mia82

Hi,

I think that the steps are exactly what I need to work on. I was hoping to do it by myself but the more threads I read the more I realize that it takes a sponsor to help guide me through the steps.
I keep reading about Alanon but I live in a small country in Europe that doesn't even have regular psychotherapy let alone sponsors for this type of matter.
I was wondering if any of you more seasoned forum users have ever volunteered to be a sponsor to someone?
I have one friend that I could ask to do it, but I don't know what her exact role would be and if she could relate as she has no connection to alcoholism whatsoever.
Please let me know your thoughts.

bryangt

In either AA or Al-Anon, the norm is to have someone sponsor you who has some time under their belt and is in & understands the program. See if you can go on-line to find the closest meetings to you--go and listen and hopefully you can find someone who you can relate to. Having a sponsor to work the steps is key as they have done it before and can guide you.

mia82

Hi bryangt,

for me going to a closest meeting would mean having to go to another country. I simply don't have the financial means to do so.
I take it, I am hopeless then?

Coldfusion

HI MIA,

This is what a sponsor means to me...

One thing a sponsor does is to be physically available. Not sure if you have seen the movie Flight, but the sponsor takes a woman out of an abusive situation. She actually goes there in her car and drives her away.

So you need someone who can commit to driving to your small country to rescue you if the going gets tough. There are people like that out there, but it may take you a while to find him or her. If you keep this thread going, that person might find this thread.

One problem with searching here is that, from what I have seen, this message board is mainly frequented by newcomer's in a crisis and a few old-timers, some of whom may be physical sponsors. You need to tap into a resource for qualified volunteers. Have you tried contacting Al-Anon?

I can go to my sponsor's (or his sponsor's) home at any time , 24/7, and either of them would come get me if I need help.

edit: I am doing my fourth step now, and doing something like this brings up some pretty powerful emotions. I don't know if I would trust somebody on the internet to help me with that.

mia82

Hi Coldfusion

thanks for your post. I must say that coming to this site it felt extremely encouraging, I felt that I finally found something that may help me out a bit. But now, reading 2 experiences already, I am back to feeling discomfort and hopelessness.
I hope that what you are suggesting will come true, but for some reason, I doubt it.
I will start to work on the steps myself and see what comes out of it. I know it can't hurt, right?

DavidG

Hi Mia,

Like you I do not have access to therapy. I live in the South Pacific.

Beside having a sponsor, ACA suggests having a 'fellow traveller' to go through the steps with. I am using the yellow workbook and doing this at the moment, with an ACA member in the USA.

I have Alanon as well, and I am an active member. This gives me a good base. ACA is strong and is giving me the help I have needed for so long...

...if you keep posting to this forum I am sure you will get guidance. Group guidance, I believe is the strength of ACA. I think it possible to do steps 1,2, and 3 this way.

What do others think?

David.

Kialua

Don't give up so fast, there is much you can do by yourself. Read read read. And keep posting, you will make forum friends. We are here to discuss a lot of things. But you have to be here on the forum and start your threads. Start by reading the stickies above here and by reading some peoples blogs. My blog is here, but it mainly focuses on my childhood.

Look at the books thread and get some books if you can. Or just keep reading here. Do you have youtube access? There is a lot on there to watch as well if you don't like a lot of reading.

Good luck

Kialua

Read through this thread sticky, it has a lot on how to get started, and books listed. Click on each link in the thread and it opens more information.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...y-us-acoa.html

Reedling

I'm an expat, have lived in places without meetings, and done very well with email sponsorship. I like to write however.

I think Skype sponsorship could work very well for those who like to talk.

tromboneliness

That's a bit above and beyond the call of duty. Sure, it would be great if a sponsor could physically show up and rescue the person from a tight spot (ideally, they'd be about 6'5", 320 pounds and run 4.5 in the 40-yard dash while carrying a 150-pound adult), but I wouldn't hold out for that. A sponsor who's willing to take a phone call anytime would do.

While we're at it, though, I highly recommend the ACA Workbook (the yellow spiral-bound book) for doing the steps with a sponsor. It's full of writing exercises that are really great. I went through it a couple of years ago with my sponsor and a few other people from my regular meeting. Best thing I've ever done!

T

mia82

Reedling,

how did you find someone for email sponsorship?

Reedling

One suggestion re finding a sponsor is find someone who has what you want, and ask them how they got it.

This advice actually never worked for me. As an ACoA my sponsor picker was broken I think, I had too much damage from betrayal and explotiation by authority figures. But it is traditional to give it somehow.

Sometimes email groups maintain sponsor lists, I found one sponsor that way and we worked together for years. She was looking to do service and basically assigned herself to me when I wrote asking for a sponsor and it was almost totally random. Here, I would read around the boards.

For alcoholics and addicts I think there can be a lot of emphasis on finding a sponsor right away. As an ACoA I personally think it can be fine to wait, and wait longer, and wait even longer-- meanwhile learning about the steps on our own terms. Authority figures can be very scary and problems with them very painful. And we usually don't need to be pushed by a sponsor to do stepwork-- ACoAs often know all about hard work and throw ourselves into it 200%. Maybe a sponsor who occasionally reminds us it's ok to take a day off from this stuff would be good.

mia82

Very encouraging, Reedling! Thanks!
For me it's mostly about knowing that I am not doing it wrong. As far as the steps are concerned, I think that considering I have never devoted any time to answering any questions so that I can come to peace with my life, I can see value in completing the steps even though i'm in it alone, so to say.

VickiACA

mia82,

Have you tried any of the on-line or telephone meetings.
World Meeting List

You can change the country to pick - telephone or on-line. You might find a sponsor or fellow traveler through one of those sights.

You can also order the red-book and workbook through the ACA site.

Best wishes.
Vicki

DesertEyes

Hello mia, and pleased to "meet" you

Not at all

All of the 12 step programs, including ACA, were started by a handful of people who were entirely on their own. It wasn't until _years_ later that they found enough people to do meetings and write books. They got well by themselves, and without the internet.

The suggestions others have pointed out are exactly what other "Lone Ranger" ACA's do. Having a sponsor does not require a person who is physically close, it just requires somebody who has recently overcome the issues you are currently struggling with. On the internet, there's millions of us

Over in the Friends and Family section we have a "Step Study" forum for the use of people who are unable to attend face-to-face meetings.

Friends and Family Step Study - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

You can also start a thread right here in the ACA forum on each step. And that is just here on SR, there's dozens of other ACA forums on the web, so you are _far_, _far_ from hopeless

Mike

Coldfusion

Mia, I would like to stress that my first post was my experience only.

I don't know what your situation is, but you wouldn't be here if you didn't have some kind of problem.

Just be sure you can get the physical help you need if this problem gets out-of-control.

Happy step work!