Self parenting
 

Hi,
I am interested in how others on this site self parent themselves. I realise I have "holes" in my heart where my mum should have parented me and didn't. I am not aware of what these holes are or how to go about finding out what I need to repair these holes. My childhood was very inconsistant and therefore identifying what is missing is proving difficult. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Michael

That's a really good question that requires a lot of thought. I can see I don't do a good job with my diet and exercise taking care of my own self, but I do a good job with my moral compass and living a good life. Relying on the church in principle since I left home and married. It gave me direction for daily living and purpose which was sorely lacking as I grew up. The chaos, which you probably relate, didn't give me any direction except how to stay out of the way or pay for it.

Hello Michael,

A lot of things in this programme are a paradox. I am doing the self parenting thang with the Yellow Workbook. But I am doing it along with my buddy, my fellow traveler.

Because of the gaps in my emotional growth it is important to integrate my learning in the company of other people.

cheers,
DavidG.:thanks

Thanks guys,
On further thought, I feel that my growth is also dependent on other people. Not in a codependent way but in a "I see you, you are here" kind of way. I am scared of meeting people which does not help. What do others do to integrate emotionally healthy people into their lives, or you into their lives?

I am working the yellow book with a fellow ACA, it's taken me 9 months to just complete step one due to a start that needed starting again.. It raised loads of stuff, rubbish feelings and all sorts, but I understand the idea of the first step is to get you out of denial.

As before, any input is greatly appreciated.
Michael

Sorry - what is the Yellow workbook? I have a red book, but it's the first time I heard about the Yellow

The yellow book is the ACA Workbook -- it's a spiral-bound book that has both readings (taken from the red book) and writing exercises.

I went through it with a sponsor a year or so ago, and it was the best thing I ever did -- putting the stuff down on paper forces you to really own your life and accept what has happened. A good sponsor can help find the patterns that show up, based on your work in the written exercises.

Highly recommended!

T

Michael,

I'm new to ACA since July. I have a sponsor and I've started working the steps.

My "plan" so far is to work through the steps. And then work through the loving parent/inner child. They aren't really separate pieces. I think a lot will be happening as I work through the steps and use the Laundry List as a check in. But I think working on the spiritual piece first will help with the rest of the healing process. And the second issue is that I'm trying to not overwhelm myself and keep the perspective of progress in mind.

I also have a therapist which helps.

I think the holes are going to be different for each of us and using the tools, checking in with the laundry list, prayer/meditation can help us identify what areas we need to work on.

Starting to recognize feelings and working to not be in isolation are huge issues for me.

Thanks.
Vicki

Jur you can get the workbook here - unless a local meeting sells it.
shop.adultchildren.org/ACA-Books_c2.htm

Oh lookey I'm so new here I can't add that as a link phooey