Synfull Vyxun

Day 6.
I have had enough of A mother already, I sent her messages about how my course is going, I was nice and positive about it all and spoke of no personal matters.

THEN I STUPIDLY looked at all the pictures and video evidence I have of her and her disgusting lies, denial, deceit and manipulation. (Photos and videos of her texts, diary and being sexual with random men, from cctv footage.)
I then spent 2 hours in the shower crying, it sort of felt good to get it out, as I bottle up my emotions a lot.
I don't like people knowing that I cry over all this, I want them to think I am stronger.
My uncle has digs at me all the time, 'get over it' ' don't worry about her' 'she is a stupid drunken bitch' that hurts but I know it is true and I wish I could just let go, but she is my mother, I only have one and at the minute I could really do with a hug from a nice loving caring mother. But all I have is myself and the neighbours fat cat, who helps me a lot. He is lucky to have no mother.
So back to cutting no contact,

Last time I jumped on a plane and flew 12 thousand miles away while mother was at a hotel with a random guy, I told no one I was leaving so mother couldn't sabotage my plans, I got my dad to meet me at the hotel near the airport as I had to tell him, but couldn't till the very last minute as I didn't want mother to give him grief or blame him. I text mother from Frankfurt in Germany and told her I loved her but that I was gone, she replied she didn't understand why and that she loved me.
That was the end of it for awhile, until she got hold of dad and guilt tripped him to get me to get in contact with her, when I left I told her I wanted nothing more to do with her until she woke up and got HERSELF some help. I left as I tried to help, but didn't go about it in the right way for my mother. The fall down the concrete cellar stairs was the last straw, a fractured skull and her best friend blaming me for not going and helping her, with that I was gone within weeks.

The latest is she text my dad and asked him to "ask your daughter when she is going to stop punishing and breaking my heart" apparently she had a crap mothers day while all the mothers in the pubs in town were getting spoiled by their kids. This I felt good about, hopefully she feels a little bit of how I feel at christmas and birthdays, Special occasions mean nothing to me anymore. When you are all alone, why bother celebrating.

So now the message to cut all contact....... again......


(all opinions and views greatly accepted and wanted as I don't want this to blow up in my face, I just want peace and happiness and to be left alone to rule my life how I want to, answering to no one but my own conscience. )


Mother,
I am so happy to hear that you are doing well now and congratulations on the job, I hope this continues and your life is a happy one.

I am sorry but I cannot stay in contact with you here on facebook, I will send you cards now and then to your home address.
Just talking to you in the last couple of days has brought back so many bad memories and sent me off looking (ripping my heart out again) at all the evidence of the disease you have. Alcoholism.
I wish it wasn't true and sometimes I wish I didn't try and get proof for my own sanity. It disgusts me how you treated your only child.
You are in denial so much that I cannot stand to talk or even think about you. I know I cannot change or fix you, I hope you can do this for yourself, in your own time.
I hope you understand that I do love you and wish you all the best but you have hurt me so much and I am not yet ready to forgive and forget.
I am getting help with this but I know it is going to take time. Please be patient. I know I am not the perfect child, but I try my best, and I am nowhere near the worst like you seem to think, or make me feel anyway.
Your views on me are very bad and one day I hope you do get to know the real me, but until then I have got to go and live my own life, not answering to you and dad all the time. It is my life. I am going to make mistakes and hopefully learn from them, but only I can do it.

I love you so much and wish you all the best for the future, whatever path you may take. I hope it is a happy one for you.