ACOAHappyNow

Today is a hard day for many of us. But it's also a day we can celebrate our freedom.

irisgardens

Yes it is...our freedom to be ourselves...our true selves...my father didn't abuse me more than the spankings that I probably richly deserved, but he did expect perfection...and he abused alcohol. He cared about family and was a codependent.

When he died, I learned that I was invisible and 'nothing' to mother...in fact, she said I was 'exactly' like Dad. It has only gotten worse over 13 years. I finally went no contact in February and after a huge grief attack...and letting, letting, letting go...am back on track...to a new job...and new beginnngs...without the toxicity.

chicory

Thank you for this post. I was sort of sitting here, feeling sorry for myself, not having had the sort of dad that a lot of people did. I was trying to find a good memory to attach a Happy Fathers day thought to.
It really makes me happy tho, that I have two son-in-laws who are good fathers and that my grandbabies will always have good memories of their dad.

SparkleKitty

Thank you for this post. My father was an enabler until the end, and it is taking me a very long time to forgive him for that, though he passed in early 2010. I have been avoiding Facebook all day as all of my friends are posting their fathers' photos and stories. I love my dad, but it's not the same. So thanks again.

hope22

Thank you for the post. I had very mixed feelings today. I no longer speak to my alcoholic father, and it kindof makes me sad but at the same time I'm free because of the toxic relationship with him and my half siblings. Thanks again for posting this, it made me feel not so alone and reminding me that loving from afar is not always a bad thing

Hollyanne

Thank you.
I am about 1 mile across the river from the man and I felt very alone today.
Sadly, my mother chooses to be right by his side and I feel like I am unable to have a relationship with her as she slips into senility. "The long goodbye" as Reagan called it.
I have a lot of anger at my mother for her role. I kind of accept him as a sick deranged psychopath, it just frustrates me that she chose and chooses him over us.
51 years married this year. Yippee for them. That is another day that won't be "celebrated".
I don't know how to detach.
Don't want to be around them.
Can't get them out of my head.

Kialua

We celebrated my husband and then he took the kids to his folks. I just don't want to. My alcoholic father is gone and it is nice to not have the trauma day. Just to sit in peace for a few hours.

hope22

Hollyanne, I know what you mean. I wish I had some words of wisdom for detaching I struggle with that as well. I try not to be angry, and let go but its easier said than done that's for sure. My situation is a little different my sisters completely support my father like he was the best father in the world. Even though he was abusive, I don't get it. I completely walked away. Sorry just venting. I know tomorrow will be better, hopefully for you too