New Here and Beginning to Set Boundaries
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 14
New Here and Beginning to Set Boundaries
I am going to start with a situation that happened just this past holiday season, which also happens to my birthday week. The week didn't start off so great, my best friend's father died, a man I was very close to and admired, my boyfriend's mom was diagnosed with a terminal illness and I had a lot of other things going on in my career, which is a highly competitive field and also very demanding of me. Well, I decided to take my birthday/christmas week and spend it with my parents, I thought I could really use some "me" time and not have to be the 33 year old adult with responsibilites for awhile and just relax.
Well, Friday morning (my bday) I drop my BF off at the airport, drive through a snow storm (a normal one hour drive turned into four) and finally arrive at my parents' house...my dad sees that I am upset from my friend's dad's death and he tells me, "Get over it. It happens." OK...I get that and blow it off because my dad has never been one for sympathy or empathy of any sort. And I, being the oldest and strongest was never supposed to cry...that is a sign of weakness. So I take his comment in stride and proceed to the wake...some bday. Next morning we had the actual service, following the service, my mom and I decided to go walk around the mall for awhile and just decompress from all of the stress of the last two days. As we are pulling into the driveway, around 6 pm, there he is...standing in the garage with "that look." That look that you know he has been drinking and this isn't a good thing. Dad was never the jovial drunk. Mom looks at me and says, "Uh oh, looks like he's been drinking." Let's be honest, when isn't he drinking, the statement should have been "He's clearly been drinking all day and he's drunk."
My mom and I say our hello's but quickly walk into the house, he follows. He wants to go to dinner for my bday, says let's take grandma...I say sure sounds fun. But all the while, I have that same sick pit in my stomach that says, this night will not turn out well, that was putting it mildly. As the three of us were walking outside the nasty comments/swearing for no reason started and he walked directly to his keg to fill up his glass BEFORE getting into the car. My mom and I both asked him to PLEASE not drink anymore as we can tell he had been drinking all day...he takes one look at me and laughs and continues to fill up his glass. Mom screams she is not going, I always being the peace maker, get into the car and say, "let's just go and I will drive. But please no open containers." He would abide...and now he is PISSED. He stood in the garage, screaming at my mother, not even me (I am currently in my car watching and listening in absolute amazement at what is happening). He is standing there calling me a no good bitch, no one wants me around, I think I am too good, etc. Mom trying to calm him down as she has done for 34 years asked that I get out of the car and talk to him...not wanting to see my mom upset, I get out. What a mistake...he went nuts. He was in my face screaming at me and threatening physical abuse. He told me I was a "c" word and the list goes on and on.
I have had it...shaking and crying, I walked into the house, grabbed my luggage and my little dog (who is also shaking)...and here come the parents. Mom is screaming, "Please don't leave and ruin my christmas." And dad is just screaming profanity after profanity and telling me he his going to break my dog's neck, etc. I get into my car and drove myself to the nearest/safest parking lot and just lost it. I was immediately taken back to the years when he had that kind of explosive behavior except it was always directed towards my mom and I was always jumping in the middle, physically, to try and stop him from anymore harm.
I called my sister and her first words to me were, "Please go back and make sure mom is Ok. He's probably beating her." This isn't important now, but will be. I had already been in therapy because of abusive relationships...so I knew I had to take care of myself first and I drove myself back to MY house where I felt safe. If mom was getting beat, she chose that life, not me and I cannot "help" her anymore, she has to want it.
Long story short, he called just two hours later and says he was blacked out and didn't remember a thing...well I do. I don't easily "forgive and forget" especially with someone who has portrayed this type of negative, aggressive behavior my entire life. He was never the dad you wanted to run up to and give a big hug...when I was little I used to pray to God that he would get into a car accident and die or that he would get a DUI and be put in jail, anything so that he wouldn't come home and start fighting with my mom and then I would have to referee. I had countless nights that I would get maybe four hours of sleep before going to school, through all 12 years and even into college. Mom always just acted like nothing ever happened.
I let it go...got through the holidays. Now it's January and my grandfather gets sick. I live out of town, have a demanding career (love it) and have a life. Now, do not get me wrong, I love my grandfather more than anything, I was the "apple of his eye" and I could never do anything wrong in his eyes. He never liked my dad, in fact, barely spoke to him and I believe it's because he saw him for what he really is. The day my grandfather died, I walked into my grandma's house and not one person talked to me, including my mom. Things between the two of us since the night of his attack, never went back to normal. I was always my mom's best friend and always protecting her, well now I was beginning to protect myself. I went to hug her and she literally pulled away...after just a few hours there I went back to my house. And that was it.
Fast forward to this past May...my BF and I were going on a trip. My mom and I talked about some issues she had with me back in March (her normal calls these days, "I have some issues with you....") and I just sit there, listen and let her say whatever it is she has to say. Keep in mind this is a small detail I left out...I am a skinny person, always have been, but for some reason my family isn't happy about that. I work out and eat well and try to live a very healthy lifestyle. They however, do not. They smoke, drink and do zero exercise. And because, I do all of these things, I must be "too good" and my mom says things to me like, "You're so skinny no one thinks you're attractive anymore, You are just so gross, You have no shape, You're anorexic," the list could go on for days.
Anyway, back to the trip, I went to pick up my dog who was at my parents for the weekend. I was there for literally four minutes before my dad exploded again, this time over my weight. Asking me how much I weigh...they ask me this EVERY TIME they see me. Trust me, I was gross looking back in Jan, Feb, March because of all of the stress from them! Now in May I've finally gained 20lbs back and feeling great and healthy...I had been away from them. So I try to explain this and then think WHY? If it's not my weight, it's going to be about the way I raise my dog, the way I talk like I'm too good...something, anything for them to pick at me and start a fight. Well, I wasn't fighting, I grabbed my little dog said thank you and walked out...as I am walking out I hear my mom tell him that was inappropriate and he yells that he doesn't give a F(@*. So I got into my car, drove away and decided that was it. I would not be subject to his abuse and his bullying any longer. I do not have to take this crap.
Fast forward three weeks and there it is the phone call from mom...keep in mind we talked daily sometimes up to three times a day before his outrage in
December. At first the conversation was pleasant, then it became "You didn't come see me enough after grandpa died, you don't call your grandma enough, you don't see your sister enough, you have friends who you don't see anymore, you posted pics on FB with your BF's mom...where's mine?? HAHAHA. Are you kidding...not, "hey honey, saw your pics from your vacation, looked beautiful, how was it?" It was about how MY pics offended HER. It was then that it all clicked...she is just as sick as he is. I think she has finally come to the point of, "Can't beat 'em, join 'em." She then proceeded to tell me, "You HAVE to talk to your dad and work this out." I told her, I will...someday, when I am ready. Her phone call was followed up with one from my father that said, "You and I are going to have a day of reckoning really soon."
Since then, I have decided to completely cut off contact with both of my parents...I cannot have contact with my mom, who is now verbally abusing me, continue to defend him and pretend like nothing ever happened. If that's how she wants to conduct her life...that's fine, but I will not.
I am struggling here with the guilt, but I know that it is for the best. My sister is pregnant and getting ready to have the first baby of our family and I don't even feel as if I can be a part of it. My sister is whole story within herself (recovering alcoholic and heroin user)...like to party with dad while growing up, that was their form of "bonding." Healthy uh?
I did not go to her baby shower out of fear that my dad would be there...after they heard the news I wouldn't be there the phone calls started. I was getting calls from friends, aunts, cousins, etc. And sure enough, good old dad showed up. But see, he and my sister are now BFFs and she doesn't "remember" anything that happened from our childhood and that I am being ridiculous and I should be ashamed for callling him an abusive alcoholic and that I should be ashamed for the way I am treating our mom.
I can literally do nothing right for my family and now, everything is starting to click. I always felt like I was never "good enough" for any guy I ever dated, let them treat me like **** and it's because that is how my own family treats me! Now, I am with someone who does NOT fight...in three years he has never called me one name and there have been many times when I almost effed that all up because of the way I fight. I fight like "they" do and I don't like it. So for the past six months with the help of a therapist, many books and my significant other I am working on changing myself and will not tolerate their sick, toxic behaviors anymore. I told my sister, if she wants a relationship with me we will have to do it without my parents being involved. They always have to be in control and are still in the mindset of "We are the parents and you will do as we say." My sister spends almost every weekend with them and talks to them both daily and it's hard and very sad for me.
They think I am doing this as some sort of punishment to them, but I am really taking care of myself.
Sorry for such a long post...I am new here and tried to get as much of my story out there as possible. I guess it's nice to see that I am not crazy and there are other's out there. My mom thinks just because he didn't hit us...that makes everything else OK and I am being overreactive.
Well, Friday morning (my bday) I drop my BF off at the airport, drive through a snow storm (a normal one hour drive turned into four) and finally arrive at my parents' house...my dad sees that I am upset from my friend's dad's death and he tells me, "Get over it. It happens." OK...I get that and blow it off because my dad has never been one for sympathy or empathy of any sort. And I, being the oldest and strongest was never supposed to cry...that is a sign of weakness. So I take his comment in stride and proceed to the wake...some bday. Next morning we had the actual service, following the service, my mom and I decided to go walk around the mall for awhile and just decompress from all of the stress of the last two days. As we are pulling into the driveway, around 6 pm, there he is...standing in the garage with "that look." That look that you know he has been drinking and this isn't a good thing. Dad was never the jovial drunk. Mom looks at me and says, "Uh oh, looks like he's been drinking." Let's be honest, when isn't he drinking, the statement should have been "He's clearly been drinking all day and he's drunk."
My mom and I say our hello's but quickly walk into the house, he follows. He wants to go to dinner for my bday, says let's take grandma...I say sure sounds fun. But all the while, I have that same sick pit in my stomach that says, this night will not turn out well, that was putting it mildly. As the three of us were walking outside the nasty comments/swearing for no reason started and he walked directly to his keg to fill up his glass BEFORE getting into the car. My mom and I both asked him to PLEASE not drink anymore as we can tell he had been drinking all day...he takes one look at me and laughs and continues to fill up his glass. Mom screams she is not going, I always being the peace maker, get into the car and say, "let's just go and I will drive. But please no open containers." He would abide...and now he is PISSED. He stood in the garage, screaming at my mother, not even me (I am currently in my car watching and listening in absolute amazement at what is happening). He is standing there calling me a no good bitch, no one wants me around, I think I am too good, etc. Mom trying to calm him down as she has done for 34 years asked that I get out of the car and talk to him...not wanting to see my mom upset, I get out. What a mistake...he went nuts. He was in my face screaming at me and threatening physical abuse. He told me I was a "c" word and the list goes on and on.
I have had it...shaking and crying, I walked into the house, grabbed my luggage and my little dog (who is also shaking)...and here come the parents. Mom is screaming, "Please don't leave and ruin my christmas." And dad is just screaming profanity after profanity and telling me he his going to break my dog's neck, etc. I get into my car and drove myself to the nearest/safest parking lot and just lost it. I was immediately taken back to the years when he had that kind of explosive behavior except it was always directed towards my mom and I was always jumping in the middle, physically, to try and stop him from anymore harm.
I called my sister and her first words to me were, "Please go back and make sure mom is Ok. He's probably beating her." This isn't important now, but will be. I had already been in therapy because of abusive relationships...so I knew I had to take care of myself first and I drove myself back to MY house where I felt safe. If mom was getting beat, she chose that life, not me and I cannot "help" her anymore, she has to want it.
Long story short, he called just two hours later and says he was blacked out and didn't remember a thing...well I do. I don't easily "forgive and forget" especially with someone who has portrayed this type of negative, aggressive behavior my entire life. He was never the dad you wanted to run up to and give a big hug...when I was little I used to pray to God that he would get into a car accident and die or that he would get a DUI and be put in jail, anything so that he wouldn't come home and start fighting with my mom and then I would have to referee. I had countless nights that I would get maybe four hours of sleep before going to school, through all 12 years and even into college. Mom always just acted like nothing ever happened.
I let it go...got through the holidays. Now it's January and my grandfather gets sick. I live out of town, have a demanding career (love it) and have a life. Now, do not get me wrong, I love my grandfather more than anything, I was the "apple of his eye" and I could never do anything wrong in his eyes. He never liked my dad, in fact, barely spoke to him and I believe it's because he saw him for what he really is. The day my grandfather died, I walked into my grandma's house and not one person talked to me, including my mom. Things between the two of us since the night of his attack, never went back to normal. I was always my mom's best friend and always protecting her, well now I was beginning to protect myself. I went to hug her and she literally pulled away...after just a few hours there I went back to my house. And that was it.
Fast forward to this past May...my BF and I were going on a trip. My mom and I talked about some issues she had with me back in March (her normal calls these days, "I have some issues with you....") and I just sit there, listen and let her say whatever it is she has to say. Keep in mind this is a small detail I left out...I am a skinny person, always have been, but for some reason my family isn't happy about that. I work out and eat well and try to live a very healthy lifestyle. They however, do not. They smoke, drink and do zero exercise. And because, I do all of these things, I must be "too good" and my mom says things to me like, "You're so skinny no one thinks you're attractive anymore, You are just so gross, You have no shape, You're anorexic," the list could go on for days.
Anyway, back to the trip, I went to pick up my dog who was at my parents for the weekend. I was there for literally four minutes before my dad exploded again, this time over my weight. Asking me how much I weigh...they ask me this EVERY TIME they see me. Trust me, I was gross looking back in Jan, Feb, March because of all of the stress from them! Now in May I've finally gained 20lbs back and feeling great and healthy...I had been away from them. So I try to explain this and then think WHY? If it's not my weight, it's going to be about the way I raise my dog, the way I talk like I'm too good...something, anything for them to pick at me and start a fight. Well, I wasn't fighting, I grabbed my little dog said thank you and walked out...as I am walking out I hear my mom tell him that was inappropriate and he yells that he doesn't give a F(@*. So I got into my car, drove away and decided that was it. I would not be subject to his abuse and his bullying any longer. I do not have to take this crap.
Fast forward three weeks and there it is the phone call from mom...keep in mind we talked daily sometimes up to three times a day before his outrage in
December. At first the conversation was pleasant, then it became "You didn't come see me enough after grandpa died, you don't call your grandma enough, you don't see your sister enough, you have friends who you don't see anymore, you posted pics on FB with your BF's mom...where's mine?? HAHAHA. Are you kidding...not, "hey honey, saw your pics from your vacation, looked beautiful, how was it?" It was about how MY pics offended HER. It was then that it all clicked...she is just as sick as he is. I think she has finally come to the point of, "Can't beat 'em, join 'em." She then proceeded to tell me, "You HAVE to talk to your dad and work this out." I told her, I will...someday, when I am ready. Her phone call was followed up with one from my father that said, "You and I are going to have a day of reckoning really soon."
Since then, I have decided to completely cut off contact with both of my parents...I cannot have contact with my mom, who is now verbally abusing me, continue to defend him and pretend like nothing ever happened. If that's how she wants to conduct her life...that's fine, but I will not.
I am struggling here with the guilt, but I know that it is for the best. My sister is pregnant and getting ready to have the first baby of our family and I don't even feel as if I can be a part of it. My sister is whole story within herself (recovering alcoholic and heroin user)...like to party with dad while growing up, that was their form of "bonding." Healthy uh?
I did not go to her baby shower out of fear that my dad would be there...after they heard the news I wouldn't be there the phone calls started. I was getting calls from friends, aunts, cousins, etc. And sure enough, good old dad showed up. But see, he and my sister are now BFFs and she doesn't "remember" anything that happened from our childhood and that I am being ridiculous and I should be ashamed for callling him an abusive alcoholic and that I should be ashamed for the way I am treating our mom.
I can literally do nothing right for my family and now, everything is starting to click. I always felt like I was never "good enough" for any guy I ever dated, let them treat me like **** and it's because that is how my own family treats me! Now, I am with someone who does NOT fight...in three years he has never called me one name and there have been many times when I almost effed that all up because of the way I fight. I fight like "they" do and I don't like it. So for the past six months with the help of a therapist, many books and my significant other I am working on changing myself and will not tolerate their sick, toxic behaviors anymore. I told my sister, if she wants a relationship with me we will have to do it without my parents being involved. They always have to be in control and are still in the mindset of "We are the parents and you will do as we say." My sister spends almost every weekend with them and talks to them both daily and it's hard and very sad for me.
They think I am doing this as some sort of punishment to them, but I am really taking care of myself.
Sorry for such a long post...I am new here and tried to get as much of my story out there as possible. I guess it's nice to see that I am not crazy and there are other's out there. My mom thinks just because he didn't hit us...that makes everything else OK and I am being overreactive.
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,437
Wow, what a journey. I'm glad you are seeing the truth about how they treat you. I had little contact with my folks, same situation. And my sister doesn't "remember" me being beat daily by our drunken father. You can read about it in my blog here under my name. Enough to say, you are in the right place, doing the right thing. What chaos huh?
I'm glad you have a boyfriend that doesn't perpetuate the situation.
By the way I would never leave my pet with my folks and that went double for my kids. Not once.
Have you tried telling these well meaning relatives and enablers the truth when they call? Like, "I'm sick and tired of dealing with my alcoholic Dad and enabling Mother. Leave me alone." and then hang up on them. Sorry to suggest being so blunt but this has gone on for a long time and no one probably understands. Not that it will help you, they will be outraged, but at least they would be wary of pestering you again.
I'm glad you have a boyfriend that doesn't perpetuate the situation.
By the way I would never leave my pet with my folks and that went double for my kids. Not once.
Have you tried telling these well meaning relatives and enablers the truth when they call? Like, "I'm sick and tired of dealing with my alcoholic Dad and enabling Mother. Leave me alone." and then hang up on them. Sorry to suggest being so blunt but this has gone on for a long time and no one probably understands. Not that it will help you, they will be outraged, but at least they would be wary of pestering you again.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 14
Thanks for your message...I was actually reading through some of the other threads and found your posts very helpful. It was after reading your post that I created my account.
And I actually just got off of the phone with a very dear long-time friend, who ran into my dad a bar last Friday...imagine that. My dad was BRAGGING to my friend about the voicemail he left me! Proud that he left his daughther a threatening voicemail, are you kidding me? He even stated to my friend that he cannot wait to have "his" day with me.
I have been very open with my family members and friends. Anyone that has been around my family knows that he is an angry person. While in high school none of my friends ever wanted to come to my house because of my mean drunk dad and I never wanted friends there because of that.
My current boyfriend did not meet my parents until this past December after THREE YEARS. I never knew if he was going to be drunk, say something inappropriate or hurt him in any way. I wanted and want things to work and I think there's a chance he could be the one and that will never happen with my parents in my life.
I don't know if my mom is resentful, jealous or what...she had me at 17 and all three of her kids by 25. Our life growing up was not easy and she was just a child herself. She met my dad at 14 so she doesn't know any other life...this to her is the norm. Her family was dysfunctional in it's own way and my father came from an alcoholic, abusive household where the words "I love you" were not allowed to be said and women were secondary. There was never a time growing up that my father took his own plate to the sink, not one time he ever mowed the lawn, took/picked us up from school...he "worked." Meaning he financially supported our family.
I am so sad for my mom who cannot see this and so sad that he is going around bragging about wanting to hurt his daughter. He is a sick, sick man and I pray for him and for now that is all I can do.
My dog will surely never be around them again and you can guarantee if I ever had children they would not be left alone with my parents. My parents don't respect my rules with my dog...I say no table scraps, they feed him right from their plates and think it's cute/funny, tell me to quit being so uptight.
My sister is having a second baby shower this weekend, thrown by the in-laws and it's here in my town. I was giong to go to this shower, but after talking to my friend tonight and hearing about how angry my father is, I don't trust it. I know my mom will be there and I am afraid he will show up. However, I promised my sister I would be at this shower, because I didn't go to the one for our "family."
And I actually just got off of the phone with a very dear long-time friend, who ran into my dad a bar last Friday...imagine that. My dad was BRAGGING to my friend about the voicemail he left me! Proud that he left his daughther a threatening voicemail, are you kidding me? He even stated to my friend that he cannot wait to have "his" day with me.
I have been very open with my family members and friends. Anyone that has been around my family knows that he is an angry person. While in high school none of my friends ever wanted to come to my house because of my mean drunk dad and I never wanted friends there because of that.
My current boyfriend did not meet my parents until this past December after THREE YEARS. I never knew if he was going to be drunk, say something inappropriate or hurt him in any way. I wanted and want things to work and I think there's a chance he could be the one and that will never happen with my parents in my life.
I don't know if my mom is resentful, jealous or what...she had me at 17 and all three of her kids by 25. Our life growing up was not easy and she was just a child herself. She met my dad at 14 so she doesn't know any other life...this to her is the norm. Her family was dysfunctional in it's own way and my father came from an alcoholic, abusive household where the words "I love you" were not allowed to be said and women were secondary. There was never a time growing up that my father took his own plate to the sink, not one time he ever mowed the lawn, took/picked us up from school...he "worked." Meaning he financially supported our family.
I am so sad for my mom who cannot see this and so sad that he is going around bragging about wanting to hurt his daughter. He is a sick, sick man and I pray for him and for now that is all I can do.
My dog will surely never be around them again and you can guarantee if I ever had children they would not be left alone with my parents. My parents don't respect my rules with my dog...I say no table scraps, they feed him right from their plates and think it's cute/funny, tell me to quit being so uptight.
My sister is having a second baby shower this weekend, thrown by the in-laws and it's here in my town. I was giong to go to this shower, but after talking to my friend tonight and hearing about how angry my father is, I don't trust it. I know my mom will be there and I am afraid he will show up. However, I promised my sister I would be at this shower, because I didn't go to the one for our "family."
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,437
Send her a wonderful gift. Think twice about going. You could always say you caught a cold...
I worked so hard for my poor Mom. But the truth is she was an enabler and wanted to be one. She worked hard to be one and continue to be one. She feigned victim-hood occasionally, mostly with my brother, totally inappropriately. But she could never really figure it out. Even lied about us in the last year of her life. Of course I cared about her but you can't care about someone that won't let you help. She has to help herself. And she might, as she sees you take care of yourself and break the pattern.
I worked so hard for my poor Mom. But the truth is she was an enabler and wanted to be one. She worked hard to be one and continue to be one. She feigned victim-hood occasionally, mostly with my brother, totally inappropriately. But she could never really figure it out. Even lied about us in the last year of her life. Of course I cared about her but you can't care about someone that won't let you help. She has to help herself. And she might, as she sees you take care of yourself and break the pattern.
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 688
I can relate to so many things in your post--the constant criticisms and fault-finding, the 'if you can't beat 'em join 'em' mentality of your mother, the trying to stay calm in the face of the ranting, walking into a room and noticing relatives aren't speaking to me. I've experienced it all, too--even the ugly phone calls! I posted here maybe 2-1/2 years ago about my dad leaving 11 hateful ugly voice mails on my phone, drunk at 10:30 in the morning, and refusing to quit so that I couldn't even call my students to set up my schedule for the quarter.
You're doing the right thing by taking care of yourself. I have a friend who keeps telling me it's usually the healthiest one in the family who gets turned into scapegoat, and it sounds like that's what's going on here. You live a fairly clean lifestyle, have a good job, a boyfriend, a dog you love...and they're all working on tearing you down.
I was so glad to find this place and read story after story just like mine--it helped me realize I really wasn't crazy. Welcome, and best of luck in your journey.
You're doing the right thing by taking care of yourself. I have a friend who keeps telling me it's usually the healthiest one in the family who gets turned into scapegoat, and it sounds like that's what's going on here. You live a fairly clean lifestyle, have a good job, a boyfriend, a dog you love...and they're all working on tearing you down.
I was so glad to find this place and read story after story just like mine--it helped me realize I really wasn't crazy. Welcome, and best of luck in your journey.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 14
Originally Posted by Kialua 
Send her a wonderful gift. Think twice about going. You could always say you caught a cold...
I worked so hard for my poor Mom. But the truth is she was an enabler and wanted to be one. She worked hard to be one and continue to be one. She feigned victim-hood occasionally, mostly with my brother, totally inappropriately. But she could never really figure it out. Even lied about us in the last year of her life. Of course I cared about her but you can't care about someone that won't let you help. She has to help herself. And she might, as she sees you take care of yourself and break the pattern.
I worked so hard for my poor Mom. But the truth is she was an enabler and wanted to be one. She worked hard to be one and continue to be one. She feigned victim-hood occasionally, mostly with my brother, totally inappropriately. But she could never really figure it out. Even lied about us in the last year of her life. Of course I cared about her but you can't care about someone that won't let you help. She has to help herself. And she might, as she sees you take care of yourself and break the pattern.
I am seriously considering calling her and just telling her after some of the things I've recently heard that my dad has been saying, I don't think it's a safe environment for me to be in. She will view this as selfish and that I don't care. So again, this is where I get stuck...do what I need to do for myself? Or go, have possible altercations with my mom or dad who may or may not show up and have anxiety for the next 48 hours over it?
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: east coast
Posts: 1,332
Peace,
I think its in your best interest to stay away and go no contact. Dont even tell your mom anything. I think what a person says when they are drunk is what they are thinking when sober. I would actually file a police report regarding your dad's threats. This is one of those situations where we often say to ourselves "but its my dad he wouldnt actually hurt me". And its that thinking that forces us not to trust our instincts and we wind up getting hurt or dead. If he beats your mom than he is capable of anything
I think its in your best interest to stay away and go no contact. Dont even tell your mom anything. I think what a person says when they are drunk is what they are thinking when sober. I would actually file a police report regarding your dad's threats. This is one of those situations where we often say to ourselves "but its my dad he wouldnt actually hurt me". And its that thinking that forces us not to trust our instincts and we wind up getting hurt or dead. If he beats your mom than he is capable of anything
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 688
Originally Posted by PeaceInYoga
I just took her an awesome gift the other night (so big I thought it would be easier to take it right to her house). And instead of just saying Thank You, she said, "Wow, I didn't think you'd buy me anything." REALLY?? Because I am that evil.
I am seriously considering calling her and just telling her after some of the things I've recently heard that my dad has been saying, I don't think it's a safe environment for me to be in. She will view this as selfish and that I don't care. So again, this is where I get stuck...do what I need to do for myself? Or go, have possible altercations with my mom or dad who may or may not show up and have anxiety for the next 48 hours over it?
I am seriously considering calling her and just telling her after some of the things I've recently heard that my dad has been saying, I don't think it's a safe environment for me to be in. She will view this as selfish and that I don't care. So again, this is where I get stuck...do what I need to do for myself? Or go, have possible altercations with my mom or dad who may or may not show up and have anxiety for the next 48 hours over it?
Best of luck.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 14
I literally just got off of the phone with my little brother who told me that both of my parents would be there on Saturday, my sister lied and they were planning a sabotage attack. I just called the RSVP line and told them I won't make it and I am not even going to tell my sister. If she asks I will tell her I had to work...end of story. She was part of their little plan and lied for them.
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