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Old 08-14-2014, 10:31 AM
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New to the board

I must first off admit, I am not the child of addicted parents. I want that to be known up front. I read some of the posts, and I have felt odd, as the substance was not there, yet, the abuse, in many forms were there, and they have been carried in my heart and soul all of these years later.

If there is another board I should really being going to, please someone direct me as it is not my intent to hinder on other people if this is not where I should be.

I guess, in a sickness inside of myself, wish that my parents would have had a substance addiction so it would be an easier pill to swallow, but they did this all on their own accord. Uggg, that just put a pit in my stomach thinking about.

I want to learn. I want to understand. I want to be healthy for me. I want to get strong so my life choices are better. I want to feel whole. I want to heal that inner child. I want to really be aware of myself.

Okay... at the river, flip flops off... dipped my toes in... it is odd... it is scary, but I know I am strong and I need to do this. I need to do this.... I deserve this.
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Old 08-14-2014, 11:29 AM
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My dad was an alcoholic, eventually leading to my parents being divorced and I still can't understand much about my childhood, it used to frustrate me a lot, I had more questions than answers and it was on my mind nearly all the time!!

As you say do it for YOU, live your life for you, the best thing I ever did was look forward more than I look back, it's still important to glimpse backward from time to time, but I always feel a sense of freedom when I remind myself I get to write my future!!

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Old 08-14-2014, 12:57 PM
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This board should definitely help you. I went into therapy for family of origin issues in my twenties. I had no idea what was wrong, just that something was very wrong. My sister and I used to say that we wished we had been beat, so we had scars to prove that we had been hurt. Anyway, my therapist at the time felt that both of my parents likely had narcissistic personality disorder and that my mom probably had other disorders, as well. My parents had always been heavy drinkers, but it wasn't until I was an adult that my mom turned into a full blown alcoholic. Anyway, I can tell you that both situations are very similar and the effects on children are very similar. Take care, read, mourn, don't be afraid.
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Old 08-14-2014, 06:54 PM
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Hi, my parents abused me and my siblings due to alcoholism. I have read other literature and found other forums for abuse but have preferred the alcoholic connection on this forum.

You might like some of these references:

http://www.amazon.com/Adult-Children.../dp/0345363884

A history of a childhood abuse is not a life sentence. Here is hope, healing, and a chance to recover the self lost in childhood. Drawing on his extensive work with Adult Children, and on his own experience as a survivor of emotional neglect, therapist Steven Farmer demonstrates that through exercises and journal work, his program can help lead you through grieving your lost childhood, to become your own parent, and integrate the healing aspects of spiritual, physical, and emotional recovery into your adult life.

Adult Children of Abusive Parents

Sanctuary for the Abused: Adult Children of Narcissistic Parents (ACONS)

Adult Children of Emotional abusers
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Old 08-14-2014, 07:06 PM
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Hello Wendy, and welcome to our corner of recovery

Originally Posted by WendyOR View Post
...I am not the child of addicted parents. ....
No worries. The name "Adult Children of Alcoholics" was agreed to back in the early 1980's simply because that's all we knew at the time. We've come a _long_ way since then. Today we have added the word "Dysfunction" to the name. In fact, a _lot_ of our members would like to change the name to "Adult Childred of Dysfunction", except it would cost a ton of money in terms of copyrights, tax-free status, etc. etc.

Originally Posted by WendyOR View Post
... If there is another board I should really being going to,....
You are perfectly welcome here

Originally Posted by WendyOR View Post
... wish that my parents would have had a substance addiction so it would be an easier pill to swallow, but they did this all on their own accord. ....
My father was an alcoholic, my mother a pill-head, but the worst abusers of them all were my grand-father and one of my uncles. Neither of them _ever_ touched alchohol, they did all the damage totally sober.

I think the most important thing I have learned in my recovery is that all of us have different histories, different parents. The one thing we all have in common is the _pain_ of having been born into a crazy family. It wasn't the pills, the booze, the drugs that were the problem in my family, it was the _behavior_ of the adults.

Originally Posted by WendyOR View Post
...I want to learn. I want to understand. ....
Check out the "sticky" posts at the top of this forum. We have one about book recommendations, lots of good stuff in there. Feel free to toss out any questions, that is the whole reason why SR exists.

Mike
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Old 08-14-2014, 07:13 PM
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Hugs Wendy. Good to see you. I understand what you mean. My dad is an alcoholic, so he kind of has a "reason" for his behavior, however shoddy. But my mom. Like ten kinds of dysfunction going on, and I didn't really start to understand what was wrong with her until I was in my mid twenties. She smoked pot, but that was actually a relief when she spent most of her time hiding in her room getting stoned. Because the alternative was torrents of verbal and emotional abuse, irrational behavior, bizarre accusations.
When I was a teenager she punished me for "trying to plant thoughts in her head." She thought she was psychic and could read minds.
When I was about 25 she ripped the phone line out of the side of the house because she thought Al Qaida was spying on her. I was away at military training, making my usual Sunday phone call, only to get a message that the phone had been disconnected. My brother told me the story after he went out and bought himself a cell phone on payday.
A whole lot of stuff fell into place. Paranoid schizophrenia. She still hasn't technically been diagnosed, but that's what I'm **% sure it is.
I still spent a lot of years being raised by someone whose entire perception of reality is warped beyond recognition. Having a label for it is helping he to heal now, but I understand what it's like for a parent to just be abusive with no real, tangible reasoning behind it (I know that doesn't make it better, but at least you know WHY- they were drunk, whatever). It sure did a number on me, left me feeling like I somehow deserved constant "punishment", because there must be something horribly wrong with ME to make her say and do all that stuff.
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Old 08-15-2014, 02:10 AM
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Wendy,
While my dad is an alcoholic my parents divorced when I was young so his influence on me was limited. The greatest emotional damage was caused by my mother who shows really strong narcissistic tendencies. The physical abuse wasnt so bad but the emotional neglect really messed me up. This is the right place for you.

Mike! Did you give up your position as a mod? If so I hope you are ok and just busy.
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Old 08-16-2014, 12:13 AM
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Of course you're welcome here, Wendy. It's not the act of my AM's drinking that screwed me up. Her narcissism and abuse (and the subsequent enabling and abuse from my FOO) are the underlying issues, not the drinking itself. If she hadn't been an alcoholic, I likely would still have had a crappy childhood.
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Old 08-16-2014, 08:30 AM
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Talking

* Minor thread hijack *

Originally Posted by happybeingme View Post
....Mike! Did you give up your position as a mod? If so I hope you are ok and just busy.
ty for asking I am not a "daily" mod, there's other mods that patrol every single day. Poor health does knock me out for a day or two every week, but otherwise I'm doing ok

* Returning to your regularly scheduled program *

Mike
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