ozcodep

hi my name is brad,
i am an adult child of an alcoholic.
my father is an alcoholic as is his 4 brothers, my step grandfather was also an alcoholic. i've been in recovery for 3 months now and i'm currently reading FACING CO-DEPENDANCE by pia mellody, it's really opened my eyes and things seem to make alot more sense now. i still have a long way to go though.
i've been getting some incredible counseling, today in counseling i was 5 years old, crying because my parents wouldn't stop arguing, i felt lonely, sad and ANGRY, but i didn't feel that i was allowed to feel anger so i just stuffed it down (i've been doing this all my life). all of a sudden there was a knock on the door, it was adult brad to the rescue, he picked me up, hugged me and confronted my parents and asked them to stop arguing for me, my parents seemed lost and confused so i asked adult brad to take me away, and he did, all of a sudden i felt completely safe and loved.
i found out that there is an ACOA meeting in my state, i'm going to call them up and see if i can join in.
learning to live one moment at a time and to focus on myself.
happy to be here
brad

Katchus

Okay, so I thought I would finally introduce myself.

My nickname is Katchus (this might offend some), it is Latin and it means, "Cat from hell". It was given to me because a friend of mine thought it fit me during debates. You may call me Kat.

I'm also an ACoA. I don't like using "titles" or "catagories" for who I am however it does fit those of us who grew up with the harsh reality of the disease.

I'm thirty six years young, married seventeen years, have three beautiful, intelligent children and I'm a paralegal-on-hold. I'm on-hold because my children come first and when my children need me, everything else gets put on the back burner. I take great pride in being an awesome domestic engineer.

I enjoy reading the posts on this board, it never ceases to amaze me how witty, charming and intelligent ACoA's can be. I honestly think we strive to be better "all around" in our lives as adults than those we grew up with.

The other thing I find that brings a smile to my face while reading the posts, you out there who "tell it like it is". I admire honesty and "shoot from the hip" type of people. What you see is what you get, I like that.

I considered myself the "Gate Keeper" of the family. I was the one who held the crumbling foundation together. I was the protector. I was known as the keeper of the family gate. I think that happens to those of us who are the eldest sibling or the eldest boy or girl in the family. I was the third child but the eldest girl. I took on the role of "mother", "first aid helper", "cook", "disciplinarian", "rule maker", "time manager", "lunch maker", "bath runner"....I'm sure you know the list rather well yourself, if you are relating to this post.

I can honestly say that my saving grace was the "system" and being placed in a healthy foster home, where I learned what healthy relationships felt like, looked like and how to build one with those I met. I learned to take from those who enter my life, positive things and apply them. I've also learned that if there is something I don't like about someone, I leave it, knowing that adding it to my life will only fracture my foundation.

I'm glad that all of you post here to share your thoughts, feelings, pain, triumphs, challenges, dreams and desires with me. Thank you for taking the time to share, it is appreciated more than you know.

Kat-

Julie1016

Hi, I'm Julie. I grew up with a Mom as an alcoholic. Came to find out later in life my sister(who raised me from the 5th grade on) also had a drinking problem as did my oldest of my 2 brothers. My younger of my 2 brothers had a drug problem. When I was in 8th grade I was actually invited over to a guys house after school to get high. I told him I didn't do drugs and he laughed at me and said "Don't tell me you don't do drugs, you are so and so's sister, of course you get high" I spun around GLARED at him and told him I didn't give a crap who's sister I was and that just cuz my brother did drugs did NOT mean I had to. Yep I have NEVER been afraid to stand up for myself in that respect. MOST(99%) of my friends accepted the fact that i didn't do drugs and would actually stand up for me regarding the issue. I guess you could say i have always been the one that felt I needed to make everything better. Or at least I did tell my dad beat the crap outta me when i was 16(oh but in his eyes it was a spanking to this day...but I ended up in the ER) Oh AND he was sober. Yep my dad doesn't drink but he used to beat people. My mom being one victim, they divorced when I was 3, after he broke her rib, after pushing her down the stairs(although he says she was drunk and fell..which is perfectly believable to). I never made ANY excuses for my mom and her drinking however. Which i must admit pissed her off more times then I can count. If i had a new friend coming over I would tell them flat out, my mom is an alcoholic, she may not be sober when we get to my house so be prepared. I have however been usually the first to forgive my mom when she has drank(which at times is almost 3 months straight). I did move away from here when i was 20, and stayed away from about 10 years. I moved back to the general area, about 5 years ago with my hubby, and 3 kids. After living here nearly 5 years I see it is time to move again. I see now that living anywhere near the rest of them when things are going badly(like they have been for the past 2 months) is a SERIOUS drain on ME. I want so badly to try and always make everything alright, and yet I DO KNOW there really is NOTHING I CAN do. I thank God for my hubby and my 3 incredible kids, for they help keep me grounded and focused. I've been told by several therapists in the past how remarkable it is that I have such a good head on my shoulders and how it's remarkable that i don't hold a grudge against my mom and her drinking. Which is true, I don't hold a grudge, however nearly 2 months ago she relapsed and I have been having a VERY difficult time with it. I've never held a grudge because well in my eyes...life is just to short and I never know when she or I are going to die and if she goes first I do NOT want to have regrets on how I treated her. Unfortunantly my mom's twin sister died Dec. 2003, se too was a severe alcoholic, as a matter of fact my mom and her lived together and they were both drunk for several weeks when she died. Her children had a VERY difficult time dealing with the loss of their mom due to how they treated her. I don't want that to be a problem for me and yet..I am struggling for the very first time in my life, cuz I am finding it MUCH harder to forgive my mom this past time. Anyway that's about it for me....sorry for the ramble.

amautik

hi, I'm Jeannie. I am ACOA. My mom hasn't drank since 1979 and my father was away most of the time to work and when he was not working he went away with his friends to camp. I am 36 years old and married whom I met when I ranaway from home, we have two wonderful daughters 19 and 13 years of age. I met my husband when I got tired of being scared of my brother who used to beat me up. My husband and I were binge drinkers and had problem with drugs use. When I was using drugs I used to feel I was not shy, talkative and happy. I o.d and lost a son while I was still was using. when I was in addiction conference for the first time I felt I had a sense of belonging and understanding but kept things to myself. I used to go to my room and go cry after workshops. The morning before I flew back home I called home, was told two boys had drown. Without thinking at the airport, i do not remember going to the bar and asking for a glass of liqior. I got drunk and came home drunk. I was drunk for two weeks. I left the lights off and locked the doors and windows. I was angry and felt like no one could understand me until I was intervened by a social worker. What I was told was to talk to someone I trust before I take a drink. I was sober for seven years, I was working, working until I started to take a pot which lend me to drink. I was drinking until I saw my daughter in fear when her father was beating me up. I saw her face which made me realized I needed help and made a committment to be sober. I havn't drank and use drugs since last year. I have two oldest brothers, one is active alcoholic and drug addict and my other brother is binge drinker. I am third child and I have four younger sisters. I used to take of my sisters and tried my best to protect them, when one of my sisters were about to be beaten up I do remember a lot of times to try and get my brother mad so he would beat me up instead. I used to think alcohol and voilence was normal, we were not allowed to cry and express our feelings. When I look at my sisters I see all of us daughters met our husbands to runaway from our brother. My mom had been sober since I was 11 years old, admits she cannot take a drink alcohol. She stopped drinking alcohol when she moved her addiction to religion. Growing up I used to think my mother started drinking when I was born, learnt she started drinking way before I was born. If I was good enough she would stop drinking. I remember when she was lying on the couch sleeping, I was crying infront of her, kneeling down and telling her not to go out and not to drink. She just laid there sleeping.

Few years ago I was given a book called Healing the Child Within and realized I was ACOA. Sometimes I still find it difficult dealing with issues and I am working on some of the issues, there will be times I am hard on myself, judge myself and beat myself up to the point I am good at saying no one wants to be around me since I am a negative person at the same time I want approval and acceptance. I am working on myself to get approval and acceptance within me and to take care of me.

Just last year I just started going out from isolation and I was angry about it for feeling left behind in the world where people were living. I was angry for not having my mom there for me when I needed her, for not teaching me how to sew and for not parenting me. I was angry at myself for being angry and for being angry at my mom I was angry for being angry at my mom. This doesn't sound as making any sense but that is how I felt.

I started to pronouce words clearily, find out things and I am still learning. Last year I made a good friendship to this point I am gratful for having to found a friend who is there for me, from her help I am learning to have fun and do things. Sometimes I still find just to go out, I have to make a move. Yesterday I just find out I made up my mind I would not feel guilty and feel sorry for expressing my feelings and thoughts to be heard from one of my origin of family who I realized were not emotionally unavailable. I am happy my mom is not in the same community where I live, her words can be really hurtful.

I am also grateful for having to found this site, which I have been looking for. Another step just putting my words here since part of me think I don't think no one will understand me, and add to that I feeling unsecure since I think I am not worth being acknowledged and be heard. I am learing to put my unworthness to garbage and take steps, I am learning to feel I am worth living. And I know where my feelings come from being acoa and raised from disfunctional. I feel forturnate to have found this site since we do not have meetings here for any sort of self help groups.

mitch1971

Hi everyone!!

I am a 51 yr old adult daughter of a father who was an alcoholic and a mother with psychiatric problems. I don't ever remember a time without screaming and yelling and chaos in my parent's house. I was always trying to make things better and I was always stuck right in the middle of their blissfully happy marriage NOT. I don't ever remember any physical affection from them. They were too caught up in their own miserable lives. I have always felt depressed for as far back as I can remember. I never did start drinking myself but I have been taking antidepressants for ages. I have been diagnosed with dysthymia which is like a chronic depression. My dad stopped drinking for a while when I got older but then he started again on my wedding day. He later quit again. Now I have a son who is an alcoholic and drug user. This is breaking my heart. I tried so hard to raise my kids in a loving and accepting home. There was never any yelling and there was never any drinking. I had made up my mind that I was not going to raise my kids like I was raised. I came here to try to get help for my feelings. When I know that my son is drinking, I get flash backs of my dad coming home rip roaring drunk. It has been eating me up inside although I must admit that since I have visited this web site, I have changed my way of thinking a bit. I still have a long way to go though. God help me!! Thanks for listening.

DefofLov

You know, I was flipping through all of these introductions and I realized that I was not all alone the way it feels like I am. I hope this thread keeps going. It is nice to know I am not all alone.

Welcome all and thanx so much for sharing.