cheburg

Whatever normal is. Turns out I identify with about 6 of the traits in the sticky for this forum.

Father was alcoholic. He wasn't mean or abusive. Just wasn't around or made plans and never showed. Lots of let downs. Yes my mother and him got into arguments but it was a quiet house for the most part. I am youngest of 3.

I never really knew ACOA existed or there were patterns with ACOA's. I was at dinner with two brothers I know who are both in AA. They were talking about growing up in an abusive alcoholic home. I noticed they picked up some of the same bad habits and wondered if growing up in this way caused them. I talked to one of their wives later and she told me one brother was very active in ACOA. That is how I tracked down this forum. My schedule and where I live doesn't allow me to get to meetings.

My main issue that is keeping me up at night then sapping all my energy the next day is stress/anxiety. I work in a job where there is constant inspections/audits by various sources. Every time I get a notice of the next inspection I completely lose it. When I get the 'report' back I lose it again. "I am going to lose my business, live on the street, my kids and gf won't want me around..." I go directly to the worst possible outcome and wake at 3am and dwell on it. I am so tired during the day I just think "This job is killing me." A friend said I would let any job kill me. It isn't the job, it is me.

I started counseling but I'm still having trouble sleeping.

Hope I can pick up helpful tips here and understand what is going on in my head.

Thanks for listening.

DoubleDragons

Welcome. We are starting a ACoA Steps thread. We are only on Step 1 which is basically admitting that the effects of having an alcoholic parent and/or disordered/dysfunctional childhood have made your adult life unmanageable in one form or another. By the sounds of your post, you have already admitted Step One. Please join us if you are so inclined.

makomago

I discovered ACoA from someone in AA, I found the Laundry List first and when I identified with that I sought more information. ACoA have a website. Like you, until I knew I didn't know and I found relief in my discovery of ACoA.

In the first instance I learned more about ACoA and what I'll broadly describe as ACoA issues in two ways; 1/ Forums, including this one and I bought a copy of the fellowship text book, known as the Big Red Book. It's available from the fellowship and as a download for 'that' e-book reading device.

Because I found another 12 step meeting so powerful and worthwhile, I make ACA meetings an important part of my busy schedule. To use a often, maybe over used, phrase; I was 'sick and tired of being sick and tired' and sought recovery.

Welcome to this part of the forum, btw

M

PlasticInsanity

Children of alcoholics can have the same childhood, and come out with completely different outcomes.

My younger sister and I are completely different. She has a 5-year old, and has been with the same deadbeat-dad for 6 years. I haven't had a relationship last longer than 4 months, and no kids. My sister dropped out of highschool, got a job, and got pregnant. I graduated high-school, worked 2 jobs for awhile, and bought a house. My sister is very girly, and has kind of a delicate personality. I on the other hand, am addicted to excitement, and love anything along those lines - hockey, serial killers, extremely shocking documentaries, etc.

Ironically enough, in the end we both turned out the same - as addicts.


***I know a site where online meetings are hosted. If anyone is interested, PM me. I'm not sure if I'm allowed to post the link on here. ***

EveningRose

Welcome. The fact that you've seen the childhood issues is half the battle, in my opinion. When you start to understand where those fears come from, you can start to root them out.

My upbringing was similar to yours. No out and out abuse or obvious drunkenness. But control, broken promises, other things. Thinking I grew up somewhat normal and coming to realize that I nearly have a panic attack at any contact from my boss--despite the fact that 99.5% of all contact from any bosses, ever, has been very positive.

I relate to the fear. Since my divorce (no alimony), I've done just fine caring for myself and my kids, and yet I've slowly come to realize how deep-seated is my fear of not having enough to provide. I've come to realize it's actually irrational. We are in no danger of losing the house or going hungry.

I realized how much it went back to the control issues of growing up--to my father's 'generosity,' which really turned out to be puppet strings, and the message that he has to give because we can't really do it on our own, AND...that if we don't toe the line, he'll cut us off. Which is a threat exactly because of that message that we can't do it on our own. Do as I say, or you will be cast out and unable to help yourself.

Even just realizing that helped. I was able to step back and see where the fear came from--a mixed up alcoholic who didn't know how to give and receive love so he relied on control, instead. I was able, then, to see reality a little more clearly.

The problem isn't solved, but I'm a step or two closer.

fantasyworld

that sounds like me. I have this deep fear of being homeless..of living in the woods without anything or anybody that cares.

I never knew these feelings stemmed from being ACAM