deven

Thanks, and I am trying to do what is best for me and not friends or relatives. Also I was the one in college who never did any drugs (besides alcohol) and was basically cast out of my circle of friends for a couple of years while they experimented. It's just that (again...as in college) I am wanting to banish/cast out these demons from my life once and for all, and I'm not even sure if such a thing is possible or even where the demons truly reside and/or are hiding.

Mountainmanbob

deven

This is good advice that I (for one) all too often tend to forget. Thanks!

deven

I just had a sort of mini-epiphany about my unhealthy relationship with alcohol. A project came open for which my company is highly qualified. I have been praying for something exactly like this to come along, and now it has. I asked myself, would you be willing to give up alcohol if the contract would be yours tomorrow, and I actually paused to think about it. As I paused, something arose in me that feels like fear, failure, and loss. I don't think I'd feel the same way, or experience a hint of hesitation, if, say, I were being asked to give up fast food. I mean, I'd probably fear that I might slip up and break my vow at some point, but I would certainly wholeheartedly jump right into that "challenge." Really I don't even drink that much these days, so it would only mean giving it up when I have a few on the weekend or after a brew day with my brewing buddy. Like I mentioned, he was my roommate in Germany -- during that singular time in my life when I finally managed to break free of my mother and begin building a life for myself. So I know that part of my fear is that I would be losing that past and all the beautiful things, places, and feelings that came with it. Still, I know that a person with no alcoholic tendencies would never experience the type of thinking I experienced -- and will continue to experience.

Kialua

I have many friends that drink but I don't hang with them when they are drinking. It doesn't mean you will loose your friend, though it could happen, but that you may change what you do and when you are with them. Honestly, he may understand your dilema too, people are very well versed about alcoholism these days. Only a loutish brute would let it be a problem in the friendship and so if that is the case better off without them. You won't loose your memories of your happy times in Germany. Nothing can take that.

deven

Don't fear losing my friend at all. I've already discussed it with him, and he is supportive -- even thinks of quitting himself at some point. I guess my problem is that I've tied up so much time and effort into serving others and trying to keep them happy (my mom, my dyspraxic wife, my special-needs son, my alcoholic/depressed/suicidal friends, the poor woman that comes to our neighborhood begging for money and rides, God, etc., etc.), that sometimes all I want is to sit down and escape for a couple of hours with some beers. But then -- whether I have 2 or 8 -- I feel guilty the next day, like I have "fed the demons," and think somehow I've let myself and everyone down and that I don't deserve anything. I am constantly hearing this voice in my head, before I can even articulate a prayer/thought/exhortation: "Stop drinking." Then I begin to say, "But..." and it again interrupts: "Stop drinking.... Stop drinking.... Stop drinking." The voice sure doesn't seem to sound like the one I'm used to God using, but it's incessant sometimes and I have begun to believe that perhaps it is, in fact, God sending it to me. Dunno....

Kialua

hmm. Well try heeding it for a while and see what happens if you quit altogether.