Pregnant and Scared
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 8
Pregnant and Scared
Hello,
So both my parents are addicts, my mother is addicted to cocaine and is a past user of heroine and alcohol. My father is an alcoholic and sexually abused me. I originally came to this site because I thought my boyfriend was also using, we talked about it and he admitted his drug use and basically said he was scared because he thought I would leave him. But we worked through most of it and he hasn't done any drugs since we talked. (well he has smoked pot occasionally but always tells me)
Anyways I am pregnant now and terrified, I am so scared that I won't know how to raise a baby I was not taken care of and basically raised myself, and the idea of having a baby scares me. My boyfriend is planning on taking 2 months off of work to help me which I am relieved. And I am scared that he will choose a substance over me (now let me get this straight I am not really scared of him relapsing because since we found out he has become a better man and I know that this baby is the most important thing to him, he hasn't even drank around me, I'm just scared of it happening because it has happened before with my parents)
I know my boyfriend will be a great dad I am scared of becoming a mom though because I never had the example, my boyfriend keeps telling me I will be a great mom because he watches me with my niece but I am terrified, this baby was not planned and I don't know how I am going to do it
So both my parents are addicts, my mother is addicted to cocaine and is a past user of heroine and alcohol. My father is an alcoholic and sexually abused me. I originally came to this site because I thought my boyfriend was also using, we talked about it and he admitted his drug use and basically said he was scared because he thought I would leave him. But we worked through most of it and he hasn't done any drugs since we talked. (well he has smoked pot occasionally but always tells me)
Anyways I am pregnant now and terrified, I am so scared that I won't know how to raise a baby I was not taken care of and basically raised myself, and the idea of having a baby scares me. My boyfriend is planning on taking 2 months off of work to help me which I am relieved. And I am scared that he will choose a substance over me (now let me get this straight I am not really scared of him relapsing because since we found out he has become a better man and I know that this baby is the most important thing to him, he hasn't even drank around me, I'm just scared of it happening because it has happened before with my parents)
I know my boyfriend will be a great dad I am scared of becoming a mom though because I never had the example, my boyfriend keeps telling me I will be a great mom because he watches me with my niece but I am terrified, this baby was not planned and I don't know how I am going to do it
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
Welcome Crispywhisper 
I'm not a parent - I was never blessed that way - but I think the instinct to nuture is in all of us...there are many great parents here who came from some pretty screwed up families...
I don't think it matters so much whether you've had a good teacher or not - there's a lot of support around nowadays for young parents
I think you'll do just fine, especially if you and your partner stay clean and sober.
You'll give your baby the best possible chance that way
D
I'm not a parent - I was never blessed that way - but I think the instinct to nuture is in all of us...there are many great parents here who came from some pretty screwed up families...
I don't think it matters so much whether you've had a good teacher or not - there's a lot of support around nowadays for young parents
I think you'll do just fine, especially if you and your partner stay clean and sober.
You'll give your baby the best possible chance that way
D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: SLC, UT
Posts: 33
I had my child when I was only 17 & I would stay u all night w/worry about how I was going to do it. My parents were awefull parents! so I had no idea how to do it. This feeling you're having is very common for new mothers. In fact, its a really good sign that you want to do everything right for your baby & are worried about it (some people just don't care about messing up) Sounds like all those motherly instincts are already kicking in. one thing I always do when I need answers on parenting, I just think about what mt parents would have done, & do the opposite! Lol try not to stress it & enjoy this fun & exciting time w/your bf. be super greatful that you guys are together & he is sober & supportive. That's all a baby really needs- loving caring parents that work together. The rest will come surprisingly natural.
. one thing I always do when I need answers on parenting, I just think about what mt parents would have done, & do the opposite! Lol try not to stress it & enjoy this fun & exciting time w/your bf. be super greatful that you guys are together & he is sober & supportive. That's all a baby really needs- loving caring parents that work together. The rest will come surprisingly natural.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
Your going to be great!
I think all women, me included, worry when we find out we are pregnant.
I have a three year old, but I remember having all sorts of worries when I was expecting.
What if the baby does not like me?
How will I know when the baby is hungry?
Those were just my top two worries!
You have seen how not to do it, so really you know how to do it well.
Maybe buy some books?
I am not young and I was surprised how little I knew about the practical bits of caring for a baby. I wish I had read more books.
When to wean them from milk to food.
Ways of swaddling them so they sleep better.
How to recognise signs they are teething.
All those sorts of things.
But really, I think its a natural time to worry. Pregnancy makes you have emotional thoughts..all those hormones racing around, the sickness, the tiredness.
You are a bit more sensitive because of what you experienced.
But you can do this and you can do this well I know you can.
Try not to worry. You need to be calm to grow a big healthy bump!
Be excited.
Its an amazing time in your life!
Lots of love to you
xxxx
I think all women, me included, worry when we find out we are pregnant.
I have a three year old, but I remember having all sorts of worries when I was expecting.
What if the baby does not like me?
How will I know when the baby is hungry?
Those were just my top two worries!
You have seen how not to do it, so really you know how to do it well.
Maybe buy some books?
I am not young and I was surprised how little I knew about the practical bits of caring for a baby. I wish I had read more books.
When to wean them from milk to food.
Ways of swaddling them so they sleep better.
How to recognise signs they are teething.
All those sorts of things.
But really, I think its a natural time to worry. Pregnancy makes you have emotional thoughts..all those hormones racing around, the sickness, the tiredness.
You are a bit more sensitive because of what you experienced.
But you can do this and you can do this well I know you can.
Try not to worry. You need to be calm to grow a big healthy bump!
Be excited.
Its an amazing time in your life!
Lots of love to you
xxxx
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
I think it is a good sign that you are worrying about it. Shows you know how much more a parent needs to be, than you were shown. I just wanted to share a bit.
My parents were both alcoholics. Me and my siblings were neglected overall, and not given much of what children need. I got married very young to escape the home. When I became pregnant, I was so excited to have someone that I would truly love and who would truly love me. A new start on life, in a way. I was determined not to make the same mistakes my parents did, and for the most part I did not. I have made my own, though, and everyone does. No one is perfect. But loving them and teaching them how to be a happy, giving, productive person is a great gift.
I did start going to al-anon, and ACA (adult children of alcoholics) and I learned so much about myself, and how to be really happy, and it also helps to teach us what normal is (whatever that is-lol) and how to have healthy relationships with our children and others. Our children learn that from us.
I think you are going to do fine, as long as you take care of yourself, and be determined to live a healthy, peace-filled life.
best wishes to you and dad and of course, baby!
chicory
My parents were both alcoholics. Me and my siblings were neglected overall, and not given much of what children need. I got married very young to escape the home. When I became pregnant, I was so excited to have someone that I would truly love and who would truly love me. A new start on life, in a way. I was determined not to make the same mistakes my parents did, and for the most part I did not. I have made my own, though, and everyone does. No one is perfect. But loving them and teaching them how to be a happy, giving, productive person is a great gift.
I did start going to al-anon, and ACA (adult children of alcoholics) and I learned so much about myself, and how to be really happy, and it also helps to teach us what normal is (whatever that is-lol) and how to have healthy relationships with our children and others. Our children learn that from us.
I think you are going to do fine, as long as you take care of yourself, and be determined to live a healthy, peace-filled life.
best wishes to you and dad and of course, baby!
chicory
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
My other tip to you, and any lady expecting a baby would be to join some groups where you can meet other mums.
Its great time to make new friends!
I'm in the UK so the groups I joined will be different.
I did baby swimming, joined netmums, which is online. I signed up to baby massage too. When I was pregnant I did yoga with other mums.
I'm still friends with all the mums I met.
We meet often with our babies.
Its good to talk to other mums about how sleepless nights, teething and how you are feeling.
Its nice to have a friend to go to for a walk with babies in prams with.
I agree with Chicory that maybe alanon would be a good idea. Sometimes becoming a mum triggers feelings from our childhoods. What was done well and what was not.
Its great time to make new friends!
I'm in the UK so the groups I joined will be different.
I did baby swimming, joined netmums, which is online. I signed up to baby massage too. When I was pregnant I did yoga with other mums.
I'm still friends with all the mums I met.
We meet often with our babies.
Its good to talk to other mums about how sleepless nights, teething and how you are feeling.
Its nice to have a friend to go to for a walk with babies in prams with.
I agree with Chicory that maybe alanon would be a good idea. Sometimes becoming a mum triggers feelings from our childhoods. What was done well and what was not.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,437
You didn't say how old you are and if you are still living with your parents, or boyfriend. I would say please don't live with your parents no matter what, and be really careful and diligent if your bf is using. It can be really really hard to know, users are very sneaky and lie a lot.
Whatever you do, never ever leave your baby with your parents, no matter what they promise they cannot be trusted. Ever. I never left mine with my parents once. You are the only one that can be your baby's defense. This is a job that will take the next 19 years of your life being devoted to the baby.
Do you want emotional support? This group is church based but non judgmental and they can really help, emotionally and financially:
Birthright International - 800-550-4900
Do you need to know what to expect being pregnant? Here is a good information from Mayo Clinic online:
First trimester pregnancy: What to expect - MayoClinic.com
and
A Week-by-Week Pregnancy Calendar
Do you need assistance financially, or a place to live? You can look into your city's welfare for that.
Do you need prenatal care? Here is some info about that:
Low or No Cost Prenatal Care - Free Prenatal Care
Do you need baby stuff? There are many groups that like to help with that, like Birthright above, and do a google search for free baby stuff:
https://www.google.com/search?q=baby...hrome&ie=UTF-8
Finding other preschool Moms is a very good idea and support network, try this for in person live groups:
MOPS International - Group Search
and this google search for Mom forums:
https://www.google.com/search?q=mom+...hrome&ie=UTF-8
Do you need to learn how to care for a baby? Another google search has a lot of helpful hints and advice:
https://www.google.com/search?q=how+...hrome&ie=UTF-8
Ok, good luck, my prayers are with you. Start learning and growing in your new journey.
Whatever you do, never ever leave your baby with your parents, no matter what they promise they cannot be trusted. Ever. I never left mine with my parents once. You are the only one that can be your baby's defense. This is a job that will take the next 19 years of your life being devoted to the baby.
Do you want emotional support? This group is church based but non judgmental and they can really help, emotionally and financially:
Birthright International - 800-550-4900
Do you need to know what to expect being pregnant? Here is a good information from Mayo Clinic online:
First trimester pregnancy: What to expect - MayoClinic.com
and
A Week-by-Week Pregnancy Calendar
Do you need assistance financially, or a place to live? You can look into your city's welfare for that.
Do you need prenatal care? Here is some info about that:
Low or No Cost Prenatal Care - Free Prenatal Care
Do you need baby stuff? There are many groups that like to help with that, like Birthright above, and do a google search for free baby stuff:
https://www.google.com/search?q=baby...hrome&ie=UTF-8
Finding other preschool Moms is a very good idea and support network, try this for in person live groups:
MOPS International - Group Search
and this google search for Mom forums:
https://www.google.com/search?q=mom+...hrome&ie=UTF-8
Do you need to learn how to care for a baby? Another google search has a lot of helpful hints and advice:
https://www.google.com/search?q=how+...hrome&ie=UTF-8
Ok, good luck, my prayers are with you. Start learning and growing in your new journey.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 8
Originally Posted by Kialua 
You didn't say how old you are and if you are still living with your parents, or boyfriend. I would say please don't live with your parents no matter what, and be really careful and diligent if your bf is using. It can be really really hard to know, users are very sneaky and lie a lot.
Thank you for the advice everyone I feel a lot better now that I have slept and my hormones have calmed down a bit
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