Question for those in split familes with alcoholic parent
 

I have a question for ACOAs who grew up in divorced families, with shared custody between one sober parent and one alcoholic parent.

Can you please share your experiences? I am a sober parent sharing custody of a young child with an active alcoholic (who is not supposed to drink during visitation, but with lengthy visits like over the holidays the A either would have severe withdrawal symptoms or keep drinking).

My 5YO child comes home from visitation angry and violent, and he acts out physically (tried to strangle me, e.g.). He talks about having "secrets" with the A that he can't tell me. He acts like a caretaker when he's with the A.

What are your suggestions for how I can help my child? Thank you in advance.

Get him to a child psychologist. Get all the documentation you can of what's happening. The best thing you can do is make sure your son is loved and cared for (and that he knows it). I wish you luck.

You need to ensure he feels loved and cared for, but you would not be helping him by having guilt over it – he must not act out physically on you.

I was not forced to any visits as a child, these cases are very difficult at least here.

I think psychologist are fine – if they are good.

Secrets: He drinks like a fish and lies about you. And manipulates the kid into thinking it's his responsibility to fix any and all results of the preceding. That has to be hard, because there's really nothing much you can do about it. A's are such experts at making everyone else feel responsible for making the A immune from any ill effects from all the **** they pull. :-\

T