Synfull Vyxun

If I cut contact with my dad. Then I am trully alone. I have tried the multiple Facebook profiles. But the people I least expect go running back to mother and let her know where to find me. So I feel better off alone. But not. I will write more when I stop crying, I know you are all right and I will take all advise. Thanks guys.

tromboneliness

No you're not! You've got friends -- meetings, your "family of choice," people like us -- people who get it!

Don't let that old "blood is thicker than water" nonsense fool you. People have to earn the right to be in your life. Our friends do that. Our family? That's just an accident of birth!

T

pavaoiztarza

I suppose you are living in your own flat or elsewhere. Can you please share a little bit more about your life ? What do you do ? What school did you go to ? What is your family's spiritual background ? How old are you ? Do you live in urban area or smaller town ?

I believe this is temporary storm in your life and God is bringing calm weather.

Kialua

Didn't you say that your father was an alcoholic as well? Just wondering, how much do you drink? Because it's a trap a lot of ACOA's fall into with the stress and trauma we experience. But it can cloud our emotions and our thinking to the point that we get stuck instead of getting on in life. I drank from sunup to sunup for several years while living at home to numb the pain, extreme but I was a teen and had no resources at that time.

For me the pain of having alcoholic parents in contact outweighs the loneliness that might or not occur. I did build my life with my husband and friends and it has worked for me. As long as you struggle with the alcoholic in your life you are not encountering the life you are supposed to have and is waiting for you. Your choice.

hopeful4

desypete...there are lots of programs that have supporting ones for children. I know Celebrate Recovery runs Celebration Station and The Landing which are for children and teens. Also, counseling is a great resource for all involved.

To renegayd.....you have every right to do this with your mother. You also have a right to tell your father this is your choice, you are an adult, and if he wants a productive relationship in the future with you that he will respect your wishes not to be involved with an alcoholic mother.

Big Big Hugs.....

Synfull Vyxun

Thank Trombonliness, I remember you helped me a couple of years ago, I know I still have you guys but your arms don't reach whe I need to cry on some one's shoulder, someone to shout and vent at, someone to just be there and tell me things will get better. I do however thank you all for being there for me, as I daren't imagine what I may have done without this site.

Synfull Vyxun

Yes I live in a big huge old Australian house, separated into flats, I know one neighbour only coz his cat shares our flats, lol. the neighbours are not friend material, most alckies or very young party teens. So I mostly keep to myself, I am studying, but it is an online course, so I don't get out much or go to uni or anything, I always seem to be close to facebook.

I am looking for a part time job but it is a bad time of the year, I have mostly worked in the pubs me and my A mother ran, or any job I could get, I AM NOT FUSSY, BILLS NEED TO BE PAID. I am not very spiritual, I do not believe in God, no offence to anyone, but none of my family are church goers or even close to being god fearing. But I believe in the healing power of crystals and such, I am more of a natural spiritualist.
I am 28, I went to an all girls school until the last year where my mother lied to me and put me in a different school, I still don't know the real reason. Maybe she was sleeping with my teachers as they used to come in our pub.

I have moved 12 thousand miles away from my parents and friends, back to my hometown, which has some very bad memories now I have opened my eyes to my real mother. So I am looking to travel this gorgeous country of mine and see it all as I have been round the world 15 times and seen most of it, now I am home and want to feel happy in myself again.
This has been a long storm but I am hoping it will pass soon. Thankyou

Synfull Vyxun

This is the one thing I am most proud of Kialua, I don't drink, don't get me wrong if there is a special occasion like I met up with a friend I hadn't seen for over 10 years, we went to a pub, had lunch and a couple of drinks, then came back to mine to listen to music, chat about the past and have a few more drinks, well 2 nearly 2 bottles of Jack daniels later we went to bed at 4am, Nothing sexual happened like it would of in the past if I was my mother, I awoke the next morning throwing my guts up, and haven't had a drink for about a month now, I never normally drink that much though, that was a 1st.

Apart from that I hardly drink, I hate the hangovers, and I have a hormonal thing which makes me pass out when I am over tired or sick. So find it best for myself to keep everything in moderation, I smoke a lot to get over the stress but I will not allow it to make me drink to forget.

One of my aunties, who is very manipulative, says she is very proud of who I have grown up to be, she was married into the family, but when she first came I was a bit of a ratbag, but that was just hanging around with the wrong crowd, still, drinking was not a problem then.

Mags1

Thinking of you ren, my dad was an alcoholic, I had an horrendous childhood which marred my adult life. I drank too through a lot of my adult life.

I hope you choose whats best for you. xx

tromboneliness

Yes, it's a long way! Although I do have a lot of... er... relatives down under, because that's where Greeks have tended to emigrate in recent decades (I think there are more Greeks in Melbourne than in Athens). My Aussie relatives, also, include some people I like! Alert the media!

T

pavaoiztarza

I understand how you feel, since I was in that position. In my case wasn't the alcohol but pornography, idol-worship, fornication and other evils.

Since I would make the same consideration in your position, would you let me first tell you how deeply I understand how you feel and your concern to make the best of your life ?

Then, if you allow me, I shall add a grain of salt to the message to your mother.

Have you considered this :

Dear mom,

I am writing to express my feelings in regard to our relationship. It has been constantly on my mind lately, that the emotional account between two of us has been drained and gone into overdraft, without anyone having anything to put the balance in back to it.

In spite of this unhappy circumstance, I am telling you how I feel: i am hurt, abandoned, but still having a huge desire to make the best out of my life.
i also have understanding of immense life pressures that resulted in habits, and fiery arrows that poisoned the relationship with your son.

I believe I am acting in the best interest of both of us, if I take a short break of the communication, that has been part of bad air between us. And frankly, I do not know how much time I shall have to heal. Mom, I am not just hurt, I carry the overload of insults, fears and bitterness, that has become such a heavy burden for me.

When two people find themselves unable to carry on, only higher authority can resolve the situation. Someone has prayed for me to God, I am his child and I am worthy and valuable to Him to an extend He laid his life for me on the cross. Hi did that for you too. May this almighty God help you and me in both of our lives.

Renegade

P.S. Please know that for some time I will be unable to connect via Facebook too.

This is Pavao from the rest on: I believe this might help you to rephrase the letter. If there is a fistful of love left, which I believe from your first message draft there was, then you are actually giving yourself time to rest undisturbed, but should you change your mind in the very long term, you would still have the letter-type of communication open.

God of Israel! Have you not said blessed are the peacemakers ? I know you have. Well, Father here I surrender this child of yours to yourself. Did you not say you came to seek and save the lost ? Here is the one to be saved. Father, may this witness be not in vain and may your holy name be glorified in this case in the every life of every person posting on this forum. may they not only walk out victorious ot of these brushable difficulties, but score the eternal life, which you promised.

In Jesus name AMEN

SLady

My daughter is a few years younger than you. If I were to send her a friend request on Facebook, she will freak out. She will think that I am trying to pry into her private life.

IMO, you do not have to justify your actions to your mum or show any proof to your dad. You contact her only when YOU feel ready to do so. In the meantime look after yourself.

With regards to keeping in touch with genuine people that you like, have you heard of the application Whatsapp? How about Skype?

NWGRITS

Set a boundary. I will talk to you unless/until AM comes into the conversation. I had to pretty much cut off contact with my whole family when I went NC with my AM. I told them I wanted nothing to do with her, and I wouldn't talk about her. I went a few months without talking to any of them, but finally my grandmother got it. AM's on-again-off-again (though I think now off for good) boyfriend took forever to learn my boundary, but even he caught on. I'm slowly adding family into my life, but if they cross the line, I stop the conversation.

There were no long letters, except the one I wrote for therapy. That one was never intended to be sent, and hasn't been. It's therapeutic sometimes to write it out and promptly delete it. Your father makes a choice to let your AM jerk him around. That's not your responsibility. Nor is it your burden to have to hear him out. You can simply say, "I will not talk about her, so I must go now." It may take a while, but if he has two functioning brain cells to rub together, it should click at some point. If my 90yo grandmother can find recovery from her codependency, so can your dad. And so can you.

Kialua

My alcoholic dad found recovery at 80 years old. Always hope.