Dolce7

It's been years since I have visited this site. It helped me so much a few years ago, especially right after I left home. It's actually been so long that my username wasn't even recognized and I could re-register with the same name I used years ago. Fun stuff. I honestly haven't needed to come here very often, and I thank all of you in part for that. I've made better boundaries, better relationships (at least some, more to come), and I feel like I have come to terms with many issues I struggled with almost every day. It's not gone, just much better and I can deal with it now.

That said, I'm having some issues tonight, hence my typing at 1am. Tonight I went to a work party. I'm 23, and we are all pretty close and hang out often outside of work. I have been having some issues with someone I considered almost a best friend for the last year, and I think the relationship is past repair. Drinking is almost always a part of our events, which I'm fine with because I don't have issues with drinking myself. For various reasons, I had to drive myself to the restaurant which is 30 miles from home. The, well once friend I guess, kept telling me to get on her level (there was one sober driver and they all drank before getting to the restaurant). I told her I would have a couple of drinks so long as a few people stayed with me while I sobered up. So I had probably the equivalent of 4 shots, and dinner took 2.5 hours. Not enough time for me to sober up.

Everyone decided they wanted to go home at 9:30. Some were fairly ready to go home, but I thought at least someone would stay with me since there were 7 of them. But nope, they all left me. I think this is so hard because of my abandonment issues, so it's hard for me to tell what is normal here. I told them I would just go sleep for awhile in my car before driving home, and maybe they thought it really was fine, but I think I would have done more had the tables been turned. My boyfriend (of three years who is amazing, I could go on for hours about how great he is) drove all the way just to sit with me since I called him crying. I asked him just to talk with me on the phone, but since he had heard a little of the situation from my texts, he was already planning on driving to sit with me (love the guy!).

He was livid at my "friend." The three of us used to hang out often, and it's sad that it's come to this. But I'm just so fed up with her and the whole group. After I went to my car alone, she sent a text somewhat apologizing and making excuses as to why she couldn't stay with me. It just doesn't sit right with me. She told me to drink with her, to have some fun, and then they all just left me to sober up alone in my car, having no idea my boyfriend was on the way.

It's hard to have faith in humanity sometimes. I love my boyfriend very much, and it does help so much, but I want to have friends as well. And this just doesn't feel like what it should.

Mracoa

Sounds like a crappy night. Hope you make sense of your friendships.

Kialua

You'll find a great deal of us (on this forum) are uncomfortable with drinking because of how we were raised. I don't find myself in these situations at all so I have no idea why they did that except that, that is what happens when you drink. It's unpredictable and your best friend can turn on you because they are intoxicated and not in full control of their faculties. To expect drinking and drinkers to be fair and sound minded is probably not always going to happen. Depending on drinkers to fulfill their promises is iffy at best. You are lucky you have such a nice boyfriend.

Reedling

Welcome back.

It hurts so much for me to recognize I need to let go of friends. It takes me forever and I usually let things get pretty bad for me. But ultimately the pain of being with people when it is wrong is greater than the pain of letting them go.

It's always about me not them. They are just doing what is in their nature, I am the one now having the problem with it. (That any sane person would have a problem? is usually beside the point.)

With time after letting go I'm in a much better place because I did the right thing for myself and am not making myself crazy any more-- not trying to be someone I'm not, not enduring situations that hurt me.

STaylor98

I dont know if your friends were drunk or not but its hard to tell whats really right in the case. I know that because of my issue with my father, loyalty is huge for me. I have had to redefine my definition of loyalty and friendship because my sense of it was on a whole other level. I am 20 and about to turn 21. I have alot of ackward moments with my friends in drinking. The sad thing is you can never put to much stoke into the most loyal friend you have once there alcohol involved. I think the best thing to do would to be honest with your friend. Maybe if you would have told them, "hey guys I dont feel comfortable staying, I just need more time" Things would have been different. I hope all goes well. its always hard to tell if a your being to sensitive or if its really a messed up situation...ive been there trust me.