Jur123

I'm not sure if it's ACOA trait or not, but I'm very very sensitive if anybody behaves disrespectfully to me or people around me. I usually can't shake it off and keep ruminating about it for a long time. Like today some kid 8-9 years old said some disrespectfull words to me and I can't stop thinking about it. I usually start to ruminate that it must be me and I look or behave in some sort of way that attracts disrespectfull people (it doesn't happen often and I know that it happenes to everybody, but I can't to shake off the feeling that it must be me). Can anybody relate?

NWGRITS

I've been known to be overly sensitive to things people say or do. I overreact to a lot of stuff, which is pretty typical of ACoA. It bugs my husband to no end, but I remind him that it's going to take a long time for me to learn to deal with these knee-jerk reactions and get into a place where I can react "normally," whatever that is.

dizzychainsaw

Yes!!! I am very sensitive to other people's words and actions. Overly sensitive.

interrupted

Absolutely. I will mull things over again and again in my mind constantly for days before I can finally let them go. Even really ridiculous stuff that shouldn't matter at all. It's very hard for me to let something "roll off my back" as they say. I don't respond with that affect, because like most of us I'm an old pro at pretending everything is fine, but privately stuff like that eats me alive.

I hate this and I'm working very hard on trying to not be so overly-sensitive.

Kialua

This was a hard one for me to put in order but I worked at it for many years. Not taking offense is a choice just like anything else. I found distancing myself from such people, even children, is what works. Otherwise I have to forgive many times if it's someone at work or daily contact that I can't control. But it is not healthy to ruminate so I hope you can find some tools that work for you.

frances2011

Yes. For me, it's part of the ACOA package of constant vigilance/watchfulness/fearfulness.
I overcompensate by trying to be "Perfect" so anything even mildly negative feels like a "Failure" to me.

A HUGE gift of Recovery is that I can try new things in my career and not be CRUSHED. I am still very very tender in personal relationships but that is getting way better too.

klong0712

I am horribly oversensitive. A while back my stepmom said something that made me think she was mad at me. I worried about it for days until I saw her again. She didn't even remember saying it and was not unhappy with me at all. I felt so ridiculous.

womaninprogress

I have been thinking about this alot lately. I use to think I was "super sensitive". Now I just think I am sensitive and gentle, that's just me. I don't apologize for it, I wish the world had more people like me in it.

I only recently came to this conclusion, after my boss was screaming and cussing at me, for weeks I accepted the behavior and constantly talked myself out of feeling upset. Well damn it, it's not ok to talk to me like that and if that makes me seem "overly sensitive" to him, that's his problem. And I told him as much, "if you can not speak to me with respect, you need to find my replacement".

I'm coming to terms with the fact that I always stuff my feelings and talk myself out of them and feel like there's something wrong with me. Well, there's not. I'm just fine. And I generally gauge it by asking myself if I would treat someone the way I'm letting them treat me. I believe in the Golden Rule.

Chris1000101

I can relate to what many have said. I may have more to share later because I’m getting hung on the revenge that I use to plane/execute. If I couldn’t stuff it within 2-3 days, I would retaliate or blow stuff up. I won’t go into details but let’s say some of my amends have been costly or I was just stupidly dangerous.

MikeH

I'm very sensitive. I think it comes "with the turf." :-) Realizing that I'm that way is the 1st step to dealing with it. But I think it's something I'm always going to need to watch. I think that being concerned about what other people think of us is a normal human trait that everyone has; it's just that those of us from dysfunctional families amplify it a little more than others... :-)

Kialua

Yikes, blow things up? Like what?

Justaworkinprog

I have failed to notice when i am in friendships/relationships w people who do not actually care much about me. Inevitably, there comes a time when something is blatant enough to get me to notice. Then i am dumbfounded and raging inside for a long time.

Once i see , i get away from them. They are generally pissed at my going away and try manipulation, guilt, aggression to get my attention back. Once i go away though, it's final. Trouble is, it takes me being kicked in the face too many times to realize it's an unhealthy place for me and not a fpreal friend.

In truth, had i looked sooner, i might have noticed over something less offensive and gotten out of the way of an unhealthy one sided relationship sooner. Instead, i keep trying to earn their love. Had i noticed and left sooner, my no contact response might not be so extreme. See a train coming, get off the tracks.

dbh

I have been told that I am over sensitive and that I need to develop a tougher "skin".

I would take every harsh word that was said to me to heart and found it difficult to take the source of the comment into consideration.

Most unkind words have nothing to do with me. It has more to do with the person saying these things.

I do struggle with when I should say something/stand up for myself and when I should just ignore a comment. I hate when an event replays itself in my mind over and over again. Maybe that's a sign that I should have said something?

For example, yesterday my mother-in-law made a comment on one of my facebook postings that I can't stop thinking about. She can be a difficult woman, tends to always think she is right, and likes to have the last word.

I decided to ignore her post and also decided to not invite her for Thanksgivings this year. They live about 12 hours away and we haven't seen them in awhile. We typically don't see them for Thanksgiving, but thought it might be nice this year. After her comment, all I can think about is how stressful her visits can be for me.

Keep thinking if I was stronger emotionally she wouldn't bother me as much. I hate depriving my children of a chance to spend time with their grandparents simply because I'm "sensitive". Guess it can also be looked at as SHE is depriving herself the chance to spend time with her grandchildren by being difficult to be around. Maybe it's a little of both.

Thanks for letting me share.

db

EveningRose

Wow, can I relate!!!

I look back at my marriage and suspect it was not deep love on his part from the beginning. I felt for years that my parents were acting like they didn't really want me to bring the kids to visit them (at great difficulty and expense to myself), but thought, Nawwwww! Of course grandparents want to see their grandchildren. It's just the way they are.

Now...I think my gut feeling was right. I think they saw it as a miserable trial to have me descend on them with the kids. I think I could have saved myself thousands of dollars and hours over the years and we'd all have been happier.

Synfull Vyxun

I too am so over sensitive, people say things and I think they mean it as a joke, but it hurts so much and I dwell on it all, it goes over and over in my head, my heart pounds and I start shaking, I have to force myself to breathe and try to think of something else, Mother says this is because I am pothead, but this is not true, my paranoia has been proved true as I have video and photo's, but it does get right inside you, I had some kids telling me I was disgusting the other day for picking up my dogs poo in the park, when walking her, I felt like shouting at them, 'do you want stand or fall over in it while playing' but abusing children in the park is a big no no. ha ha! You are not alone, I have no idea why we do this, as I still haven't got an appointment to talk to a professional and to get help sorting it all in my head, but finding out we are not the only ones, helps me a little bit.

Kialua

Just curious, it's the law that we pick up dog poo here, isn't it there? And why would that hurt you?
1. They are kids, who cares what they say if they are being mean/stupid
2. It's the right thing to do.

Allowing others to hurt us is something I have learned to control throughout the years. It is our job, not theirs. We can't control things people say to us, we have to control how we internalize it.

Kialua

I found this a very interesting site," The Highly Sensitive Person" (HSP). They have a self test for free, many articles, and a work book. I may not agree one hundred percent with all their findings but it is very interesting that being sensitive is a world wide phenomenon. Ours comes from being raised by alcoholic parents, others by other means. But it's good reading and somewhat insightful.
The Highly Sensitive Person

Synfull Vyxun

It is the law, you can get fined, but I have never met anyone or seen the police enforce this, and there is dog poo all over the place here, streets and parks. This is why I want to go home to Australia. I'm going to look into this website you mention. My mother spent half of my life saying do what you want to do, then the other half saying what will people think of you if you do or do not do this. I am so confused as she has changed and so have her morals, she is still trying to teach me things although I am 27, hence why I need to get out!!! I was so happy when I moved out the first time at 16, it was heaven.

crazybabie

I cry at some commercials and non sad TV shows yep I am way over sensitive,I also skip the news often due to the sadness there. I am just now seeing what being an ACOA, has done to me. I have so much to overcome.

Redapples

When I was younger I use to seriously over react. If it wasn't embarassment it was rage. I cannot say I had a happy childhood. I trusted no one, I never had any friends, most people I grew up with in Goose Bay had the same problem. Their parent/s drank. I remember going to a teen alanon meeting once and stopped because I knew people there. So I didn't feel comfortable talking because I felt they would gossip about me.

I felt I was always a failure. Even now I feel I can't excel. People I know say I am smart but I feel stupid.

I still do not trust anyone, you would think after all this time as an adult we would reason with ourselves and know there are good people out there. Nope I think people have ulterior motives or they are using me.