An Alcoholic Mother

Old 08-11-2014, 03:57 PM
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Unhappy An Alcoholic Mother

I am writing this so i can get support from people out there who have gone through the same thing.

Many people have problems with their dads being alcoholic but it is my mum who has alcohol issues.

my mum started drinking when i was about 10 although we didn't know it at the time because she would claim she had migraines and would hide away in a dark room with bottles of whiskey and vodka and would drink until she passed out when we found out she was drinking it was because we found 3 bottles of Smirnoff vodka and 1 bottle of whiskey under her bed after that my dad banned all alcohol from the house but only two days after that my mum ran away when she ran away i would spend endless nights up waiting for her to come back when she did come back it was a week later when she had binged all day everyday and had then run out of money she continued to do this another 20 times whenever my mum came back she would get into arguments with my dad and me at the age of 10 she would call me things such as bitch,**** and would swear at me repeatedly and would also physically hurt me as well as emotionally this led me to start self harming and i started again when i was 13 it also effected my performance in school but after a while she stopped but after a while we figured out that she was hiding vodka in her water bottles but then she stopped completely for 6 months but while going through cupboards and found 2 flasks one stank of alcohol and one had a little in the bottom but when i mention it to my dad he just gets angry and so does my mum and they shout at me so what do i do?????

please help!!
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Old 08-11-2014, 08:33 PM
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Hello glb, and welcome to this little corner of the web

Originally Posted by glb123 View Post
I am writing this so i can get support from people out there who have gone through the same thing...
Well, my story is different. My father was the alcoholic, and he did all the disapearing. I can't really address your questions directly because i don't have the same experience. I can give you a few general suggestions for now. The rest of the "regulars" will drop by over the next few days to give you more specific ideas. I don't want you to feel ignored by the lack of replies, this is just a very small and quiet forum, it can take a few days for everybody to check in and reply.

Originally Posted by glb123 View Post
... so what do i do?????
You already did the first right thing. You are on the internet looking for help, that is exactly the right way to start.

The next thing is to educate yourself about alcoholism, and the best place to do that is right here on this website. Check out the "sticky" posts at the top of this forum, and also visit the forum "next door". Please feel free to post over there as well. That forum is _full_ of people and you will get answers right away.

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Take a little time to read thru the "sticky" posts, and browse through this forum and the other one "next door". You will see that many people are dealing with the same problem as you are, and that there is a lot of information and support for you, not only here on this website but in real life as well.

The next thing is to make a plan for how you are going to deal with your Mom's addiction to alcohol. In order to do that you need to find out what resources are available in real life. I don't know what part of the world you are in, so I will suggest stuff in the USA. The Salvation Army has counselors who can help you figure out a plan. They will know what is available in your community, whether it be recovery centers, lawyers, social workers, etc.

Are there any other counselors available to you? If you are in college there may be counselors you can talk to. If you have a job at a big corporation they sometimes have counselors as part of their health insurance plan. Any of these can help you make a plan.

Another place you can go is meetings of al-anon. You can search for a meeting close to you at this website:

http://al-anon.alateen.org/local-meetings

That's just a few general suggestions to get you started. As you read through the "sticky" posts you will come up with questions about this whole "disease" of alcoholism. Please feel free to post any questions you may have. That is the whole reason why this website exists, to help people who are dealing with alcoholism in a family member or loved one.

I am really sorry you are going thru this hardship, I can't even imagine how awful it must be for you. I am glad you found us and I hope we can give you the answers you need.

Mike
Moderator, SoberRecovery
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Old 08-12-2014, 07:39 AM
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Hi. Are you still at home in school? If you are it's important to talk to a counselor at school. Yes Alateen is a good place to talk also, they have a lot of help for teens.

I remember being a teen at home with an alcoholic dad and it was very hard. But I didn't even have the understanding to tell anyone, I thought everyone's dad was like mine because we moved almost every year and I never got to see anyone's family up close. You are very mature to ask for help. You can get through this, I know it might seem impossible now but you can. The more you learn here and at meetings the more you can help yourself.

The first thing I learned is to be emotionally detached from my parents so what they did and said to me didn't hurt me emotionally everyday. They beat me and said mean things to me all the time. But I knew it was because they were nuts and not because of anything I did. I never blamed myself, somehow I knew it was their problem. I never really tried to change them and it took till my dad was 80! for him to stop drinking.

So I decided at a very young age to never be like them, not to drink and not to be mean to kids. As time went on in high school I did start drinking and did a terrible mess of it, quitting entirely by 12th grade. I knew it was just an escape that was making things worse not better. When I graduated high school I left as soon as I could and never once went back to live with them.

So what can you do? You can learn to help yourself and ask for support, which you just did.
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Old 08-12-2014, 10:21 AM
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I am sorry to hear this, I have an alcoholic mom too. She didn't raise me, but we always want someone to be mom and it is very difficult to realize that sometimes people can't be who we want them to be. Alateen and counseling. Can't stress it enough. Everything everyone said above is spot on, it's not your fault, you can't change her, and talking to someone will help you get through it. It's not easy. I'm 50 and just now able to start the detachment process although I have been hands off for quite a while now. Counseling helps - can't say it too many times. Thoughts are with you - stay strong.
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Old 08-12-2014, 11:41 AM
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The important thing is to realise that your parents are leading their own lives and they get to make the decisions in those lives!!

My dad was an alcoholic, and the quicker I realised my dad was never going to listen to anyone else's advice, the easier my own life became, I had to surrender that adults make decisions, lead their own lives and at the end of the day have to live with the consequences of their own actions. I left my mum and dad to it in the end and carried on with the things I wanted to achieve in life!!

Focus on YOUR life and live it, alcoholism is a cruel disease but until the alcoholic wants to change, there's no point annoying yourself with frustration, focus on your life, and if your mum changes then great, but if not then at least you haven't wasted years putting your own life on hold!!

SR is a great place for support, I also attended Al-anon and Alateen when I was younger, which might be worth checking out!!
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Old 08-12-2014, 11:55 AM
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Hi glb. My Mom is an alcoholic as well, and I grew up in the home with her and my father, who was very determined to make life comfortable for her. Not so much for us kids. While I am confident he loved us and believed he was doing the right thing by holding our family together, it is extremely difficult to live with one person who is out of control and another person who is hell bent on protecting her. It may be that your father isn't capable right now of admitting how serious your mother's drinking problem is. Please don't let that affect how serious you know it is for yourself. You're not crazy. The situation is NOT normal.

If you are in school, please speak to a counselor there about what's going on with you at home. Sometimes an outside perspective can make all the difference in the world. If there is Alanon or Alateen near you, face to face support and understanding is invaluable. Please keep coming here. We understand what you are going through.
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