ACOA Red Book Step Nine
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Join Date: Sep 2013
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ACOA Red Book Step Nine
9. Made direct amends to such people whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
I feel like I need to make amends to our current and past pets. I think I have sometimes used our pets to fulfill my own needs without considering their needs. There are times when we weren't in a good financial place to have pets, but my emotional needs came first, my need to "help" and I took on too many pets, or pets with temperaments that I couldn't handle, to the detriment of my family and our finances, other people and the animal's well being. I have a reasonable number of pets right now and I take good care of them now, so I hope, in that way, I am making some amends, but past experience with some of our pets is the major guilt and shame I carry in my life.
I feel like I need to make amends to our current and past pets. I think I have sometimes used our pets to fulfill my own needs without considering their needs. There are times when we weren't in a good financial place to have pets, but my emotional needs came first, my need to "help" and I took on too many pets, or pets with temperaments that I couldn't handle, to the detriment of my family and our finances, other people and the animal's well being. I have a reasonable number of pets right now and I take good care of them now, so I hope, in that way, I am making some amends, but past experience with some of our pets is the major guilt and shame I carry in my life.
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: east coast
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DD- Thank you for sharing
I have an amends I need to make but cant make it in person. Back when I was in high school a classmate of mine was heart broken she found out her boyfriend cheated on her with a girl she didnt know but it turned out I did. So, to be cool and gain esteem I set the girl up so my classmate could fight her. In the end it wasnt much of a fight but the girl I set up was humiliated and it actually did nothing for my reputation. I felt like crap ( eventually someone fought me for what I did) But I never had the courage to say I am sorry. About 3 or 4 years later that girl I set up commited suicide. She was 17. While I know it wasnt all my fault she was a deeply troubled kid I never got over the role I played in making her life a little bit more messy
I have an amends I need to make but cant make it in person. Back when I was in high school a classmate of mine was heart broken she found out her boyfriend cheated on her with a girl she didnt know but it turned out I did. So, to be cool and gain esteem I set the girl up so my classmate could fight her. In the end it wasnt much of a fight but the girl I set up was humiliated and it actually did nothing for my reputation. I felt like crap ( eventually someone fought me for what I did) But I never had the courage to say I am sorry. About 3 or 4 years later that girl I set up commited suicide. She was 17. While I know it wasnt all my fault she was a deeply troubled kid I never got over the role I played in making her life a little bit more messy
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
I still feel guilty about leaving our pets with my alcoholic ex, but there was no way to bring them with us. Also having the same issue with amends to people who I will likely never see again, including one who has passed away.
I read a good passage in Courage to Change on living amends. The particular example given was leading Alanon meetings and service work, but that could also be applied to volunteering at an animal shelter or donating to a particular charity.
I am still meditating on this step. I made my amends list, but somehow it doesn't seem big enough. I don't know if that's just the old guilt or if I'm actually forgetting a bunch of stuff. I reviewed my step 4 stuff and added one name that I had forgotten, but that was it.
I think I'm going to start this step with my sons, especially my oldest, and then move down the list from there.
I read a good passage in Courage to Change on living amends. The particular example given was leading Alanon meetings and service work, but that could also be applied to volunteering at an animal shelter or donating to a particular charity.
I am still meditating on this step. I made my amends list, but somehow it doesn't seem big enough. I don't know if that's just the old guilt or if I'm actually forgetting a bunch of stuff. I reviewed my step 4 stuff and added one name that I had forgotten, but that was it.
I think I'm going to start this step with my sons, especially my oldest, and then move down the list from there.
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