terminal uniqueness

Old 09-18-2014, 03:26 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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I think that is a great way to approach relationships.

I think it is impossible for people to believe that a mother is anything less than a saint. That somehow merely being able to procreate infuses a woman with this warrior persona that would sacrifice her very life to protect her child. That she becomes a fountain of unconditional love. The thought that a mother could raise her children with profound neglect unable to see her children as anything more than an unending supply of emotional support for her unquenchable neediness is unfathomable to most.
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Old 09-18-2014, 03:32 AM
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I agree. It took me a while to accept that she is not capable.

I used to think I didn't have the maternal instinct. I mean I always loved my kids but I thought I was like my mother and the idea was not to let it show. The fact is she just does not have it.

I came to find out that I do have it but I had no example on how to express it. I had to be shown unconditional love for me to learn how to express it to my children.
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Old 09-19-2014, 12:45 PM
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"I am damn tired of the recovery work" says HBM.

This portion of your thought has not been lost on me, just been thinking about it for a couple days. Is this a new phenomenon for you? If it has come up in the past, what kinds of things or actions have you done to mitigate the feelings of emotional exhaustion?

I frequently find myself being tired of ALL the work as well sometimes and actually, feel guilty that I have to work so hard on THIS when I just should be living. Hope that makes sense but just wanted to point out that I can totally relate to your thought I conveniently plucked out your great post.
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Old 09-19-2014, 12:53 PM
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"The thought that a mother could raise her children with profound neglect unable to see her children as anything more than an unending supply of emotional support for her unquenchable neediness is unfathomable to most." HBM

Totally shocking, yes. I really didn't see this until we had children of our own. Hanging out with other young parents/friends was kind of an awakening process for me without a doubt. I was never around other families, I was never around other kids in a familial setting so of course it was a shock to see that my childhood baseline for "normal" was actually so distorted.
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Old 09-20-2014, 08:38 AM
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Just thought I would check in briefly. OGK I will definitely address your questions eventually but my son was in a motorcycle accident Thursday night. Minor surgery and lots of broke n bones but he should be coming home today with me playing nurse maid. Be in touch when I can.

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Old 09-20-2014, 09:18 PM
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He's lucky Happy, to have only a few broken bones and to have his Mom to take care of him. No worries on replies, I'm not going anywhere it appears, I really enjoy this forum, great peeps and top notch ES&H....a plethora one might say?
Good thoughts to you and yours.
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Old 09-21-2014, 05:37 PM
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Thanks OGK. I know how fortunate he is. There were no witnesses but based on injuries and condition of bike he went down on his side and stayed on the bike. So, he did just like his dad taught him. But, he is wheelchair bound for the next several weeks.

Anyway onto your question. No, the phenomenon is not new. Just havent found the place to share it until now. I feel like that diabetes commercial that says "even if you think you have your blood sugar under control test often" My emotional life is a million times better than I ever thought possible and yet the work isnt done. Sometimes I will say something, or react a certain way and I am mentally slapped with "you still need to work on that". Other times I have to kick myself and say " you been just cruisin' along for too long". And sometimes I am just tired of having to work. But, it has to be done if I want to make sure I never slip back into the abyss of depression again and either pick up again or harm myself. My sons accident unfortunately made me a little more aware of my weaknesses than I want to admit. Thats why I am replying to you tonight rather than just vegging out. I need to touch base with recovery stuff at least every other day.

Anyway enough rambling. Hope I answered your question.

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Old 09-22-2014, 11:36 AM
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"My emotional life is a million times better than I ever thought possible and yet the work isnt done". Says Happy

I'm actually comforted in hearing those words. I get caught up in feeling...am I done yet? Can somebody pull the cord already and stop the bus? For instance, I put my head on the pillow last night with 365 in the books. I took a very deep, pure, anxiety free breath as I revisited all that I have been through from day one. It felt good, not victorious but good. I was calm. And DING!!! All be damned, I awoke feeling like there's a months worth of work due today by 5. It's different however. I feel I can take apart the perceived obstacles now and work them out fairly quickly with positive results. It's still new and shiney but I'm pretty sure I won't get tired of these new toys. Words of warning, don't subject your Son to the Lifetime channel all day, he may not come back, ha! He's lucky to have you there, enjoy your mending time.
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Old 09-22-2014, 12:55 PM
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Haha! No Lifetime for him but I think he is systematically watching everything on Netflix.

Yes, the tools we have,the more streamlinelined emotions, the confidence. It is wonderful and I am grateful. I think perhaps that is part of the problem. Not taking time to just be grateful
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