EveningRose

I picked up a book on dysfunctional families. It started with descriptions of overt and covert dysfunctional families. Overt, of course, was the obvious alcoholic or addict. Covert was shown in the example of the work addict father, the mother going crazy trying to be a single mother, lonely, throwing herself into more and more work to keep herself distracted, carrying more and more of the weight of home and children to keep things going at home because her husband isn't there, and then the kids...two of whom play their roles in becoming stellar, making the family look good, etc., and the one whose behavior shows the problems in the family, the one who is always getting into trouble and turns to drugs and alcohol.

In these examples, the parent who is not the addict, who tries to fill in those gaps, who tries to keep things running smoothly, is portrayed as part of the problem. In a way, I understand this. That person becomes resentful and angry.

But I'm also curious, what is the responsible parent supposed to do? What is the other alternative? You can't make someone get into treatment. You can't make someone stop their behavior and pick up their fair share at home. It doesn't seem like a good choice to just throw up your hands and quit taking care of the kids and the home, either.

This probably hits close to home since I very much feel that I'm the one carrying the weight here. And right now (which admittedly is a holiday which is a time everything looks and feels a hundred times worse), it seems that all my efforts aren't really doing much good, anyway.

DesertEyes

That is a very simple question with a million complicated answers.

The first thing to do is become educated about the dysfunction. That is going to depend on what resources are availabe. In the bigger cities there are free resource in meetings of Al-anon, CODA, free counseling at the big universities or charities (Salvation Army, Catholic Charities, etc.) In smaller areas there really isn't much other than the internet.

_After_ the responsible parent has a broad understanding of what the problem is _then_ it will be possible to examine what the options are. Some people have a career and can consider divorce, others have a supportive family and can consider a temporary separation, still others have very limited choices and are going to need a financial advisor to help protect finances.

A very good place to get started is in our "next door neighbor" forums right here on SR.

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Mike
Moderator, SoberRecovery