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Old 06-16-2004, 01:47 PM
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Advice?

Hi everyone, this is my first post, this seems like a really great forum, i look forward to many more posts and new friends

The reason i write is that i am at a loss.

My mother is an alchoholic, my sister and i do our best, she is 29 and i am 24 we both live away from the family home and she is on her own, we visit every to every other day,

....but i feel there must be more that we can do.

My mum, she is not abusive when she drinks..... a bit rude sometimes, but really she just turns into nothing, if that makes sense, its pretty bad, at least a litre of vodka a day at its peak, hidden around the house.

She claims to do it to dull the past memories, especially when my dad died of cancer three years ago, she relied on him for everything, she suffers from depression, but both that and the alchohol have been going on for many years before that, a long time before i really knew.

It was only after my dad died that we stopped pretending it was not there and started activley trying to do something about it.

She was drunk at my dads funeral ;(

Since we started talking to her about it, she has tried a few times an manage for a month or so without drink, 6 months was the best. Just when we are starting to think "maybe its going to be okay this time" she let us, more specifically herself, down.

At the moment she is trying to sell her house, we have to do everything for her regarding that, which is fine, but not if she is drunk when people come to view....etc

We asked her to goto councelling, which she did once, about the depression i think, and she said it was good, but she point blank refuses to go again, says she can do this on her own, which i do not believe she can.

She says she will be fine once she moves to a new house, out with the old and all that, but im sure you have all heard that a thousand times, it makes me feel pretty bad doubting and disbelieving her like this.

Untill recently i tried softly softly approach, and recently i was a bit more harsh like my sister, which we think is the wrong way to go about it and so have stopped.

.... thats all i can think of for now.... so if any of you have any feelings on my situation..... whatever they are, dive in and post back, it would be really appreciated

Thanks for listening.


On a lighter note..... My dog just walked into the door hehe.... wish i had a picture

- Shorty
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Old 06-16-2004, 02:02 PM
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Hello Shorty and welcome


AA meetings for her. As she learns the steps, she will also learn how to deal with the pain in her past. Can't force her to go. Can make the sugestion for it though. Al Anon for you and your sister. Al Anon will help you understand things a lot better and help you deal with any emotions or guilt you may come across.
You shouldn't feel guilty or ever think it is your fault or anything like that but feelings do arise as we all are affected when a family member drinks.
Look about. See what the Al Anon board has and know you are not alone.

Seems you have a great understanding on things already. Your mom is blessed with daughters like you.
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Old 06-16-2004, 03:45 PM
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Hi Shorty,
Welcome to Sober Recovery.
You can't do anything about your Mom's drinking problem.
She has to want to get well, before that happens.
You can do something for you. Coming here was a great first step.
Alanon or ACOA meetings might be helpful as well.
I'm glad you're here.
Hope you stick around.
Gabe
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Old 06-17-2004, 01:19 AM
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Thanks you both for the warm welcome

One small correction, my Sister is the Daughter and i am the Son......lol

I appreciate your help and will look in those other forums, i do feel fine in myself, not guilty bout her drinking, although there probably are feelings i have hidden from myself.

My mother says she does want to stop, but refuses to really do anything usefull to help herself, apart from as i say she will stop for a while now and then, but it never lasts.

When she is stopped, my sister and i find it really hard to talk about, because we feel that she might be ok this time, we dont want to trigger her by talking about it, but i feel it's the only time it might sink in.... what to do there?

Anyway, i really appreciate your guys support
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Old 06-17-2004, 06:38 AM
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Hey Shorty,
If your Mom's gonna drink, she's gonna drink.
If you need to talk to her about it, go ahead.
It's important for you to say what you're feeling.
Don't keep things inside because you're afraid they might make her drink.
Gabe
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Old 06-17-2004, 07:40 AM
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Good point.

Thanks
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