findmeintahiti

I relate to trumpet- my father just died of Cirrhosis of the liver & liver cancer that spread. Once diagnosed, about a month ago- he could receive no treatment and we were aware he would die. He passed last week and a half ago, about an hour after I left his house. I was able to turn around in the car and go help my mom. It was hard to see him there one moment and his spirit gone the next. I am taking care of all the affairs for my mom, who also drinks but it was always in the background of my dad's alcoholism. I am 8 years sober and made my peace with him and I miss our uncomplicated conversations on the phone these past few years- I got him, the drunk because I was one as well...but struggle to hear my moms voice on the phone when I call to hear she's been drinking. I have aweful memories of childhood and I don't know how to process all the different emotions right now. I know I will be going through a grief process, I am hoping someone can recommend a book that might be helpful. My brother was pretty distant from him and not a source of much help at this time- we don't even talk about it. I have looked through some books but they were about this great loving relationship and parent/child thing which I didn't have, so is not helpful. Appreciate any help.

Dee74

I'm sorry for your loss findme.

I have no personal experience to share but I wanted to welcome you to SR - there's a lot of support here

D

DesertEyes

Hello findmeintahiti, and welcome to SoberRecovery

I am sorry to hear about the death of your dad. I can't imagine how difficult it must be for you to have to deal with your mom drinking at this time.

You are in the right place. Processing emotions is one of the challenges we deal with here. I lost my father, uncle and aunt in a 3 week period, all from alcoholism. I think I went thru all the emotions a human could have as I stumbled my way thru that time in my life.

Sure, here's a few suggestions that I have found helpful:

Amazon.com: Recovery: A Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics (9780671645281): Herbert L. Gravitz, Julie D. Bowden: Books

ACA Fellowship Text

We have some discussions on books that the members recommend here:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...oks-acoas.html

Welcome again, I hope we can be of some comfort to you as you manage thru this hardship.

Mike
Moderator, SR

Kialua

Welcome tahiti! I'm sorry you are going through this. I think you will find some understanding here. The book listed above is a great help. My siblings don't talk at all about our life growing up either. We have all pretty much gone our own way. I have found it to be a relief now that both my parents are dead, Alcoholic Dad and enabler Mom.

Your quote above reminds me of every Fathers Day and Mothers Day trying to find a card but they were all for great loving relationships. I understand.

DefofLov

I just wanted to show some support. My parents have been separated my entire life and I didn't meet my father until I was an adult. Both are alcoholics.

I believe you are in the right place. When I realized I was an ACOA, and started learning about what that meant, I got a great deal of clarity. Going to Al-Anon meetings, getting a sponsor, and having a recovery program is helping me heal in a way that counseling and self help books never could. Having a higher power helps me to feel whole. Doing the 12 steps is helping me learn a great deal about myself and how human I am. And that it is okay to be human and to not be perfect

Glad you are here with us.

Love,

Lily

Veritas1

Thank you. I didn't know such a book existed. (ACA Fellowship text)