Alcoholic mom died, dont know what to feel
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 1
Alcoholic mom died, dont know what to feel
Hi I just googled alcoholic mom just died and found this site. I am 22, my mom has been an alcoholic her entire life. She died about a month ago she was 57. her death wasn't alcohol related which made me feel better. apparently she had just started to try and get help, last year for christmas i asked her to just be sober for a while she lasted about 2 months and then promptly made up for lost time by drinking. I have been to a couple ACOA meetings in my town but I was the only one there under 40 so i stopped going. Like any ACOA I just focused on taking care of other family members after she died. Now that things are somewhat going back to normal I just feel myself getting deeper and deeper into a hole. I have depression and am on medication, I am still very depressed after her death but my daily suicidal ideation (every minute or item i looked at would become and idea for suicide) stopped when she died. I am overweight, unemployed, single and all i want to do i sleep all day everyday. I go back to school in the fall but I dont know what to do with myself until then 
Magsie
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,681
Hi Lorkhan and welcome to the forum. My sympathy for the loss of your mum, whatever she did, she was your mum.
There are many people here with similar situations to yourself who can relate to you. I lost my mum a few years ago and it knocked me for 6 about 6 months after she'd died, which I had to get treatment for.
I think I could've crawled away from the world for a time to not want to be with anyone, anywhere, thing was, I was always there, if that makes sense.
In the uk we have bereavement councelling, perhaps there is help where you are too.
I really hope you stay and talk to people here, take care.xx
There are many people here with similar situations to yourself who can relate to you. I lost my mum a few years ago and it knocked me for 6 about 6 months after she'd died, which I had to get treatment for.
I think I could've crawled away from the world for a time to not want to be with anyone, anywhere, thing was, I was always there, if that makes sense.
In the uk we have bereavement councelling, perhaps there is help where you are too.
I really hope you stay and talk to people here, take care.xx
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,437
Seeing a professional is ideal. When my alcoholic father died, I felt a great relief. He had repaired his life at 80. But to able to go to sleep without wondering or getting "the call" was such a relief. It will take a while but you will get used to it. Meanwhile read through the site, post when you need to, and make yourself number one for a while.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Hello and Welcome. I am so sorry for your loss. I know my church has grief therapy group sessions, have you thought of anything like that? The fall will be here before you know it, it's great you are going to go to school.
Keep posting, you are not alone!
Keep posting, you are not alone!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Hey Lorkhan!!
My dad died an alcoholic a few years back, in contrast to your mum, alcohol was the cause of his death, but either way there are questions and many thoughts that are created as a result, many questions that don't even have answers, or never will.
For me focusing on myself was important at the time, I needed to make peace with the fact that we all lead our own lives, and there was nothing anyone can do to change the path that someone takes.
It's gonna take time to find your drive in life again, but the important thing now is to look after YOU, get the help and support that you need.
Your whole life is still ahead of you, it's there for the taking, when you come through this!!
My dad died an alcoholic a few years back, in contrast to your mum, alcohol was the cause of his death, but either way there are questions and many thoughts that are created as a result, many questions that don't even have answers, or never will.
For me focusing on myself was important at the time, I needed to make peace with the fact that we all lead our own lives, and there was nothing anyone can do to change the path that someone takes.
It's gonna take time to find your drive in life again, but the important thing now is to look after YOU, get the help and support that you need.
Your whole life is still ahead of you, it's there for the taking, when you come through this!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 8
Hi Lorkhan
My mum passed away last September through alcohol abuse. My sisters and I are still trying to adjust and make sense of it all but it is very difficult. I will say that it has got 'better' for want of a more appropriate word and it will for you too.
We need to accept they lived their lives and we were powerless to change it, they had to want it and do it themselves. Im left with many unanswered questions and regrets/guilt but we must realise this wasnt our fault.
I hope you find comfort on the website, I know I do when I visit. Please remain hopeful, you have your whole life ahead of you so, when you feel ready, go on and live your life, be happy.
Take Care
Majeebix
My mum passed away last September through alcohol abuse. My sisters and I are still trying to adjust and make sense of it all but it is very difficult. I will say that it has got 'better' for want of a more appropriate word and it will for you too.
We need to accept they lived their lives and we were powerless to change it, they had to want it and do it themselves. Im left with many unanswered questions and regrets/guilt but we must realise this wasnt our fault.
I hope you find comfort on the website, I know I do when I visit. Please remain hopeful, you have your whole life ahead of you so, when you feel ready, go on and live your life, be happy.
Take Care
Majeebix
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: liverpool, england
Posts: 1,708
Hi Lorkhan
my son died from cancer just 2 years ago he was only 16
i to ended up just sleeping trying to get out of my own pain it seemed the only thing i could do at that time and it problery was as i couldn't face anyone
lucky for me i have a great friend who is my sponsor in aa and he was always there is i needed him and would check on me from time to time and would try to take me out to meetings and things but slowly
i went to the dr and he offered me some pills i could take as i had lost all interest in everythinng even my other kids lost me for about a year
i was there doing the chores that needed doing for them but i wasnt there in terms of being there to let them out of there pain
anyway i didnt take the pills route for me as i have seen to many people become dependant on them so for me and its only me here i didnt bother with them and just plodded on trying to get out when i could or shut myself up when i felt i couldnt
only in the last 6 months or so have things improved for me as i am back around aa and taking myself out of myself etc
but i am lucky as i have a programe and a sponsor for this help and the fellowship of aa as without it i would be sunk
have you tried some sort of therapy ? as we will all need help at times in our lives when things hit us hard and grief is one of the hardest pains known to man
wish i could offer up some advise that can change things for you but i think time is the key here the longer it goes by the less the pain will feel
thats how it is for me today although there isnt a single day that goes by were i am not sad my boy isnt here with me but i have to keep on ploding on as its the only way we get through it in the end
good luck to you
my son died from cancer just 2 years ago he was only 16
i to ended up just sleeping trying to get out of my own pain it seemed the only thing i could do at that time and it problery was as i couldn't face anyone
lucky for me i have a great friend who is my sponsor in aa and he was always there is i needed him and would check on me from time to time and would try to take me out to meetings and things but slowly
i went to the dr and he offered me some pills i could take as i had lost all interest in everythinng even my other kids lost me for about a year
i was there doing the chores that needed doing for them but i wasnt there in terms of being there to let them out of there pain
anyway i didnt take the pills route for me as i have seen to many people become dependant on them so for me and its only me here i didnt bother with them and just plodded on trying to get out when i could or shut myself up when i felt i couldnt
only in the last 6 months or so have things improved for me as i am back around aa and taking myself out of myself etc
but i am lucky as i have a programe and a sponsor for this help and the fellowship of aa as without it i would be sunk
have you tried some sort of therapy ? as we will all need help at times in our lives when things hit us hard and grief is one of the hardest pains known to man
wish i could offer up some advise that can change things for you but i think time is the key here the longer it goes by the less the pain will feel
thats how it is for me today although there isnt a single day that goes by were i am not sad my boy isnt here with me but i have to keep on ploding on as its the only way we get through it in the end
good luck to you
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Hi Lorkhan, I'm so sorry to hear about your Mum. 57 is young to die, and 22 is young to lose her. You are going though a natural grieving process, but suicidal ideation shows it's gone too far.
Can you find any grief support groups in town? The Salvation Army might be good place to ask and you don't have to be religious. Another thought is to sign up for some volunteer work which will get you out of the house and occupy your mind.
Please don't struggle on without finding support somewhere. Use the internet to check out as many resources as you can. One site which might be a start is called BeyondBlue. It's Australian, but country of origin doesn't matter so much these days.
I'm glad you found SR. I've had alcoholic relatives in my life and ended up as an alcoholic myself, and SR has been an important part of my recovery. I found it by googling as well. That was a lucky day for me.
Can you find any grief support groups in town? The Salvation Army might be good place to ask and you don't have to be religious. Another thought is to sign up for some volunteer work which will get you out of the house and occupy your mind.
Please don't struggle on without finding support somewhere. Use the internet to check out as many resources as you can. One site which might be a start is called BeyondBlue. It's Australian, but country of origin doesn't matter so much these days.
I'm glad you found SR. I've had alcoholic relatives in my life and ended up as an alcoholic myself, and SR has been an important part of my recovery. I found it by googling as well. That was a lucky day for me.
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