Danielle05

Hi. I am new to this, but hopefully I can receive some good advice! I am at my wits end with my mother. When I was 17 years old, my mother and I left my father who had a narcotics addiction and moved in with my grandmother one town over. Since then, my mother has started drinking heavily. To top it off, she has rheumatoid arthritis and lupus so she takes about 10 medications a day. The combination of the drinking with the meds turns my mother into a different person. She acts like a child, giggling and talking to herself, and she never remembers anything the next day. We fight constantly because I get annoyed having to play the "parent" to her. The past year, her drinking has gotten worse, and we have even had to call an ambulance to take her to get her stomach pumped after she "OD'd" on the combination of alcohol and pills. She promised me she would stop drinking after that, but never held out. Since I am in graduate school, I am still living with her, my grandmother, and my brother (also an alcoholic), yet I am the only one who seems to see the problem here. They all acknowledge the fact that she drinks too much, but they do not feel an intervention is needed. My mother doesn't think she has a drinking problem since she will only have about 3 drinks a day, but she doesn't realize the effects drinking while taking her medication causes. Not only is it embarassing to me to have a mother who behaves this way, but she has also really let herself go in the past year, gaining about 40 pounds. All this makes me so mad because when she is sober, she is the sweetest, most caring woman in the world, and we get along great. Please help me help her. I will do anything, I just don't know how to go about it!

Thanks so much,
Danielle

Gabe

Hey Danielle,
Welcome to Sobery Recovery. I'm glad you found us.
I'm sure that you love your mother very much. Your desire to help her is admirable. But the cold hard truth is, you can't.
She will only get help for her drinking problem when she is ready to do that.
The only thing that you can do right now is to get some help for yourself.
Coming here was a great first step.
Have you thought about going to Alanon meetings? That is a great way to meet people who are going through similar things that you are.
Stick around. There are a lot of people here who understand what you're going through.
Gabe

ali42

Daniell,
I'm not sure I can be of help to you..but, I will try. I used to drink heavily myself and it appears your mom is trying to hide the pain of leaving your father. Unless she comes to realize she has a problem and needs help...it will be hard to get her the help she needs. Unfortunately, taking that many meds...or any meds for that matter...and mixing alcohol can be very dangerous. If you can get some support from the family to try to get her to see she is not only hurting herself...but, she is hurting those who love her the most...maybe she will come to terms with the problem and seek help.
Don't give up....there is plenty of help out there if she chooses to take that step. I pray for you and your family...hang in there.

Ali

Redhead

Hi Danielle,
I know this doesn't really have to do with helping you, but i was just wondering, what was it like when you and your mom left your father? My dad is an alcoholic, and my mom has lately been talking about me and her leaving, but i dont think i will be able to just leave him, because i love him.

~Redhead, 15

Ann25

Hi Danielle,
Welcome to SR. Gabe is right. You cannot help your mother. She needs to help herself. Thats just the way it is. You can suggest options(once she becomes honest with herself) and be supportive but you need to deal with yorself right now. How this is effecting your life. Maybe you should consider counseling or Nar-anon. That may help.
Stay positive and keep coming back to SR! Great support system here!
Ann

Heather D.

Dear Danielle,

i'm gonna have to agree with them. I'm 12 (supposed to be 13 shhh) and my mom drinks heavily. i've tried all i can to help her to stop drinking and I've just come out here. I'm still just about to go into alateen :okay: and I'm very proud of that. But...I don't think that that's gonna help my mom, only my depression. The main idea is get support for her. You and your family need to get together and help her with this problem.

-Heather

Star Gazer

Your mom sounds just like my mom when she drank. She had back problems and often drank on pain meds. I was very close to my mom but I hated what she turned into when she was drunk. I moved out of my house when I turned 21 to get away from her. It was all I could do. I began to help myself. I had to let her deal with this without hurting me anymore. Less than a year later, she checked herself into rehab and has been sober for 4 years. I know that I had nothing to do with it. She told me she realized she was out of control.

I know you don't want to hear this but really, the only thing you can do is help yourself. You are young and you have a future ahead of you. It is time to focus on yourself, not your mom.

We all know how difficult detachment is in the beginning but you will get through this.

JT

Heather and Redhead...

Alateen is an awesome program that you can both benefit from. Your parents problems don't have to affect who you are if you don't internalize them. You can learn to focus on yourselves and keep you eyes on the prize. A whole and healthy you that can pursue all the dreams you can imagine.

Danielle,

Your mother just left a marrage and I agree she is not handling it very well but it is not your job to "parent" her. Your job as a 21 year old is above. Keep your eyes on the prize. You have your whole life ahead of you. I have a child who is an alcoholic and I have also had to learn that lesson.

Hugs,
JT