Banchy

Just a thought..my son is only 5 months old but i have a fear of how i'm going to tell him about his alcoholic grandmother. Anyone have the same problem?


I wouldn't want to shelter him from it but wouldn't want to scare him or anything.

Gabe

Banchy,
When the time is right, you can tell him about it without scaring him.
Kids feel better when adults are straight with them.
Gabe

Chy

I knew from a very young age my grandmother was an alcoholic. Kids are extremly perceptive, one day he'll ask why gramdma acts so strange, then you'll know it's time to tell him.

My children knew I was an alcoholic before I did. Just be there and be honest. But I surely wouldn't loose sleep over it!

Magichappens

Alcoholism was a secret in my family. My parents weren't alcoholic, but my grandfather was, and instead of seeking help, my family kept the insanity going. They passed it on to me. Recovery should be shared with children, so they can learn healthy ways to cope with alcoholism instead of craziness that will follow them into their adult life and cripple them. The cycle can be broke by honesty and compassion. Hugs, Magic

MarkSichelCSW

When my son was about 3 or 4 years old, he climbed up onto a chair and took a bottle of Jack Daniels out of the liquor cabinet and said, "this is Grandpa."

Children know somehow. They're very perceptive. As my children have aged, I've had to explain all kinds of other things and consequences of alcoholism, but they did know, somehow, from a very young age.

Gabe

Wow Mark, that's a short story that speaks volumes.
Children have great intuition.
I try to pay attention to them every chance I get.
They are my best teachers.

msgalore

Wow, what good replies I read already to this thread. My son is 5 and he recently said, "mom, why does Papa talk funny sometimes?" We had a talk in the best child terms I could use and explained to him that Papa drinks beer too much and sometimes it makes him act funny and sometimes mean. We made a deal to leave Papa's house if we feel scared or sad.

It may be premature to be concerned about all this now, as your child is just an infant. But, I'll share that there were 2 things in this step that I was not prepared for. One, was that my son confronted my dad and my dad erupted and became violent with me. The other was that my siblings disagreed with my decision to be honest. They all drink heavily. So, I stand alone.

That's one reason I reach out, to this site, to others who are trying to "stay sane."

MarkSichelCSW

Sustaining sanity and a relationship with an active alcoholic family can be, to say the least, challenging. Years ago my sister's husband, after more than a few drinks, agreed to take his young sons to the movies. My step-children were 5 & 7 at the time and of course, wanted to go. When my wife and I said no to them going drunk driving with their "step uncle" or whatever he was, my wife and I were accused of being the crazy ones by my family. Sadly this situation got worse and worse until we finally broke all ties with them.

Sometimes it's more than sanity that's at stake. Its our children's lives....and in the twisted thinking of a drunk, protecting our children's lives is the questionably sane act.

Michelle41

I would not sugar coat it... not at all.. I would agree that he or she is acting like an idiot... next question is always "why".... now how you answer that depends on the childes age. With my mother I explained that Nan had alot of pain growing up. And sometimes we don't deal with pain in the best way... like you may throw a toy or a shoe. Well growups don't always have the answers and realize that people can help them... so they do things to harm their body that makes them feel good only for the moment.. but the moment will pass, like Hana Montana is only on or a half hour then over. Well it's like that for adults too, but they forget at times that the feeling will go away. So they do these things to make them feel better in the moment but much worse off later in time. That is called *insert whatever illness fits*. It worked really well with my kids. I was very non judgmental and used it as a experience to show them how THEY don't want to seem to others when upset.

Stubborn1

You have a long way until you need to explain that. I personally wouldn't have my children around a grandparent who is an alcoholic. There's no sense in it. You have years before you have to cross that bridge. Enjoy your time with your new baby. Congrats

SelfSeeking

Msgalore, what you said was wise. Just take your kid out of there when the grandparent gets scary. I found my grandfather pretty terrifying. I always knew there was something wrong with him when he was drunk. Even when he was gregarious he was unpredictable which I found scary. I think my parents thought that if he was happy it was fine to have us kids around him but I hated it. Don't be afraid to be rude, Banchy. If the alcoholic wants to see her grandkids she can sober up for them.

NoelleR

Many others have said this, but I just want to reiterate.....your child is only 5MONTHS old; I do believe you have some time before you need to worry about this............if ever.....

Jesus (even if you're not a Christian, or even a fan of the Bible) had some good things to say about worrying.....one of the things He said....(paraphrased here)....: we should not worry about what may or may not happen tomorrow; today has enough worries in it..... (o:


NoelleR