Living with my alcoholic mother
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 2
Living with my alcoholic mother
Growing up, I felt like I never had to worry about my mother and alcohol. Her side of the family has a history of alcohol abuse, as she is European and they tend to not judge frequent alcohol use as harshly there (especially when she was growing up). Things fell apart with my parents' marriage and when they were divorced, she was put out on her own.
She finally finished her education and got a wonderful job, but what I did not know was that she was drinking heavily every day to cope with her loneliness and boredom. She'd already had a history of withdrawing from reality, but never substance abuse beyond cigarettes.
I would notice that she would drink a bit, but as the years went by, it worsened. One Christmas, I visited her with my sister, and my mother got so drunk that she fell and hit her head against the bathtub. She hurt herself, and I realized then that many of her bruises and the cigarette burns on her couches and rugs were from her being drunk enough that she'd hurt herself or fallen asleep while smoking.
I already worried about her, but immediately I began to worry even more. What would happen to my mother? She would kill herself smoking, either from cancer or a fire, or she would drink herself to death. She was diagnosed with severe high blood pressure and refused to do anything beyond taking medication. Her diet was already high in salt, her favorite taste.
Then live happened and I was divorced and homeless. She gave me a place to stay in her apartment and I eventually managed to talk her into changing to e-cigarettes, as her cigarettes were making me sick (I'm allergic to smoke). She quit her cigarettes and now is on e-cigs, but she's still continued to drink a 1.5 liter bottle of red wine a day. Even now, she still drinks until she passes out every night. She gets antsy when she can't have a drink and she is almost always irritable and moody. She never wants to listen to me, but expects me to listen to the same stories she tells over and over again.
When she drinks, she gets extremely loud and irritable, often lashing out at me over small things (like using her food - which I've cooked for her or not wiping the waterspots out of the sink, something she doesn't do either). It's affecting me a lot, as I've become even more paranoid around her. I'm afraid to do anything wrong for fear that she'll snap at me, which worsens my anxiety (for which I have no medication for anymore since I was divorced). I can tell when she is going to snap too, she uses my first name or says 'can I ask you a question?'
She's had several scares with her blood pressure being way too high, but she won't do anything about them other than minorly edit her diet. To my knowledge, she still eats the things she's not supposed to eat (salami, ham, bacon, etc.) I am terrified that I am going to come home or wake up one morning and find her dead, but she doesn't seem to care about that at all. I know that I can't make her care, but she doesn't realize that she's being incredibly selfish. The rest of my family has concerns too, but I just don't know what to do.
We're very close, but she's emotionally abusive, especially when she has had something to drink. I don't think she realizes that her alcohol abuse has reached the point of alcoholism. I doubt she sees herself as an alcoholic at all. It has gotten to the point where I avoid most alcohol, even a benign drink in social situations, and I've started to judge my friends who consume alcohol more than a couple of times a week. I just don't know what to do.
I'm a student, so I couldn't survive on my own without her help. I can't exactly take her on head-to-head since she's helping me to make ends meet. What can I even do?
I'm so depressed and frustrated at her, that she refuses to take care of herself and seems to have this air of 'I do what I want' about her whenever. It's so incredibly selfish.
It's also gotten to the point where I'm afraid to leave her now, whether it is to move to another city or to get a job elsewhere, because I am afraid that she will succumb to her fatalistic way of acting and thinking.
I just don't know what to do anymore!
She finally finished her education and got a wonderful job, but what I did not know was that she was drinking heavily every day to cope with her loneliness and boredom. She'd already had a history of withdrawing from reality, but never substance abuse beyond cigarettes.
I would notice that she would drink a bit, but as the years went by, it worsened. One Christmas, I visited her with my sister, and my mother got so drunk that she fell and hit her head against the bathtub. She hurt herself, and I realized then that many of her bruises and the cigarette burns on her couches and rugs were from her being drunk enough that she'd hurt herself or fallen asleep while smoking.
I already worried about her, but immediately I began to worry even more. What would happen to my mother? She would kill herself smoking, either from cancer or a fire, or she would drink herself to death. She was diagnosed with severe high blood pressure and refused to do anything beyond taking medication. Her diet was already high in salt, her favorite taste.
Then live happened and I was divorced and homeless. She gave me a place to stay in her apartment and I eventually managed to talk her into changing to e-cigarettes, as her cigarettes were making me sick (I'm allergic to smoke). She quit her cigarettes and now is on e-cigs, but she's still continued to drink a 1.5 liter bottle of red wine a day. Even now, she still drinks until she passes out every night. She gets antsy when she can't have a drink and she is almost always irritable and moody. She never wants to listen to me, but expects me to listen to the same stories she tells over and over again.
When she drinks, she gets extremely loud and irritable, often lashing out at me over small things (like using her food - which I've cooked for her or not wiping the waterspots out of the sink, something she doesn't do either). It's affecting me a lot, as I've become even more paranoid around her. I'm afraid to do anything wrong for fear that she'll snap at me, which worsens my anxiety (for which I have no medication for anymore since I was divorced). I can tell when she is going to snap too, she uses my first name or says 'can I ask you a question?'
She's had several scares with her blood pressure being way too high, but she won't do anything about them other than minorly edit her diet. To my knowledge, she still eats the things she's not supposed to eat (salami, ham, bacon, etc.) I am terrified that I am going to come home or wake up one morning and find her dead, but she doesn't seem to care about that at all. I know that I can't make her care, but she doesn't realize that she's being incredibly selfish. The rest of my family has concerns too, but I just don't know what to do.
We're very close, but she's emotionally abusive, especially when she has had something to drink. I don't think she realizes that her alcohol abuse has reached the point of alcoholism. I doubt she sees herself as an alcoholic at all. It has gotten to the point where I avoid most alcohol, even a benign drink in social situations, and I've started to judge my friends who consume alcohol more than a couple of times a week. I just don't know what to do.
I'm a student, so I couldn't survive on my own without her help. I can't exactly take her on head-to-head since she's helping me to make ends meet. What can I even do?
I'm so depressed and frustrated at her, that she refuses to take care of herself and seems to have this air of 'I do what I want' about her whenever. It's so incredibly selfish.
It's also gotten to the point where I'm afraid to leave her now, whether it is to move to another city or to get a job elsewhere, because I am afraid that she will succumb to her fatalistic way of acting and thinking.
I just don't know what to do anymore!
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South Pacific
Posts: 171
My dad's big bugbear was the U-pipe under the sink. Sometime in the long distant past someone had put hot fat down the sink- and the pipe had blocked...
...he had no fix-it instincts at all. There was always going to be a minor glitch
which was going to lead to some ginormous federal case. pow bam!
...he had no fix-it instincts at all. There was always going to be a minor glitch
which was going to lead to some ginormous federal case. pow bam!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 2
Oh, she's got so many I can't even count - that's the one that she stands over me in the kitchen when I'm cleaning and will be like "WATER SPOTS" and when I call her out for it being crappy, she throws another fit. She was the mom who, as we were growing up, would always tell us to "STOP THAT" very loudly. It's just gotten worse as she's developed her problem!
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,437
Hi, welcome. Sorry your Mom is getting out of control. Have you read through the Adult Children of Alcoholics book? It has a lot of insight to help you figure out how to live through this. Here is a thread from the stickies above for some books that we have recommended
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...oks-acoas.html
Do you have any Alanon or ACoA meetings nearby you could attend? That helps too.
I never lived with my alcoholic Dad after 18, but many people here have.
Also look at this thread and see how it applies to your situation. Keep posting and we can chime in and try to be helpful.
Roles in an Alcoholic Family
The Alcoholism and Addictions Help Forums- by SoberRecovery.com (Roles in an Alcoholic Family)
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...oks-acoas.html
Do you have any Alanon or ACoA meetings nearby you could attend? That helps too.
I never lived with my alcoholic Dad after 18, but many people here have.
Also look at this thread and see how it applies to your situation. Keep posting and we can chime in and try to be helpful.
Roles in an Alcoholic Family
The Alcoholism and Addictions Help Forums- by SoberRecovery.com (Roles in an Alcoholic Family)
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