mrschoices

Why do non-drinking parents severely psychologically punish their grown adult child?
Not want her to recover, try to get her to not trust herself and still try to make them believe she was always the bad one?

Someone to blame, I suppose. A scapegoat.

But Is there any more to this problem I can understand better?

And what, other than cutting them off, solution could there be?

Acceptance, boundaries where possible I suppose.

My parents are almost 70 and getting sicker with each passing month. It's incredibly difficult and hurtful.

DoubleBarrel

Are you talking about yourself? I'd be interested to help,

The way this is written,it's hard to understand, sorry. More details.

Kialua

They are sick and don't care about anyone but themselves. They are ingrained in this pattern of abuse probably because you have not gone no contact with them. How old are you? 40's or so? So you are allowing this abuse and teaching them that it is ok by your acceptance and staying in contact. They may live to 90+ years old, mine did. Is it ok with you to live like this for 20 some more years? The boundaries you need are physical as well as emotional. It's not what they are doing that is hurting you, it's what you are allowing. Have you studied much about the alcoholic dysfunctional dynamics? I think you might be enabling and being a martyr. I'm sorry is if I sound harsh but telling yourself the truth is vital if you want to recover. I hope you can draw the line and heal. When you do draw the line it doesn't mean you don't have to care about your folks. You can make sure they are cared for if they need it, but not by entangling in their crazy life.

As far as why they do the things they do, I wrote about that on my blog and would like to share it with you if you click here:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/.../9053-why.html
And please feel free to read my blog.

mrschoices

I agree with you wholeheartedly.
But there is more.
The program of ACA teaches us that they were affected by others.

My parents are also adult children and I will never know what really happened to them in their upbringings. God has shown me what I need to know - enough that I can understand.

I try to take a kindly and tolerant view of them because I k ow they're sick people.

That doesn't mean I allow the psychopathic, narcissistic pattern to continue. I can't, as it takes away my Power to set boundaries elsewhere. This comes out in all other relationships. Being the Fall Guy due to my weakness and lack of self-esteem. Severe, deadly codependency where I try to save abusive men and tell others what to do which posses people off and leaves me rejected. No courage to be myself.

Everything has to be equal everywhere...the soul cannot be divided. We cannot take anise from
One or two people and not take it elsewhere.

I am financially dependent ony parents because I have suck intense PTSD and cannot work. But I can start healing now and get myself out of their control. All I need is good people around me in recovery.

Kialua

I hope it works out for you. I think I would rather be on welfare and live separate in any case.

irisgardens

The only thing that worked for me was 'no contact'. I took your path...and it was literally killing me. Since going 'no contact' in February I have felt healthy, happy and productive. I have severe PTSD as well, but have spent a lot of work on it...and have gotten better. I found that being in 'no contact' stopped the emotional death that was spiraling and getting worse with every year...for me.

Mirage74

I like the idea of No Contact. I've tried to go No Contact with certain family before, but inevitably some event(holiday, etc.), or other family member put me in a situation that broke it. It's not a good feeling to be in the same room with someone you would prefer to be 1000 miles away for the next 5 years. For me, I can handle 1 on one. It's the 3 or even more on one(I'm the one) that I have so much trouble with.

Geez, this is raw, had trouble posting this.

Soberpotamus

Sounds like no contact might be a good goal for you. Like the others have mentioned.

I'm mostly no contact except an occasional SHORT visit with my grandfather and dad. And it's mostly for their benefit. I keep my emotional distance.