How do some people manage...
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: NC
Posts: 1,462
As for you OP, I can really relate. I have older siblings that behave this way. It's almost like the world rewards selfish behavior. One of them is so mean, no one will tangle with them. I will, but when I try, everyone else rallies around them and I end up looking like the bad guy.
I understand the gossip and talking behind your back too. All behaviors people use to try to come out on top, like you said.
I understand the gossip and talking behind your back too. All behaviors people use to try to come out on top, like you said.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 688
Originally Posted by Mirage74 
As for you OP, I can really relate. I have older siblings that behave this way. It's almost like the world rewards selfish behavior. One of them is so mean, no one will tangle with them. I will, but when I try, everyone else rallies around them and I end up looking like the bad guy.
I understand the gossip and talking behind your back too. All behaviors people use to try to come out on top, like you said.
And yet...somehow I'm to blame? And somehow my kids who would never tolerate being yelled at and humiliated like that think I should continue to put up with it? SERIOUSLY??
I know, I know, quit trying to make sense of crazy.
My older kids have packed up tonight and made a long drive to visit some of these family members. Whether it's rational or irrational, I'm left feeling tonight that my family members have made it clear: either I play by their rules or they'll take my children away, one by one.
On the bright side, I'm actually seeing a lot of good in life, too.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Back East
Posts: 704
Originally Posted by EveningRose
It's mind-boggling, isn't it?
Thank you, Mirage. It just continues to amaze me. Time after time, I have simply stood there and held my tongue, and when I had enough, packed up and moved away...given myself distance. I have watched these people time after time after time lose their tempers, rage, hit, choke. I have watched my sister fly into rages at neighbor children and heard of her having meltdowns in stores, aimed at clerks!
And yet...somehow I'm to blame? And somehow my kids who would never tolerate being yelled at and humiliated like that think I should continue to put up with it? SERIOUSLY??
Thank you, Mirage. It just continues to amaze me. Time after time, I have simply stood there and held my tongue, and when I had enough, packed up and moved away...given myself distance. I have watched these people time after time after time lose their tempers, rage, hit, choke. I have watched my sister fly into rages at neighbor children and heard of her having meltdowns in stores, aimed at clerks!
And yet...somehow I'm to blame? And somehow my kids who would never tolerate being yelled at and humiliated like that think I should continue to put up with it? SERIOUSLY??
T
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 923
In the same boat, Evening...all but one of my five children have chosen to blame me for all the problems and continue to go and see them and be with them and now two of them called me crazy and psychologically unstable in April when I was reaching out to ask them for something because we hit bottom.
I am now rebuilding my life...I have been working on my own recovery for 23 years...and I wonder if my getting healthier precipitated some of the awfulness from my mother and then, when Dad died, I simply became aware of it. Also, I always protected my younger sister, but the minute Dad died...she 'turned' on me too.
Now, with a son and daughter actively calling me crazy...something clicked in me...and I realized that as much as I love them and have been there for them (always...did recovery and therapy to not repeat my own childhood upbringing), I am simply dumbfounded that this is what is real (hitting bottom financially has its advantages...you really see who appreciates you and who simply 'needs' you).
Well, have no ESH here...just like you...I am simply not clear on what is going on. I can honestly say that I have so many friends and good people in my life...who are caring, long-term, good and understanding...and then there is this thing from family...to whom I have given everything I have to give.
I am simply accepting their decisions, remain in no contact with mother since February and feel so much better than the previous years when I kept trying to 'reconcile'...I spent the time forgiving her...but she doesn't seem capable of anything but remembering what I 'made her feel like' and all three siblings are right there with her...and now in my own family.
The one good thing now vs all the previous years is that I know that when I try...or think about it...or reach out...I finally figured out...there is no one there...so it is best for me to just let them all do what they want and to take care of myself in the new job, looking for an apartment today, grateful to the friends that took me in, and preparing for hubby to be here in two weeks (he is working in his home country of Chile) for a visit.
I am now rebuilding my life...I have been working on my own recovery for 23 years...and I wonder if my getting healthier precipitated some of the awfulness from my mother and then, when Dad died, I simply became aware of it. Also, I always protected my younger sister, but the minute Dad died...she 'turned' on me too.
Now, with a son and daughter actively calling me crazy...something clicked in me...and I realized that as much as I love them and have been there for them (always...did recovery and therapy to not repeat my own childhood upbringing), I am simply dumbfounded that this is what is real (hitting bottom financially has its advantages...you really see who appreciates you and who simply 'needs' you).
Well, have no ESH here...just like you...I am simply not clear on what is going on. I can honestly say that I have so many friends and good people in my life...who are caring, long-term, good and understanding...and then there is this thing from family...to whom I have given everything I have to give.
I am simply accepting their decisions, remain in no contact with mother since February and feel so much better than the previous years when I kept trying to 'reconcile'...I spent the time forgiving her...but she doesn't seem capable of anything but remembering what I 'made her feel like' and all three siblings are right there with her...and now in my own family.
The one good thing now vs all the previous years is that I know that when I try...or think about it...or reach out...I finally figured out...there is no one there...so it is best for me to just let them all do what they want and to take care of myself in the new job, looking for an apartment today, grateful to the friends that took me in, and preparing for hubby to be here in two weeks (he is working in his home country of Chile) for a visit.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 688
Originally Posted by tromboneliness
If I'd had a video camera when I was a kid, I'd have been dangerous -- a little clandestine footage of some of the sh*t that used to go on... posted on-line, would have put an end to the denial! :-D
T
T
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 127
Ok. I heAr a lot of judging. I hear a lot of blame. But mostly I hear a lot of expectations.
This is why I love AA and Alanon.
AAs Big Book says I can go to a barroom (replace "barroom" with "gathering with some oftentimes sick family members") if I have a good business or social reason. Is being a mother who wants her children to know their family enough of a reason?
I will tell you this: I have an aunt who cut herself and her children off from our family when I was about 25 years old. I had no idea yet of the sickness in our family. I believe today she was, like me, the scapegoat. She proceeded to bad mouth US to her children. Do you ever do that in your defense? Ever? I don't know, I'm just asking.
She basically used her children and hurt them by burdening them with adult problems. They ended up as angry as her and have a hateful feeling toward even us cousins. It breaks my heart as i loved my cousins and wish the adults hadnt taken away our relationships. They also grew up with a huge hole in their lives, never knowing what extended family was.
I don't know how bad it really is...my feeling is they don't regularly call you a b-tch; did it happened maybe once or twice during an argument?
AAs Big Book says I think of what I can bring to the occasion. Have you ever tried praying and asking God for THIS kind of help before you show up? As the family black sheep I can tell you it works.
Alanon gives me tools for being around the family. Maybe if insanity starts I can go into another room and ask God for help or go take a walk. Hanging out with the kids is also a great distraction and escape and can be fun.
As someone else said here, everyone's ego wants to win. That's not just in life, that's in the family too. But I'm the one who, through my pain, developed the willingness to seek recovery. I have God's strength. I'm the one who was offered these tools...I am the fortunate one.
By the way, where is God in this picture? What about Him? Where are spiritual principles here? Either He is everything or my ego is everything.it is truly all or nothing...either I will accept and follow these principles and suck up my pride and feel the pain and grow -- or I won't.
Your answers are all in AA and Alanon literature, not in people's opinions who validate you staying in this angry place.
Someone has to put down their ego...why not us?
Level your pride and tolerate them. But be honest...no people pleasing. We don't fight anything or anyone either...we accept others and our pasts exactly as they are.
Simple but NOT EASy!!! We need people around us with good recovery to help until we can do it with gods grace only.
Do it for the children...do it for yourself so that others around you in recovery may benefit.
Let go of the other people...they are in Gods hands.
This is why I love AA and Alanon.
AAs Big Book says I can go to a barroom (replace "barroom" with "gathering with some oftentimes sick family members") if I have a good business or social reason. Is being a mother who wants her children to know their family enough of a reason?
I will tell you this: I have an aunt who cut herself and her children off from our family when I was about 25 years old. I had no idea yet of the sickness in our family. I believe today she was, like me, the scapegoat. She proceeded to bad mouth US to her children. Do you ever do that in your defense? Ever? I don't know, I'm just asking.
She basically used her children and hurt them by burdening them with adult problems. They ended up as angry as her and have a hateful feeling toward even us cousins. It breaks my heart as i loved my cousins and wish the adults hadnt taken away our relationships. They also grew up with a huge hole in their lives, never knowing what extended family was.
I don't know how bad it really is...my feeling is they don't regularly call you a b-tch; did it happened maybe once or twice during an argument?
AAs Big Book says I think of what I can bring to the occasion. Have you ever tried praying and asking God for THIS kind of help before you show up? As the family black sheep I can tell you it works.
Alanon gives me tools for being around the family. Maybe if insanity starts I can go into another room and ask God for help or go take a walk. Hanging out with the kids is also a great distraction and escape and can be fun.
As someone else said here, everyone's ego wants to win. That's not just in life, that's in the family too. But I'm the one who, through my pain, developed the willingness to seek recovery. I have God's strength. I'm the one who was offered these tools...I am the fortunate one.
By the way, where is God in this picture? What about Him? Where are spiritual principles here? Either He is everything or my ego is everything.it is truly all or nothing...either I will accept and follow these principles and suck up my pride and feel the pain and grow -- or I won't.
Your answers are all in AA and Alanon literature, not in people's opinions who validate you staying in this angry place.
Someone has to put down their ego...why not us?
Level your pride and tolerate them. But be honest...no people pleasing. We don't fight anything or anyone either...we accept others and our pasts exactly as they are.
Simple but NOT EASy!!! We need people around us with good recovery to help until we can do it with gods grace only.
Do it for the children...do it for yourself so that others around you in recovery may benefit.
Let go of the other people...they are in Gods hands.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Back East
Posts: 704
Originally Posted by EveningRose
I have the 11 drunken phone calls saved on voicemail, calling me names. I've considered on occasion playing them for my kids, but the truth is, they'd just be annoyed with me for playing them. They want it all to just go away and they're hearing from every other source that I'm the problem. You know the saying, if you tell a lie often enough, it becomes the truth.
I'd still save the recording, though! :-D
T
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,437
Originally Posted by mrschoices
Ok. I heAr a lot of judging. I hear a lot of blame. But mostly I hear a lot of expectations.
Going to a bar for a business or social occasion for a few hours is not the same level as LIVING in crazy. For some of us when we go to the social occasions with our crazies it doesn't last just those couple of hours, it extends into and invades our lives. We need emotional and physical distance to survive.
Thank you for caring enough to try to help.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 688
Originally Posted by mrschoices
Ok. I heAr a lot of judging. I hear a lot of blame. But mostly I hear a lot of expectations.
This is why I love AA and Alanon.
Is being a mother who wants her children to know their family enough of a reason?
I will tell you this: I have an aunt who cut herself and her children off from our family when I was about 25 years old. I had no idea yet of the sickness in our family. I believe today she was, like me, the scapegoat. She proceeded to bad mouth US to her children. Do you ever do that in your defense? Ever? I don't know, I'm just asking.
I will tell you this: I have an aunt who cut herself and her children off from our family when I was about 25 years old. I had no idea yet of the sickness in our family. I believe today she was, like me, the scapegoat. She proceeded to bad mouth US to her children. Do you ever do that in your defense? Ever? I don't know, I'm just asking.
They also grew up with a huge hole in their lives, never knowing what extended family was.
Let me be VERY clear: my sister has been having meltdown for decades: at store clerks, at 5 year old neighbor children, at whoever happens to be around. She had a melt down the night before my wedding and stormed off, leaving me not knowing if I'd be a bridesmaid short the next morning. I have forgiven repeatedly, shrugged it off, understood what she grew up with. But at a certain point, enough is enough. We're responsible for how people treat us, aren't we? I let her know that in the kindest, briefest possible way, and she made it very clear that she, too, would blame her melt downs on me.
I personally don't think it's healthy for me or my children to expose them to the concept that one person in the family can be scapegoated that way. I had no intention of them growing up seeing this as an example and thinking they could treat me this way by showing them that I'd go back time after time for more.
I don't know how bad it really is...my feeling is they don't regularly call you a b-tch; did it happened maybe once or twice during an argument?
But no, neither the language nor the attitude is a one-time thing. Nor is physical violence. Nor are put-downs, criticisms, and fault-finding. I've been through AF threatening to show up at my work and cause trouble. I work one on one with children, often young children, and in one location it was an isolated part of the building. When I feel I have to keep my phone charged and available to call 9-1-1, when I'm fearful of what might happen at work, when I'm fearful of possibly losing my livelihood if he starts making trouble and scaring these kids--there's a serious problem and it is NOT me.
It's been going on for years. I've forgiven repeatedly. But at a certain point, that's enough. Nobody should be expected to put up with such behavior forever.
Have you ever tried praying and asking God for THIS kind of help before you show up? As the family black sheep I can tell you it works.
Alanon gives me tools for being around the family. Maybe if insanity starts I can go into another room and ask God for help or go take a walk. Hanging out with the kids is also a great distraction and escape and can be fun.
Alanon gives me tools for being around the family. Maybe if insanity starts I can go into another room and ask God for help or go take a walk. Hanging out with the kids is also a great distraction and escape and can be fun.
As someone else said here, everyone's ego wants to win. That's not just in life, that's in the family too. But I'm the one who, through my pain, developed the willingness to seek recovery. I have God's strength. I'm the one who was offered these tools...I am the fortunate one.
By the way, where is God in this picture? What about Him? Where are spiritual principles here? Either He is everything or my ego is everything.it is truly all or nothing...either I will accept and follow these principles and suck up my pride and feel the pain and grow -- or I won't.
More importantly, perhaps, here's where God is in all this: my entire view of God changed for the better when I pulled back. I realized how powerfully my view of God--a capricious, gotcha!, you-screwed-up-again, gloating-as-He-sends-you-to-Hell-for-a-rule-He-never-even-told-you-about God--came from my AF. It was in pulling away from this toxicity that my faith has grown and I have been able to see a loving God.
Your answers are all in AA and Alanon literature, not in people's opinions who validate you staying in this angry place.
Sometimes, the peace comes in seeing that no, we are NOT crazy, everybody outside the family can see it, and there really wasn't anything else we could have done. I have found a great deal of peace in ending my exposure to abuse, toxicity, and craziness, in no longer trying to jump through impossible hoops, and I make no apology for that.
Do it for the children...do it for yourself so that others around you in recovery may benefit.
As to your comments about ego, I don't find it egotistical to say no thank you to being someone's verbal punching bag.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 688
Originally Posted by Kialua
Sometimes as adults children of alcoholics we have to disconnect, emotionally if not physically. We have to get off the crazy train before we become crazy and dysfunctional ourselves. We can and do forgive. But that doesn't mean we still engage in the crazy. It's not good for our children to be in the crazy's lifes either. You're right that doesn't mean bad mouthing or burdening our kids with adult problems. But engaging in their lifestyle doesn't work either.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 923
Evening Rose, your story has resonated with me from the beginning and addiction is a family disease...and I like what tromboneliness said...and also, I yearned for a 'united family' before I became aware of the disease...wondered why my mother always turned her back on me when I gave her everything...energy, paid my expenses and hers although she always had money...and never didn't take a vacation...just didn't do anything emotional, and she bad-mouthed my sister all day long.
Found out who mother really was when I stopped enabling...just asked her not to talk about sister anymore and stood up for sister...well, did the same with sister...guess who are best friends. Mother was a dry drunk before she got into alcohol; Dad was an alcoholic...but I woke up after Dad died...had the best 11 years of my life with Dad when his stroke 11 years previous caused him to stop drinking.
Then everything went back to the worst and worser places of my life and childhood.
However, the addict gene is in my family...as one superior court judge I spoke to once said (very kind)...we can't control how we are born...and addictive personalities are born, not made. However, we can control whether we are doing something for our own recovery as the disease is progressive...and the longer it goes on the worse these people get.
My husband and children all drink or have used drugs...which I have practically killed myself and used myself up and my resources to not allow them to kill themselves...tough love and whatever else comes my way...had to stop giving anything...etc. I have learned that alcohol destroys families and I am not even sure I have one anymore...going through similar things with my kids...but they drink and one has been a crystal meth addict.
Like calls to like. I tormented myself for so long just like you...but after a horrible codependency relapse this past year and learning that it was going to take me down and I simply can't afford it anymore...not physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually and none of those people are going to change...so I went no contact with the mother/grandma worshippers...I brought them up to respect her, to love her, to thank her...even when she checked out with me the minute Dad passed away (she didn't 'need' my compassionate care side anymore...so parties with friends and travels).
She is a miserable person and I simply am so happy after going no contact...it cut the obsessive thoughts, the trying constantly with phone calls and visits to no avail, the phone hang-ups she does when I ask her to say something positive, the silent treatment, because I hung up on it, and I am happy to give her the unconditional love required to free her to make all her own choices about her life and what she wants and what she does. It took a long while, but was worth it.
The good thing is that the ex crystal meth addict has done some really bad things...including usurping an apartment that hubby told me was for all of us...and not allowing me to arrive there when I relocated from Chile...with no money, no nothing.
I am so happy she did that. It showed me who she really is and who I am not. Went to her girls birthday party, gave her a hollywood kiss just like the one she gave me...complimented her on the party and I am planning to save my money for an apartment (thank you god a friend took me in...there are other underlying family issues, but I just stepped out)...and I am looking forward to taking an art class and horseback riding in the future.
Addiction is all about selfishness, blame, not shouldering responsibility, and cr*ping on the the ones who are addicted to the addict (us caretakers). Realized today that I am taking huge steps...and all because I am truly detaching from the addicts in my life...and hanging around people with huge hearts like mine, who enjoy everything and more that is free in life...the sky, the clouds, the sun and the rain, etc., who work hard and are generous spirited. I am wondering why I took so long to get here, but there is no answer to that.
Have set some new boundaries on AH and for the first time don't care if he takes action or not...because I know that it is his life that he is destroying and although there has been a lot of collateral damage as I was born and raised to stay married for life...it isn't worth letting my soul die.
I love alanon and naranon...and when I entered 16 years ago...all I 'wanted' was what I had always wanted...a unified 'extended' family similar to that I perceived in growing up at my grandma's house...but perceptions are not reality...reality is that I come from a long line of addictive personalities...working on staying clean and sober, doing my therapy and work, and letting Go, letting God. I almost went down the tubes over the last few years 'standing by my husband' as he lost his business and our home.
Our kids could care less...and simply told me that I was getting on their nerves and that I needed to make myself happy. So I am...and am happy. Hubby is still in Chile, complaining and trying to manipulate me into feeling sorry for him, but he didn't do that for me...and I got to see just how self serving he is...at the core...and stopped trying to figure out if there was anything under that. Doesn't matter. He is my hubby...he can come and stay...but I am not going to sacrifice one more minute of my life to these addicts who drain your soul and then treat you like roadkill.
My understanding is that even if the next generation doesn't drink, the personality traits are there...like attracts like...my Dad was an alcoholic too, but he got sober during his last 11 years...and I realized that life could be better. I am making it better.
I hope that you feel better. I know your pain. I was feeling it until the end of last week...and it has been a year as 'the move that was supposed to be the end all save all for the rest of our lives' was ashes turning to worse. I am glad I came back, I am glad that I am taking care of myself.
Although all mothers hope that their kids love, or at least respect them...I do anyway...I can love and respect myself. So the whole mother processing has made me healthier with my kids. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome. Can't believe that it took so long for the light of the sun to shine on the meaning of that saying for me...already knew it when it came to being a mother...and applied it.
Take care of yourself, be gentle with yourself...I know that you have been mightily triggered and I am sending gentle huggs and prayers for your HP to kick in for you.
Found out who mother really was when I stopped enabling...just asked her not to talk about sister anymore and stood up for sister...well, did the same with sister...guess who are best friends. Mother was a dry drunk before she got into alcohol; Dad was an alcoholic...but I woke up after Dad died...had the best 11 years of my life with Dad when his stroke 11 years previous caused him to stop drinking.
Then everything went back to the worst and worser places of my life and childhood.
However, the addict gene is in my family...as one superior court judge I spoke to once said (very kind)...we can't control how we are born...and addictive personalities are born, not made. However, we can control whether we are doing something for our own recovery as the disease is progressive...and the longer it goes on the worse these people get.
My husband and children all drink or have used drugs...which I have practically killed myself and used myself up and my resources to not allow them to kill themselves...tough love and whatever else comes my way...had to stop giving anything...etc. I have learned that alcohol destroys families and I am not even sure I have one anymore...going through similar things with my kids...but they drink and one has been a crystal meth addict.
Like calls to like. I tormented myself for so long just like you...but after a horrible codependency relapse this past year and learning that it was going to take me down and I simply can't afford it anymore...not physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually and none of those people are going to change...so I went no contact with the mother/grandma worshippers...I brought them up to respect her, to love her, to thank her...even when she checked out with me the minute Dad passed away (she didn't 'need' my compassionate care side anymore...so parties with friends and travels).
She is a miserable person and I simply am so happy after going no contact...it cut the obsessive thoughts, the trying constantly with phone calls and visits to no avail, the phone hang-ups she does when I ask her to say something positive, the silent treatment, because I hung up on it, and I am happy to give her the unconditional love required to free her to make all her own choices about her life and what she wants and what she does. It took a long while, but was worth it.
The good thing is that the ex crystal meth addict has done some really bad things...including usurping an apartment that hubby told me was for all of us...and not allowing me to arrive there when I relocated from Chile...with no money, no nothing.
I am so happy she did that. It showed me who she really is and who I am not. Went to her girls birthday party, gave her a hollywood kiss just like the one she gave me...complimented her on the party and I am planning to save my money for an apartment (thank you god a friend took me in...there are other underlying family issues, but I just stepped out)...and I am looking forward to taking an art class and horseback riding in the future.
Addiction is all about selfishness, blame, not shouldering responsibility, and cr*ping on the the ones who are addicted to the addict (us caretakers). Realized today that I am taking huge steps...and all because I am truly detaching from the addicts in my life...and hanging around people with huge hearts like mine, who enjoy everything and more that is free in life...the sky, the clouds, the sun and the rain, etc., who work hard and are generous spirited. I am wondering why I took so long to get here, but there is no answer to that.
Have set some new boundaries on AH and for the first time don't care if he takes action or not...because I know that it is his life that he is destroying and although there has been a lot of collateral damage as I was born and raised to stay married for life...it isn't worth letting my soul die.
I love alanon and naranon...and when I entered 16 years ago...all I 'wanted' was what I had always wanted...a unified 'extended' family similar to that I perceived in growing up at my grandma's house...but perceptions are not reality...reality is that I come from a long line of addictive personalities...working on staying clean and sober, doing my therapy and work, and letting Go, letting God. I almost went down the tubes over the last few years 'standing by my husband' as he lost his business and our home.
Our kids could care less...and simply told me that I was getting on their nerves and that I needed to make myself happy. So I am...and am happy. Hubby is still in Chile, complaining and trying to manipulate me into feeling sorry for him, but he didn't do that for me...and I got to see just how self serving he is...at the core...and stopped trying to figure out if there was anything under that. Doesn't matter. He is my hubby...he can come and stay...but I am not going to sacrifice one more minute of my life to these addicts who drain your soul and then treat you like roadkill.
My understanding is that even if the next generation doesn't drink, the personality traits are there...like attracts like...my Dad was an alcoholic too, but he got sober during his last 11 years...and I realized that life could be better. I am making it better.
I hope that you feel better. I know your pain. I was feeling it until the end of last week...and it has been a year as 'the move that was supposed to be the end all save all for the rest of our lives' was ashes turning to worse. I am glad I came back, I am glad that I am taking care of myself.
Although all mothers hope that their kids love, or at least respect them...I do anyway...I can love and respect myself. So the whole mother processing has made me healthier with my kids. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome. Can't believe that it took so long for the light of the sun to shine on the meaning of that saying for me...already knew it when it came to being a mother...and applied it.
Take care of yourself, be gentle with yourself...I know that you have been mightily triggered and I am sending gentle huggs and prayers for your HP to kick in for you.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: at the beach
Posts: 339
EveningRose - thank you so much for this thread, although I am sorry for what you have had to deal w/ with your family. I stumbled across your thread by accident, as neither of my parents was ever addicted to anything other than their own misery and making each other miserable and in reality not knowing any better. your story has brought so many memories and has made me feel more at peace with my own family struggles.
I wanted to send you my support, hugs and hope for a better tomorrow, FOR YOU, because you surely deserve it. you need a break and it seems as if you are taking the right steps to ensure your own survival from the insanity of a dysfunctional family. up to recently, I had a hard time considering my family of origin dysfunctional. I am trying to work more on myself, as I have 3 little kids and want them to grow up to be happy, self-sufficient adults, with healthy self-perceptions and self-esteem.
I can see all the love you have for your children and I can understand how hard you tried to "save" them from the insanity. they might thank you one day or they may not, but you know that you did your best at safeguarding them. I am a believer that the truth will come out one day. I haven't always been right, but is still believe.
just wanted to sent you some encouragement. many hugs and hope for a better tomorrow, for you.
p.s. I will send you a private message of some of my woes. know that you are not alone.
I wanted to send you my support, hugs and hope for a better tomorrow, FOR YOU, because you surely deserve it. you need a break and it seems as if you are taking the right steps to ensure your own survival from the insanity of a dysfunctional family. up to recently, I had a hard time considering my family of origin dysfunctional. I am trying to work more on myself, as I have 3 little kids and want them to grow up to be happy, self-sufficient adults, with healthy self-perceptions and self-esteem.
I can see all the love you have for your children and I can understand how hard you tried to "save" them from the insanity. they might thank you one day or they may not, but you know that you did your best at safeguarding them. I am a believer that the truth will come out one day. I haven't always been right, but is still believe.
just wanted to sent you some encouragement. many hugs and hope for a better tomorrow, for you.
p.s. I will send you a private message of some of my woes. know that you are not alone.
Bunnies!
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,905
I pray for the rose people. The perfect ones are always hiding something, and pain is pain. Does that mean I'm not still bitter and angry with my highly dysfunctional family? Of course not. But since I have detached from all but one of my maternal family members (my RA aunt), I've focused on my growth and continual prayer for the lot of them still on my **** list. My kids aren't quite old enough to ask hard questions or be angry with me over the family bit. I figure it will come, and I will continue to tell them that their Mimi (my AM) is sick and can't see them. When that no longer works... Hell if I know what I will say then. You have many empathetic hugs coming to you from the great northwest!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
