Synfull Vyxun

Well now I am in trouble, the stepdad messaged me the other day and told me my A mother rang him accidently, so he answered only to hear her drinking, partying and having a great time with some bloke.

So being p**sed at her for trying to get me to send her en email for MY birthday, she made no effort at all, still haven't heard from her, I emailed her the other day and told her;
So great to not hear from you, thanks a lot.,
Hope you are having fun with your random men, ringing your ex and making him listen to you having a good time, you carry on with your happy fun life, while we all suffer, Thanks a lot.

So now she received the email and rang the stepdad and abused him for telling me what she is doing still. Looking back in hindsight, she always played us off against each other, and she told me he said things which now I find out was not true, and vice versa. So now we talk to each other and the truth is slowly trickling out.

But he just messaged me this morning tell me he is not getting involved any more and seems pissed at me to. Probably a good thing though.

I want nothing more to do with her, EVER. I'm good at pissing people off lately,
I can feel myself slipping away,my family n a family friend are going to cop some home truths soon if they keep manipulating me and accusing me of not studying and stuff they have no idea about, I don't drink like they do or anything, I'm not out partying like my mother and most other 29 year old chicks are. My Dad is gonna cop it if he gives me more of mothers guilt trips, I am sick of being the one to have to contact her, if she wants me in her life and to stop "punishing and breaking her heart" she best contact me and apologize profusely for being a lying manipulative drunken a**hole.
My "friend" Scott can do one too, for being unbelievably ignorant. I have now deleted all messages, photos and his number, my grandmothers house has sold, so she won't be living next door to him anymore.
Im sick of everyone guilt tripping me coz I won't go out and get p**sed and then shag them, I hate myself and I hate my life. Most of all I hate my mother!! I am just like her, and I am trying so hard not to be.

I am going to help my uncle do some work on a friends garden and putting up a fence, to make some money so then I can pay back my debt to him and then I am outta here, I will sell the furniture and stuff in my flat, and I will be on the first bus and gone, with no warnings, the only person I will keep contact with is my father in the UK, that is the day I look forward to greatly, as long as they let me.
Maybe I do need to be more loud and abusive like my other aunty, to get through to them all, "It's my life!!!" and I'm doing so much better now I am not slave to my lying cheating manipulative drunken mother but I still have a way to go, and the family of mine are not helping.

My aunty will offer to do something for me, but then manages to get me to her house and then I have to stay until she gives me a lift home, all they do is drink, my uncle is a bit grumpy until he has had a couple of drinks, then gets funny, then gets abusive n nasty. So I dread them days. I make up excuses like I am hungover just so I don't have to go drinking with them, so they think I am always drinking. Its just too hard. She just text and asked if I need a lift to the real estate today, I am ignoring this.

So now it is raining and I have to go pay my rent, I am still agoraphobic and have panic attacks on the way to and from town, thank the starts town is only about 5 minutes walk. I find myself tripping over my feet constantly as I am so nervous.
I don't know why, there is no one here who can stop me in the street and say, "you should have seen your drunken mother fall over last night" etc.

So now to get out of bed, in the shower n out in the rain. then back home to my nice warm bed.

airwick

I can't offer advice, but I can and will wish you well

Be grateful for that "nice warm bed"

NWGRITS

How about agreeing to not talk about your AM? Could you two possibly manage that? I hang up if AM cones into conversation. Talking about her only leads to unnecessary drama. Do you think he'd be on board to only talking about yourselves and leaving her out if it? Since you both know she's playing you against each other (my AM used to do the same thing all the damn time), can you civilly hash it out and agree to just not play the game anymore?

Synfull Vyxun

Hey yeah I have tried that, but this morning it may have worked, as my aunty is always bringing up the other aunty, I was telling my dad about it this morning and he said it himself, just refuse to talk about her, so I brought up A mother and said I don't want to talk about her either, I will send her birthday/xmas cards and thats it.
So hopefully that's the end of it, The stepdad is hopefully not going to talk about her again either. fingers crossed.

Kialua

So have you tried any Alanon meetings yet? There are several listed for the area in your signature. They aren't ACoA but I have visited Alanon meetings and found them very helpful. They work on the same steps and you can easily adapt them for ACoA. The very basic structure is can be helpful as you learn about codependence and emotional distancing.

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/austr...C%20Queensland
Meetings:

Toowoomba Meeting
Every Friday at 12:00 PM
Wheelchair Access St Luke's Parish Hall
152 Herries Street
Toowoomba Queensland 4350
Australia

Toowoomba Meeting
Every Wednesday at 12:00 PM
Wheelchair Access St Patrick's Cathedral Centre
123 Neil Street
Toowoomba Queensland 4350
Australia

Toowoomba Meeting
Every Tuesday at 7:30 PM
Eiser Street Baptist Church
13 Eiser Street
Toowoomba Queensland 4350
Australia

NWGRITS

It's a process. My family didn't catch on for quite a while, but now everyone seems to get it. Hopefully things will be better between you and your stepfather now.

Synfull Vyxun

No I still haven't yet Kialua, I will look into the one on neil street as that is literally down the road, Im still scared though. I can't quite put my finger on why, but maybe it is still because my mother told me I was never allowed to talk about it all, I don't want strangers to know about my family, as they are all allowed privacy but I am not, my family tell everyone everything about me, even strangers in shops, the guys coming to look at the flat next door got told that some strange man tried to climb through my bedroom window, so now I fear they may try as they were not all there in the head, and now know I live alone, (I now have a bigger knife above my bed!!) My mother and aunt have always opened my mail, and in their drunken stupor's told lies about me and some truths that others should never know!!! but yet I have to keep my mouth shut so no one knows the truth, just the made up drunken stuff.

My stepdad said the same, when my mother would go out for drinks n a chat with people they would come back and the other people would be off with him and me, and we had no idea why, all because my mother had been telling the that we were the problem, we forced her to move to Australia, even though she had a choice, and had forced me my whole life. I don't know.
But I promise Kialua, on tuesday next week, I will try to get out my house and get down there, I know it can't make anything worse and I need to do something as I still sit and replay conversations and memories over and over in my head, Im still so confused as how my mother could treat me this way and not care.
I will let you know what happens, thankyou

Kialua

I hope you can find a way to be comfortable telling your truth when you are able. But you may never understand why you are treated so, I never have been told why either. It's just the disease.