As an ACOA, I learned not to take up for myself.
 

It wasn't overtly told to me, but it was implied. I think it comes from a combination of factors: low self-esteem, over-controlling, authoritarian parents, parents not wanting to be bothered with children's needs.

I was way too timid to take up for myself. I'm not any more. I don't put up with near as much from people as I used to.

Can anybody relate?

Yea, as the youngest in my family growing by several years, I got pushed around a lot. I learned to put everyone else's needs before me and keep my mouth shut when something bothered me.

Now as an adult, I've grown out of some of that, but still find that I put others before me a lot and get resentful. There was also so much anger in my household beneath the surface I always feel like people are going to get PO'd with me over small things. Old family patterns still exist when I see them, so I like to avoid them.

Nope. Sadly, I usually go in for the kill before I even have all the facts..... Defense is my game.....but I'm working on it:)

I can totally relate. And it's funny I feel that way, because my older sister thinks she was the one to always keep quiet and not rock the boat, while I spoke up. Yet I know throughout school, I learned that if I ever told my parents somebody had done something, I got, "What did YOU do to make them?" I was taught constantly to look at my own behavior first--which is a good thing to learn BUT...I eventually figured out that no matter how perfect my behavior was, it would still somehow be my fault.

As someone else mentioned, I put up with a lot less now, thank goodness. AF doesn't like it. When I refused to go back for a third Screaming Rage Fest (i.e.: a holiday with my sister), I was informed among other things that 1) her behavior was really my fault (cough, did I nail it or what? 42 year old woman has routine melt downs long before I ever moved back, but somehow it's actually my fault!); and 2) he 'doesn't like the new me.'

Oh, well. Something snapped, and for the first time in my life, I saw clearly that I've spent a lifetime trying to be the good daughter, good sister, and now that I think about it...I don't actually LIKE any of them, either. Because their behavior is bad.

Just hitting another big breaking point with all of that myself. Never spoke up or made a fuss as a kid, was the typical family "mascot" just trying to overachieve and keep everyone happy. Stood up for others a lot but did not stand up for myself at all. Got better about this in my mid-20's, but still had plenty of room for improvement. My difficulty in asserting myself caused problems in my personal and professional life. And right now I'm so sick of all of it. I'm drawing some really visible lines in the sand.