Gaslighting
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,572
Gaslighting
Ive spent so many years on my own issues I haven't been able to soberly assess the treatment that I was subjected to.
Now I don't know what was true about my childhood in particular.
When I look back now, without the deception and lies, and think about my own perception, there was all kinds of stuff going on, abuse, addiction, denial.
I dont really know what to do with all of it, but it helps explain kind of a lot.
Does any of this make sense?
Now I don't know what was true about my childhood in particular.
When I look back now, without the deception and lies, and think about my own perception, there was all kinds of stuff going on, abuse, addiction, denial.
I dont really know what to do with all of it, but it helps explain kind of a lot.
Does any of this make sense?
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,572
Fitz, Im laughing right now, cause I read your post as an ex-veterinarian turned therapist, and I thought, thats an interesting career move!
Yeah, I think I had PTSD too, but I don't know how long it lasts. Broke my neck in a traumatic accident in the 80s, and plenty of violence too.
May need some one on one time.
And if I have never before said it - Thank you for your service.
Yeah, I think I had PTSD too, but I don't know how long it lasts. Broke my neck in a traumatic accident in the 80s, and plenty of violence too.
May need some one on one time.
And if I have never before said it - Thank you for your service.
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
I was diagnosed with PTSD after I threw ex out. I don't think that it was one issue that caused it, I believe that years of abuse at the hands of my alcoholic mother was the real cause and unfortunately, she is still alive and drinking at age 87, so although I am much better, I still have unresolved issues that haunt me.
Getting to the root of the turmoil is painful, and honestly sometimes I wish that I had just left it alone.
To an extent, therapy helped me. I have had to muddle through the rest of the crap myself, it has turned into a full time job!
Getting to the root of the turmoil is painful, and honestly sometimes I wish that I had just left it alone.
To an extent, therapy helped me. I have had to muddle through the rest of the crap myself, it has turned into a full time job!
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 688
Yes, it makes sense...I think.
I, too, have had to look back after many years far from my family, and then moving back, as an adult, with those years away, to see the behavior again close up, and reflect on the 'normal' and 'good' childhood and family I was always told I had.
Where I really began to see clearly was in raising my own children, how no matter how irritated or angry or simply out of sorts I might be, I would never do or say to them the things my 'good' parents said and did to me.
What I have done with it is process, remember, sort out, make a decision to give my children better, see my parents for the backgrounds from which they came and have compassion for two broken, messed-up people, while staying far away from them. (Easy enough to do...I only live a mile from them, but even on the rare occasion I see my mother in the grocery store, she walks right by without acknowledging me.)
I have put good things in my life, joined a group for the art I love. I have met people there who like and respect me. I have read self help books and gone on internet forums and learned to say point blank and calmly to the (now ex) husband who was always yelling at me, "Stop yelling at me." (Yeah, amazingly, after a few times, it did work!)
I started taking time for myself and doing things I loved. I'm not a big one on this whole current 'me-time' (even the grammatical inaccuracy of it drives me insane!
) But I do think getting a little balance is important. I bought myself a latte now and again (haha, like 4 times a year!) I buy myself a few clothes I really like now. In short, after years of being told by my parents that I didn't need anything, could do without, after years of sacrificing so I could pay off the debt xh kept racking up...I started acting like I was someone worth caring about.
I went to a counselor who did EMDR therapy, and while the PTSD with which I was diagnosed was at the time 'blamed on' the (now ex) husband and his years of yelling and gaslighting and more, I now believe that it started with the same sort of treatment from my parents.
I hope there's something in there that helps. Best of luck in your journey.
I, too, have had to look back after many years far from my family, and then moving back, as an adult, with those years away, to see the behavior again close up, and reflect on the 'normal' and 'good' childhood and family I was always told I had.
Where I really began to see clearly was in raising my own children, how no matter how irritated or angry or simply out of sorts I might be, I would never do or say to them the things my 'good' parents said and did to me.
What I have done with it is process, remember, sort out, make a decision to give my children better, see my parents for the backgrounds from which they came and have compassion for two broken, messed-up people, while staying far away from them. (Easy enough to do...I only live a mile from them, but even on the rare occasion I see my mother in the grocery store, she walks right by without acknowledging me.)
I have put good things in my life, joined a group for the art I love. I have met people there who like and respect me. I have read self help books and gone on internet forums and learned to say point blank and calmly to the (now ex) husband who was always yelling at me, "Stop yelling at me." (Yeah, amazingly, after a few times, it did work!)
I started taking time for myself and doing things I loved. I'm not a big one on this whole current 'me-time' (even the grammatical inaccuracy of it drives me insane!
) But I do think getting a little balance is important. I bought myself a latte now and again (haha, like 4 times a year!) I buy myself a few clothes I really like now. In short, after years of being told by my parents that I didn't need anything, could do without, after years of sacrificing so I could pay off the debt xh kept racking up...I started acting like I was someone worth caring about.I went to a counselor who did EMDR therapy, and while the PTSD with which I was diagnosed was at the time 'blamed on' the (now ex) husband and his years of yelling and gaslighting and more, I now believe that it started with the same sort of treatment from my parents.
I hope there's something in there that helps. Best of luck in your journey.
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Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Southern Ontario, Canada
Posts: 1,618
I have severe PTSD, and anxiety. And I totally understand what it feels like to be totally confused about things that have happened to you. Sometimes I feel so confused I have no idea what the truth was. Sorry this isnt much help...I just understand 
.
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Join Date: Sep 2011
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I know I suffer from PTDS from my childhood of beatings from alcoholic Dad. I will say that after coming to this site, I have been able to handle it much better. I am much more aware of it and try to control it better or just wait it out. I live in actual safety but still whenever I hear anger from afar I get physically tense and my heart races. I tell myself I am not at my childhood home, I am safe, have been safe for decades and to wait it out. Amazing what the mind does.
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Originally Posted by Kialua 
I know I suffer from PTDS from my childhood of beatings from alcoholic Dad. I will say that after coming to this site, I have been able to handle it much better. I am much more aware of it and try to control it better or just wait it out. I live in actual safety but still whenever I hear anger from afar I get physically tense and my heart races. I tell myself I am not at my childhood home, I am safe, have been safe for decades and to wait it out. Amazing what the mind does.
I also remember her talking to a friend about how painful the broken blood vessels in her hands were from hitting me.
So my memories and other things did add up to what I was told.
I will probably never know the truth.
I do remember feeling anxious scared, an distrustful all the time, and turned to drugs and alcohol at a very young age.
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