The holidays begin
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,437
The holidays begin
with my birthday. Every year I plug along doing just fine, then my birthday hits, this Sunday this year. I always go through wishing for the happy family with siblings and family loving me. I get a couple late email birthday wishes from a couple sibs and that's about it.
Of course my husband and daughter remembers me and that is enough.
The pain inflicted by years of growing up with traumatic birthdays always tries to rear it's ugly head though. My last birthday party growing up was when I was 16. In our family we had a cute tradition of making a big bow corsage and tying 16 little sugar cubes to it for sweet sixteen and having a doll cake, the standing doll with the big dress of cake decorated like a gown. Of course I was looking forward to my turn after watching my two older sisters go through it and some cousins. Well my alcoholic Dad was angry and for some reason he was actually home. He usually went on hunting trips and missed my birthday which was fine with me. This time he was cussing me out, pushing me around and announcing that there was not going to be any party for me for some imagined infraction that I had long ago given up trying to understand or care. So off to my room to hide.
An hour later my adult sister and her three babies showed up with a cake and the coveted corsage. She said we WERE SO going to celebrate, so we did. I really appreciated her but of course the alcoholic Dad was still mad. So out I came trying to muster up a smile, covered from head to toe to hide the bruises. Two siblings out of five and two upset parents. Happy birthday to me. This is the happiest smile I could muster up.
So this weekend I am going to be vigilant on not dwelling on the past and look to the future. Not going to let this hit me blindsided because I am hitting head on! There are other bigger problems in the world than me having crappy siblings.
Of course my husband and daughter remembers me and that is enough.
The pain inflicted by years of growing up with traumatic birthdays always tries to rear it's ugly head though. My last birthday party growing up was when I was 16. In our family we had a cute tradition of making a big bow corsage and tying 16 little sugar cubes to it for sweet sixteen and having a doll cake, the standing doll with the big dress of cake decorated like a gown. Of course I was looking forward to my turn after watching my two older sisters go through it and some cousins. Well my alcoholic Dad was angry and for some reason he was actually home. He usually went on hunting trips and missed my birthday which was fine with me. This time he was cussing me out, pushing me around and announcing that there was not going to be any party for me for some imagined infraction that I had long ago given up trying to understand or care. So off to my room to hide.
An hour later my adult sister and her three babies showed up with a cake and the coveted corsage. She said we WERE SO going to celebrate, so we did. I really appreciated her but of course the alcoholic Dad was still mad. So out I came trying to muster up a smile, covered from head to toe to hide the bruises. Two siblings out of five and two upset parents. Happy birthday to me. This is the happiest smile I could muster up.
So this weekend I am going to be vigilant on not dwelling on the past and look to the future. Not going to let this hit me blindsided because I am hitting head on! There are other bigger problems in the world than me having crappy siblings.
Bunnies!
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,905
Special occasions and holidays were always a nightmare in my house, too. I found myself dreading holidays even when AM and Co. weren't around. Chalk it up to PTSD. I hope you have a lovely birthday free of sad memories. You certainly deserve it!
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 110
Happy (early) Birthday Kialua!
I am also dreading the holidays. Well Thanksgiving. The last Thanksgiving when I lived under my parents roof, my father started throwing the dining room chairs and beat my sister with the phone..... I'm hoping my family will still be in the so-glad-we-all-survived-hurricane-Sandy mode that they seem to be in now. And when not, they will be angry, but over their ruined house and cars.
It's really screwed up that because of a natural disaster we'll have all sorts of things to talk about and plans to make.
This Christmas it will be just my husband, the cat and I, and I can't wait
I am also dreading the holidays. Well Thanksgiving. The last Thanksgiving when I lived under my parents roof, my father started throwing the dining room chairs and beat my sister with the phone..... I'm hoping my family will still be in the so-glad-we-all-survived-hurricane-Sandy mode that they seem to be in now. And when not, they will be angry, but over their ruined house and cars.
It's really screwed up that because of a natural disaster we'll have all sorts of things to talk about and plans to make.
This Christmas it will be just my husband, the cat and I, and I can't wait
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Hello there Kialua, and I hope you have a _truly_ good birthday with a happy life that you have built for yourself.
uh-huh. yup. I know that feeling. Used to be overwhelming, now it only pops once in a while and just for a few moments. One of the "gifts" of recovery is that I have created my own "family of choice" that does love me and care for me in healthy ways.
Did not have that particular tradition in my "family of origin", but we had others. Like Christmas. What a horror, everybody drunk, fighting. I think I understand what you mean.
Oh good for you !!!! That is just awesome !!!!
What I have done is create my _own_ traditions. I have my own Christmas my own way. Every year I go out and find a small butterfly ornament for my Christmas tree. I use the butterfly because it is the symbol of al-anon, it represents how we grow from a caterpillar to a butterfly with wings. Funny thing is, I share that tradition with friends that come visit and most of the time I end up giving the butterflies away to newbies in ACoA who are just starting their own recovery.
That works out just fine, my tree is a tiny little thing anyway, don't know that it can handle more than two or three butterflies anyway
How about you? Do you have any traditions of your own that you have started with your daughter and husband?
Mike
Originally Posted by Kialua 
....I always go through wishing for the happy family with ....
Originally Posted by Kialua
... In our family we had a cute tradition of making a ....
Originally Posted by Kialua
.... So this weekend I am going to be vigilant on not dwelling on the past and look to the future. Not going to let this hit me blindsided because I am hitting head on!....
What I have done is create my _own_ traditions. I have my own Christmas my own way. Every year I go out and find a small butterfly ornament for my Christmas tree. I use the butterfly because it is the symbol of al-anon, it represents how we grow from a caterpillar to a butterfly with wings. Funny thing is, I share that tradition with friends that come visit and most of the time I end up giving the butterflies away to newbies in ACoA who are just starting their own recovery.
That works out just fine, my tree is a tiny little thing anyway, don't know that it can handle more than two or three butterflies anyway
How about you? Do you have any traditions of your own that you have started with your daughter and husband?
Mike
Last edited by DesertEyes; 11-05-2012 at 09:05 PM. Reason: fixed broken quotes
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,437
Thanks all, it was a lovely day and I refused to allow any disappointments rear their ugly heads. I think delving into it and confronting the old crap helped. Now I am armed for the holiday season ahead ha ha.
Mike what a great tradition. No I don't think I've thought of starting any new traditions like that but what a great idea. I'll have to think about what to start.
Mike what a great tradition. No I don't think I've thought of starting any new traditions like that but what a great idea. I'll have to think about what to start.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 179
I'm glad to hear you had a good birthday and plan to carry that forward into making this holiday season your own. It's always a crap shoot what the family can come up with. But at least we get to control how we react to it now. Growing up and moving out does have it's benifits.
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