Sober Dad drinking after 40 years
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Florida
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Sober Dad drinking after 40 years
Hi there - I post in the March 2013 thread but I'm finding that I need to be posting on the ACOA board now. I'm 42 and my dad is 78. My father gave up drinking just prior to my birth because he was told by his Dr. that he had months, maybe a year to live if he kept going. I have an older brother (15 years) who was there and by all accounts he was a full blown alcoholic. He attended an AA meeting once a week for a few years but never worked the steps and never continued with meetings after those first years, so one could say he was a "dry drunk."
I was raised being told that he could never have even one drink. I never saw him drink. His sobriety was every bit as present in our family life as his drinking would have been had he been drinking.
Last year he went through two cancer treatments and a MRSA infection, we thought he was dying. He beat all of them and has been acting oddly since last summer. A few weeks ago he asked me if I think an alcoholic can have a glass of wine here and there. Um, no!!! No, I don't. And I say this from my own personal experience with alcohol as well. Last night my mom called me to tell me that he took a sip of his friend's drink (she said it had bourbon in it) in front of her. She went home while he was out at his poker game and found hidden bottles.
I'm floored. I know he's a grown man but I'm surprised at how upsetting this is to me. Thank you for reading this -- this is completely new territory for me.
I was raised being told that he could never have even one drink. I never saw him drink. His sobriety was every bit as present in our family life as his drinking would have been had he been drinking.
Last year he went through two cancer treatments and a MRSA infection, we thought he was dying. He beat all of them and has been acting oddly since last summer. A few weeks ago he asked me if I think an alcoholic can have a glass of wine here and there. Um, no!!! No, I don't. And I say this from my own personal experience with alcohol as well. Last night my mom called me to tell me that he took a sip of his friend's drink (she said it had bourbon in it) in front of her. She went home while he was out at his poker game and found hidden bottles.
I'm floored. I know he's a grown man but I'm surprised at how upsetting this is to me. Thank you for reading this -- this is completely new territory for me.
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: LAMPETER
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My Dad is also been a alcoholic but has drunk all his life but everytime he says he will stop and then I find him drinking again upsets me.
It sounds like your Dad has been through alot lately with treatments and things and he probably believes that drinking is the only way he can really relax and unwind properly. I would say just be there for your dad in the best way you can.
It sounds like your Dad has been through alot lately with treatments and things and he probably believes that drinking is the only way he can really relax and unwind properly. I would say just be there for your dad in the best way you can.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
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Hi Duffster, how terribly upsetting for you and your family. It sounds like he's well on his way if he's hidden bottles. I don't think there's much you can do except support your mother. No doubt she and your father will be talking about this, and hopefully your father will be seeking treatment now it's out in the open.
Maybe you could discuss Al-anon with your mother as I'm sure it would help her through this difficult time.
Maybe you could discuss Al-anon with your mother as I'm sure it would help her through this difficult time.
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: LAMPETER
Posts: 13
My Dad is also been a alcoholic but has drunk all his life but everytime he says he will stop and then I find him drinking again upsets me.
It sounds like your Dad has been through alot lately with treatments and things and he probably believes that drinking is the only way he can really relax and unwind properly. I would say just be there for your dad in the best way you can.
It sounds like your Dad has been through alot lately with treatments and things and he probably believes that drinking is the only way he can really relax and unwind properly. I would say just be there for your dad in the best way you can.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,733
Thank you for your kind responses! I just looked into Al Anon meetings and will see if my mom wants to go with me. She went to meetings years ago when he first recovered and I know she found a lot of guidance and comfort from them.
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Puerto Vallarta
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drinking after 40 tears
Duffster, I am a Little younger tan your dad. I have been sober 40 years this last December. I am, at this time, living in a town in Mexico where there are no English meetings. I attend meetings in Puerto Vallarta when I am back there. After too much time away from meetings I start to think wierd things, like what it would be like to drink after all this time. I could say more but I´m not sure you are still on the post. On the positive side of things, your dad had 40 good years with you all.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
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Thank you, razookis! Yes, I am grateful that we had that sober time with him -- I've actually never known him as a drinker so it's a strange time for me. I'm hoping he'll wake up and if he does I'll be there to attend meetings with him. I'm hoping we can support each other in sobriety. It just hit me that after all this time I'm now ready for my sobriety and he's off the wagon.
40 years 
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