Love2Camp

...and glad I found this place! I've read though a few posts and can see I'm not alone.

I am thinking about telling my alcoholic father (who lives about 5 hours away) that he either get help from the VA or I have to cut ties for my own sanity. I have asked in the past but he hasn't because he says they will take away all his guns. I have expressed my concerns, I have explained that I cannot visit every weekend or move back because I have a husband, a life of my own, and trying to start a family in my later 30's (which isn't easy). I have offered advice to help with the lonliness he's complained about since my BPD mother's death 5 years ago. She was addicted to prescription pain killers.

Currently he sits in jail until Friday on his second DUI in less than a year. My brother and I call him 2-3 times a week to check up. For me, those calls are a chore I need to work myself up to. I need to remind mself to not let him drag me down but it's hard. Once we found out, he was in jail all the questions started "Why didn't he call us?", "Why was he drinking at 2 in the afternoon?", etc.

I'm seeking advice here about how to move forward. I'm not able to confront him in person right now because of my emotions and resolve that I'm not going to drop eveythin for him. What are some strategies/tactics I can try as my last ditch effort for him to help himself? Letter? Phone call?

Another question - he's alienated most everyone in his life so he has very few friends. I'm assuming he will lose his license. How much should I help him in getting to and from appointments/court/etc. Or is that something he needs to figure out on his own. I can feel myself getting sucked back in as I type.

Thanks for the read and so sorry it was so long!

Kialua

Welcome. Sounds familiar, my alcoholic dad ended up in jail, his guns taken away from him and then in the VA for a 90 day locked AA treatment.

I think your request for him to get help from the VA is great. They did a great job with my Dad, but my Dad was 80! and finally ready. If he is in jail maybe you could call the authorities and suggest the lock up treatment.

Love2Camp

Thank you for your input, Kialua! My father is 67 and sometimes I think it's too late, but knowing your dad was 80 gives me smidgen of hope. My father is out of jail now and the story he tells is pretty hard to believe. I feel he may be sucking my brother in but I'm keeping my distance and see what court on Friday brings. Then it's time for the get help or be lonely in your old age talk. Thanks again and pouring through these posts are so helpful!

Kialua

I'm glad it can give you hope. My Dad did a great job in treatment and never drank again. He lived to 87 and died with Alzheimers. Course I was still blamed for everything, but had nothing to do with any of it. Go figure.