03fifteen

So, i'm trying to figure out if I should move with my Boyfriend to his family's house. It's about 2 hours away from where we are now in the countryside, so there isn't much to walk to, you need a car to get into town. Also all of my friends are around here, but its not like there isn't anything too far away there either...

There are some benefits, his family (father and two brothers) are really nice, they have a nice house with plenty of space to fit us, its not like it would be a tight squeeze to live there. We wouldn't have to worry about paying rent or worrying about food or anything.
Without all the responsibility we could save to move out (eventually) and it would give me time to work on projects and crafts that i could sell.

Some things that concern me are
1) getting stuck there
2)being able to get to drs/therapist
3)getting meds
4)not going crazy

1)i'm worried about getting stuck there and not having a way out or a plan out. I understand that it is nice that we could have a place to stay and not worry about responsibilities and such, but at the same time eventually we will need to move out on our own, I just don't want to get stuck at his dad's house like my uncle did at his parent's house and then not have any real stability.

2)i'm not sure (since its in another state) what their state insurance programs are like. i am currently on a state insurance program here, and we would only be moving a couple of hours away, but i'm not sure if i'm eligible or how to get it, and if i have to change it when i move. I don't have the money for drs appointments, therapy and meds on my own, i currently don't have to pay for any of those with my current insurance. And i know if i don't have these things i'm not going to do well in a new environment as i am still "healing".

3)again, i'm not sure how i would get meds when i move if i no longer have insurance. I'm currently taking an anti depressant and a prescription sleeping aid. And i know going off the anti depressants would not be good.

4)I know I will enjoy living with his family. They are all very nice people. But we have a good number of friends here and we go out often and there are things to do around here that are easily accessible. I can walk/bus places easily. With the move we'd need a car to get places. And while one of his brothers and his father has a car its not like we can just use theirs.

But at the same time if he is moving back in with his family I don't want to be apart from him for very long. We are very good and supportive to each other and while we aren't married we are in a very committed relationship. I know it would be very hard on me to be away from him for an extended period of time.

Sorry for the ramble i just thought coming here and voicing my concerns would be a good idea and maybe i could get some advice.

~03fifteen

p.s. He's never had any problems with his family.

Kialua

Sounds like too many problems. Especially the one being stuck out in nowhere in a different state. If you were married maybe then I'd consider it. It's a lot to give up, just to live with someone's family. But I don't know anything about the situation. Can you live on your own? I would.

03fifteen

It's almost like we're married, and we do intend on getting married eventually. I currently can't live on my own, my depression keeps me from a stable job, and the only reason i'm not living with my parents is because i'm a live in caregiver and i dont have to pay rent.

Kialua

Well then what other options do you have? Can you continue to live in as a caregiver fulltime?

Mracoa

I think you are smart to be leery about becoming completely dependant on someone who is not your husband. Maybe take a weeks vacation and go visit. Scout the area for job opportunities. Figure out what your access to a vechicle would be, ect.

If things didn't work out, or got ugly, not being married means you would be 100% on your own to get out and find a new place. An ex boyfriend doesn't have the same legal responsibilities that an ex-husband would have.

tromboneliness

That would be my concern. When I moved 1,000 miles to take up housekeeping with... a woman I was not married to, and she turned out to be an alcoholic and very ill... it was pretty lonely out there. I had no friends out there other than a few co-workers, no network at all, nothing. Things turned out okay, but for awhile, it was not looking good. This one has red-flag written all over it.

T

MusicLanguage

It is great that you bare reaching out for help, but I suggest you open up to your therapist about this. They have a more comprehensive understanding of your background.

03fifteen

my therapist seems to be ok with the idea. my real main concerns are keeping up with meds and therapy. I'm still looking into that. Thankfully i've lived with my boyfriend for about a year now. We are very close and open about everything.

atalose

Is your BF also part of your live in care taking job? Why does he want to move back home with his parents?

It's been my experience that the people who've moved back home with their parents to save money, and get their life together - usually don't. Its like they don't have to, someone else is taking care of them, they dont' need to do that for themselves.
They don't need to buy food or worry about paying rent or having car payments any of those adult responsibilites. Often it's like taking a step backwards.

I've also seen situations where people have lost their jobs and are unable to find another and unemployment just doesn't cut it for them to pay all their bills. Moving back home allowed them the oportunity to continue to pay their debts because the rent agreeement they worked out with mom and dad allowed them that. BUT they still paid rent, still remained responsible adults and when employment became availale they moved out again on their own.

You'd be giving up alot of the stable things in your life right now. Not real sure exactly what your current living situations is with BF and as a life in care giver but it seems to allow you some kind of independence, something you may lose by moving under someone else's roof and following their rules.