they are different from other people.
I've been starting to feel like everyone I work with sees me as an a** clown. I'm pretty sure they don't in objective reality--however, every time something happens, I feel like that person is walking around hating me for it after the fact. And when I say "something happens" I'm meaning some little thing that I'm probably thinking about much more and much longer than anyone else is.
These are the times I wish I knew what normal was and because I'd like to be it. It seems like times of high stress--which the last month or so have been off the charts stress-wise, both at home and at work--all my accumulated crap surfaces. Sometimes I feel like I have a handle on myself--and others....well...
lol
First--Adult children of alcoholics judge themselves without mercy.
Example: Today I asked a staff member to scan and send something to a student and it was too long--and the circ staff are a little OCD and tend to want to lecture people when they find that you don't know their jobs inside and out. Anyway--my boss ended up asking me to contact the student to make other arrangements--and didn't seem to peeved about it or anything. Yet, I was in my head calling myself a f*** up and a dumb a**. Etc.
Second--Adult children of alcoholics take themselves very seriously.
Why is it such a big tragedy that I've made a few mistakes in the past few weeks? Like I said above--my boss is aware of all of them, she's clarified things when it seemed necessary, but nothing has ever come my way at this job that even remotely resembles disciplinary action. What is my problem?
Third--Adult children of alcoholics constantly seek approval and affirmation.
I'm starting to feel like it's a big deal anytime anyone clarifies anything to me--or explains another way of doing things.
Fourth--Adult children of alcoholics usually feel that they are different from other people.
I've been starting to feel like everyone I work with sees me as an a** clown. I'm pretty sure they don't in objective reality--however, every time something happens, I feel like that person is walking around hating me for it after the fact. And when I say "something happens" I'm meaning some little thing that I'm probably thinking about much more and much longer than anyone else is.
These are the times I wish I knew what normal was and because I'd like to be it. It seems like times of high stress--which the last month or so have been off the charts stress-wise, both at home and at work--all my accumulated crap surfaces. Sometimes I feel like I have a handle on myself--and others....well...
lol
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: east coast
Posts: 1,332
Sounds like things have been a bit rough. I try to take a step back and look at things objectively when I get that way. Maybe too much is going on at work and you need to reduce your work load. Or maybe stuff is going on at home and the feelings are spilling over into your job. Other times its just normal burnout and you need a few days to disconnect and recharge.
Whenever possible I try to make sure I schedule time for just myself. I try to honor the kind of person I am and really make sure I take care of me.
Hope you feel better soon
Whenever possible I try to make sure I schedule time for just myself. I try to honor the kind of person I am and really make sure I take care of me.
Hope you feel better soon
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 56
happybeingme, Thanks for this! I think your experience definitely applies to me--and I suspect there are several things going on here. While it's TMI--I've realized that my hormones are going through normal fluctuations this week--which always throws me off balance a bit. Two, I haven't had a proper "weekend" in a while--just a day off here or there (which I generally use for things like laundry, preparing dinners for the upcoming week--you know, work..lol), and three, it's almost midterms and the students are getting crazy.
Sometimes their stress and aggravation gets to me--it's hard for me to separate their feelings from my own sometimes. There is always a sense of panic on a college campus around exam times...lol. Fortunately, next weekend, I will be having a three day weekend where I can recharge myself. I'm feeling better today than I did yesterday, so that's a start. This stuff seems to catch me off guard every so often--even though I know it's always lurking somewhere.
It seems like in times of stress or not feeling 100% physically, I allow things to get to me more than they probably should.
A really funny thing that happened yesterday--one of our other librarians was getting ready to teach a class and she had forgotten to take a cart of reference books to the classroom that she pulled for the students to look at--she came over to get them (before class started--no harm no foul) and was talking herself down about it--saying how stupid it was that she forgot. I was like "Hey, it's been a super busy day--and you're probably feeling a little tired from working the night shift last night. It's not stupid that you forgot for a minute--go easy on yourself." It seemed to really cheer her up. There I was thinking--if I'm not judging her for that--why do I judge myself (and expect others are doing the same) for the same kinds of things? I need to work on being as forgiving to myself as I am to others.
Sometimes their stress and aggravation gets to me--it's hard for me to separate their feelings from my own sometimes. There is always a sense of panic on a college campus around exam times...lol. Fortunately, next weekend, I will be having a three day weekend where I can recharge myself. I'm feeling better today than I did yesterday, so that's a start. This stuff seems to catch me off guard every so often--even though I know it's always lurking somewhere.
It seems like in times of stress or not feeling 100% physically, I allow things to get to me more than they probably should.
A really funny thing that happened yesterday--one of our other librarians was getting ready to teach a class and she had forgotten to take a cart of reference books to the classroom that she pulled for the students to look at--she came over to get them (before class started--no harm no foul) and was talking herself down about it--saying how stupid it was that she forgot. I was like "Hey, it's been a super busy day--and you're probably feeling a little tired from working the night shift last night. It's not stupid that you forgot for a minute--go easy on yourself." It seemed to really cheer her up. There I was thinking--if I'm not judging her for that--why do I judge myself (and expect others are doing the same) for the same kinds of things? I need to work on being as forgiving to myself as I am to others.
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 196
I can be the queen of "spiralling" when I'm stressed out. Lately has been one of those, those are the times I try to go back to the basics to get myself back in control. I journal, i set 15 minutes to lay on my bed with no phone, tv or other distractions and cuddle with my three big dogs. I totally get doing the negative spiral, I hope you can take some time to breathe and relax soon! I'll send good thoughts your way!
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 56
Thanks Payne! I'll take any good thoughts you're willing to send 
Even though I don't usually work out on Wednesdays--my leg, which has been giving me trouble for quite some time--has been feeling pretty good lately and I think I have enough energy to go for a short run tonight.
That always resets me when I'm feeling crazy. That's where I can fit in some me time without it taking too much time--it also helps me sleep, so it's a win-win. I think that'll pull me through until my "real" weekend. That, and the fact that I have an hour and a half massage scheduled for tomorrow night after work.
Even though I don't usually work out on Wednesdays--my leg, which has been giving me trouble for quite some time--has been feeling pretty good lately and I think I have enough energy to go for a short run tonight.
That always resets me when I'm feeling crazy. That's where I can fit in some me time without it taking too much time--it also helps me sleep, so it's a win-win. I think that'll pull me through until my "real" weekend. That, and the fact that I have an hour and a half massage scheduled for tomorrow night after work.
Bunnies!
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,905
This is what Mr. Grits refers to as "getting squirrelly". I know it all too well. I'm an Aspie, so I have social anxiety anyway, but you throw in the ACoA traits and I can be a real hot mess over what is, effectively, nothing. I just left my job because stress was causing me to make many small mistakes and I knew my time was coming. So I left before it got to that point. My husband is gone frequently for his work and I'm home alone with three of our five kids full-time. Trying to balance work, school, kids, the house, paying babysitters $12.50 an hour just to go to work to make $9.55? It wasn't working. The stress was suffocating. I loved my job. My degree will be in the field of Tourism and Hospitality Management, which is all I've ever known. But I just couldn't hack it at this point in time. Anyway, I hope you can take some time for self-care and get back on track. I'm known for declaring mental health days in our house, even if the school district doesn't approve. 
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 56
NWGRITS, Thanks for this! I'm happy to report that there are several mental health days coming up in the near future. Three day weekend this weekend for starters. And just yesterday I got one of those "you're going to stop accruing vacation time soon if you don't take some--so take some" emails. Makes that decision easier!
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