Co-Dependent?
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Banchy
"Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie is excellent as well as her book "The Language of Letting Go"
Also, we started a Step Study at the top of the Nar-Anon forum and would be happy to have you join us. Or just read it and get the hang of how it works.
Hugs
Ann
"Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie is excellent as well as her book "The Language of Letting Go"
Also, we started a Step Study at the top of the Nar-Anon forum and would be happy to have you join us. Or just read it and get the hang of how it works.
Hugs
Ann
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Canada
Posts: 14
Yep, I have always been that way too. I always thought I just was good at adapting to different situations. In high school I was friends with a bunch of different groups, I could get along with the 'snobs', the 'jocks', the 'nerds', the 'bad kids', and I was different with all of them. I don't mean a complete lie of a person, but each group saw different parts of my personality. Even now it is like that. I have friends who are partiers, and some more who are more of the stay at home type. At my bacholorette party I was sort of stressed out because I knew there were two totally different groups of people there and I was different with each of them. How was I going to act, how would I please all of them the same time.
I'm also curious as to what are the steps to stop being this way.
I'm also curious as to what are the steps to stop being this way.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,955
Lonelygirl,
These are the 12 steps of Codependents Anonymous:
1. We admitted we were powerless over others - that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and lives over to the care of God as we understood God.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being, the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other co-dependents, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
These are the 12 steps of Codependents Anonymous:
1. We admitted we were powerless over others - that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and lives over to the care of God as we understood God.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being, the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other co-dependents, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
Paused
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Bath,PA
Posts: 1
Originally Posted by Gabe
Hey Lonelygirl,
Hi, welcome and I'm glad you joined us.
Here is a list of the characteristics of codependents:
My good feelings about who I am stem from being liked by you.
My good feelings about who I am stem from receiving approval from you.
Your struggle affects my serenity. My mental attention focuses on solving your problems/relieving your pain.
My mental attention is focused on you.
My mental attention is focused on protecting you.
My mental attention is focused on manipulating you to do it my way.
My self-esteem is bolstered by solving your problems.
My self-esteem is bolstered by relieving your pain.
My own hobbies/interests are put to one side. My time is spent sharing your hobbies/interests.
Your clothing and personal appearance are dictated by my desires and I feel you are a reflection of me.
Your behavior is dictated by my desires and I feel you are a reflection of me.
I am not aware of how I feel. I am aware of how you feel.
I am not aware of what I want - I ask what you want.
I am not aware - I assume.
The dreams I have for my future are linked to you.
My fear of rejection determines what I say or do.
My fear of your anger determines what I say or do.
I use giving as a way of feeling safe in our relationship.
My social circle diminishes as I involve myself with you.
I put my values aside in order to connect with you.
I value your opinion and way of doing things more than my own.
The quality of my life is in relation to the quality of yours.
People who feel they are codependent may have some or all of these characteristics.
Hope this helps.
Peace,
Gabe
Hi, welcome and I'm glad you joined us.
Here is a list of the characteristics of codependents:
My good feelings about who I am stem from being liked by you.
My good feelings about who I am stem from receiving approval from you.
Your struggle affects my serenity. My mental attention focuses on solving your problems/relieving your pain.
My mental attention is focused on you.
My mental attention is focused on protecting you.
My mental attention is focused on manipulating you to do it my way.
My self-esteem is bolstered by solving your problems.
My self-esteem is bolstered by relieving your pain.
My own hobbies/interests are put to one side. My time is spent sharing your hobbies/interests.
Your clothing and personal appearance are dictated by my desires and I feel you are a reflection of me.
Your behavior is dictated by my desires and I feel you are a reflection of me.
I am not aware of how I feel. I am aware of how you feel.
I am not aware of what I want - I ask what you want.
I am not aware - I assume.
The dreams I have for my future are linked to you.
My fear of rejection determines what I say or do.
My fear of your anger determines what I say or do.
I use giving as a way of feeling safe in our relationship.
My social circle diminishes as I involve myself with you.
I put my values aside in order to connect with you.
I value your opinion and way of doing things more than my own.
The quality of my life is in relation to the quality of yours.
People who feel they are codependent may have some or all of these characteristics.
Hope this helps.
Peace,
Gabe
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