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Family Issue....still

Old 06-01-2014, 06:41 PM
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Family Issue....still

I'm writing this here bc my father was an alcoholic and my mother currently uses Xanax and drinks. I have 2 alcoholic siblings, both sober. I'm an alcoholic with almost 3 weeks sober. I am in turmoil right now, very angry.

I'll start by saying I am doing my best to completely avoid my mother and sister, due to the fact that I cannot stand them. We live in the same town. IOW, no contact, as best I can.

The problem with this is, the stronger I implement "No Contact", the angrier they get. It's as though they feel I don't have the right to do this. They apparently expect a relationship with me, I do not want one. They apparently refuse to accept this, as if I don't have the right to choose who I have a relationship with. Logically I know I have this right. What drives me crazy is their lack of any respect for this.

It's about control. I'm a full fledged adult and both my mother and sister think I have to do what they want me to do. The more I make it clear, "I don't like you. I'm not interested in a relationship with you", the more they dig their heels in and resist, as if I don't have the right to do that.

I am at wits end. What I really like to do is get a freaking restraining order against them to demonstrate to them their sickness and lack of respect. If they don't respect my boundaries, perhaps they will respect johnny law's. The problem is demonstrating/proving their behavior to the police to justify the restraining order.

I am at my wit's end. I am so freaking sick of this. I had to share this and get it off my chest bc no one I talk to seems to understand.
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Old 06-01-2014, 07:06 PM
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I have no answers.

Hugs to you.
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Old 06-02-2014, 02:34 AM
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I am sorry you are going through this. Based on my experience with no contact the person cant handle it. They push. My mother finally backed off when I finally told her I didnt call her anymore because I had nothing to say to her and that I knew if she needed me she would get in touch. Stand firm, state your feelings clearly and allow no arguing.
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Old 06-02-2014, 02:51 AM
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Mirage,

I remember somewhere hearing that in a dysfunctional family there is sometimes resentment if one of the members chooses to pull away. They may see your refusal to interact as a judgement upon the family system... and rightly so.

Misery loves company. Whatever your role in the family was, perhaps they still want you to play it.

Don't let them pull you down. Sometimes you have to get away,to heal your self in order to build a healthy life, with healthy relationships.

My sisters always got angry if I did not show for family get togethers, especially since the two of them did not get along. The wanted me there, because the discomfort between them was lessened, as I got along with both of them, for the most part. It took me a long time to feel it was ok to do what made ME happy.
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Old 06-02-2014, 03:52 AM
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Originally Posted by chicory View Post
Mirage, I remember somewhere hearing that in a dysfunctional family there is sometimes resentment if one of the members chooses to pull away. They may see your refusal to interact as a judgement upon the family system... and rightly so. Misery loves company. Whatever your role in the family was, perhaps they still want you to play it. Don't let them pull you down. Sometimes you have to get away,to heal your self in order to build a healthy life, with healthy relationships. My sisters always got angry if I did not show for family get togethers, especially since the two of them did not get along. The wanted me there, because the discomfort between them was lessened, as I got along with both of them, for the most part. It took me a long time to feel it was ok to do what made ME happy.
Great post chicory. That is exactly what's going on, although I don't get along with my sisters. It is a judgement on the family system. They get insulted and retaliate instead of respecting my position. Yep, they still want me to play the role they have designed for me. I have no interest in doing that, never did. It just feels like I'm going to have to hit them upside the head with something to make them realize this.
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Old 06-03-2014, 04:04 PM
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They refuse to give me what I want. Why is that? Why are they so intent on making things difficult on me?
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Old 06-03-2014, 06:32 PM
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But its also control on our part wanting them to be nice to us. We can't control them into being nice. And wanting it, needing it, demanding it, doesn't make it happen. The only freedom I have found is in emotionally disconnecting, more than physically.
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