Payne

I'm an acoa. At this point I have worked a lot on my recovery but when I fall back into old patterns I do it fast and hard. I have been blessed with some amazing people in.my life who have been supportive by offering to take me to my first dozen or so al anon meetings. Who have on their own research ACOA behaviors and feelings to better understand me. And have consistently told me how much they love me for who o am but pray for my own hapoiness for me not for them.

Lately I have been wondering if anyone has any advice to help keept my worse tendencies in check while I learn new, better habits. Like this weekend I was tired beyond belief. And I alternated between being ultra hyper and helpful and being a grumpy curmudgeon. Any advice on balancing those. Basically I was wondering if anyone, friends family of acoas or recovering acoas had any advice on how to practice healthier traits until they become as firm as the ones we want...

Kialua

Sleep was a huge issue for me. I always went to bed by 10 pm and Saturday so I could get up for church. For me thing just fell apart emotionally, spiritually and physically if I miss my bedtime and my 8 hours. It's so important to get an uninterrupted sleep period. I literally had to train myself, with 1/2 of tv, then soft radio and lights out. Without sleep I was in constant chaos mode, always edgy and stressed. It's a discipline that has to be won. One thing prisoners of war were subjected to was interrupted/lack of sleep and it makes them crazy. No less us with the stress we lived with as children.

Payne

Definitely great advice. I have my friends on advanced warning because I'm working seventy hours in four and a half days every week of October. I apologized in advance and asked them to blatantly tell me if its affecting how I act. My dog ate something last month and racked up a $1400 vet bill I had to pay before the month was out! Ouch, but yes I can't wait to get back to normal!!

MycoolFitz

I try to find something that can make me laugh. and I talk to my mom every day by phone. I isolated from family for about 20 years. I carried hurt in my heart and all it did was hurt.

Payne

My dogs are my pick me up after a long hard week my bermese' goofy smile always makes me giggle!

I am loving the ideas! For me honesty and open ness too. I encourage the people around me to be extra open with me. It makes it easier to shut my brain off and stop looking for what I'm not being told.

NWGRITS

I find myself having to constantly be on guard for old habits that aren't healthy. Like looking for the bad or seeing "suspicious" things where they don't exist. I got hyper-vigilant about EVERYTHING and it's really ruined some relationships because I got batsh*t crazy over nothing. It's a constant process of messing up and catching myself, and then learning from it. And sleep. Yes, getting enough sleep makes all the difference in the world. But I'm almost 37 weeks pregnant now, sleep is a luxury, and I've found myself getting crazy again because I'm only half with it these days.

Payne

That's what spurred on me asking those around me to be brutally honest sometimes. I explained to them how falling into old habits is like going down a hill and forgetting.to apply the brakes. If someone tells me "hey you're being codependent, or over thinking, or brooding over nothing" its easier to stop.but once I get up enough speed its nearly impossible to stop.it any other way but to crash.and burn. Keeping people around me who are interested and strong enough themselves to want to understand where I come from, and also to not let me become too codie which is my hardest one to break.

Payne

Mycoolfitz - sorry I missed yours. I totally agree. I know I'm always a step away from hermitting out and crawling into my own dark and twisty place when I spiral and staying connected makes all the difference. Opening up to someone else can help keep the "what if" tango to a minimum, atleast for me!