siblingofaddict

So now a year or so later, I'm back at Sober Recovery....wishing I never left. I stopped doing the work on myself about a year ago when a new relationship made me very happy - until my ACA issues kicked in. Controlling, picking fights when it was too calm, not being able to say no or set healthy boundaries. Taking a relationship that was the healthiest I ever had to one where both of us where unhappy in a matter of weeks. Last week, he said he couldn't do it anymore. The time apart has made me realize that yet again, my ACA issues are controlling me and my behavior.

Now I'm back to trying to make myself better, but facing yet again losing someone because of my unresolved habits. This time, it feels like the relationship would have worked if I had kept working on my ACA issues. I know I need some time to work through my issues, and he needs some space to kind of heal from the damage I inflicted. I think he might be willing to work with me after he's had some time but I don't know how to approach this. Other than doing my self work and not slipping this time...

Just wanted to put it out there. It's hard when your friends and family love you but don't really understand.

DavidG

Hmmm... yes... I started going to Alanon 30 years ago, just before I got married. Over the last 4 years I have gotten more into ACA... it wasn't easy- some times it seemed impossible, but I am still in a relationship. And we have kids and grand-kids...

take care :>)

David.

Kialua

You can do it. Keep at it. I forgot where you are with (underserved) forgiveness. I think it's the key. It's the give up let God mode. Not much else works I've found.

siblingofaddict

I don't know how to forgive myself again...I don't think I really did the first time I became aware of my issues a year a half ago. Now I've lost someone that I had a healthy relationship with because he doesn't believe I can change, even though once again it took him saying "enough" and needing space (therefore giving me space) to see that my ACA issues were once again at work in my life. The last thing we said to each other was that we still love each other. How can I not hope for a way to get him to work with me while I work on me?

Definitely struggling with Let Go and Let God.

Kialua

It's hard to not have hope, but when it's controlling your life then it's not hope it's desperation which is probably codependence.