hoping

I am the daughter of an alcoholic father and my husband is an addict. Its awful to read that sentence on the computer. Anyway, I can't believe the choices I have made and I am trying to gain some personal strength. I feel less alone on this web site.

razor

I am an ACOA. It is something that I have known all of my adult life, but something that I have only recently started to come to grips with. If it were not for the love of my girlfriend, who can no longer deal with my emotional detachment from so many things, I would still be surpressing these problems. I am so grateful that she had the courage to tell me "Here's the deal, these are the problems, they are your problems not mine, and you have to do something about them if you want to continue to be with me." A huge shock to my system... But, I really do love her, and I realized that she is right. So, I sought out counseling, and the Doctor gave me a book about ACOA. I read it faster and more thoroughly than I have read anything in years. I couldn't believe that someone had written a book about me without ever talking to me. I connected with it immediately. I really want to get my life straight, and this seems to be the best method available.

My father was an alcoholic. He drank from when he got up in the morning until he went to bed. He drank at work, and he drank when he wasn't at work. He made me work with/for him so that it was easier for him to drink more. He abused drugs as well, and then blamed the track marks on his arms on the nurses at the VA hospital. Did he really believe we were that stupid? He forced his will on us like a squad of nazi stormtroopers, resist and suffer the consequences. To make it worse he had driven off my mother when I was only 7 years old, so he was all I had. Of course it was my siblings and I's fault he had no love interest, couldn't have anything to do with his drinking, because he could handle that. I could go on and on, but maybe this isn't the time or place. I know this though, HE STOLE MY CHILDHOOD, and I will never get it back.

Thank you for being here, I really needed a forumn like this. I travel on business every week for 9 months out of the year so it is impossible for me to attend a regular meeting. - Razor

Gabe

Hey Razor,
Welcome, I'm glad you joined us.
I am a firm believer that it's never too late to have a happy childhood.
What a great girlfriend you have. She wants you to be a happy, healthy person.
We're here whenever you want to jump in and share.
Peace,
Gabe

ted

HELLO ALL,I'M ted ALCOHOLIC,CHILD OF AN ALCOHOLIC.I WAS ROAMING AROUND HERE YESTERDAY,LIKE SOMEONE ELSE HERE WHEN I SAW "THE LIST", I AM MOST IF NOT ALL OF THOSE SYMTOMS,I TOO COULD NOT STOP LOOKING AT THE LIST!THE CORE OF ALOT OF MY PROBLEMS LOOKS LIKE.I'VE BEEN TRYING FOR YEARS TO STAY SOBER.I HAVENT GIVEN UP,THIS IS A REVALATION ,BE SEEIN YOU AROUND. STAY STRONG ted

Gabe

Hey there Ted,
That list is an eye-opener, isn't it?
Makes you feel like "Hey, how can they be describing me so well when they don't even know me?"
Peace,
Gabe

DefofLov

Welcome Ted, Razor, and Hoping,

I have learned so much about alcoholism and being an adult child from this website. Here you will find excellent and supportive people with awesome and powerful posts that can inspire you and that you can identify with.

Welcome aboard and good luck with your journey.

God Bless,

~Def

paula a.

I'm an ACOA, both parents, and now married to an A. I had myself convinced up until a short while ago that they didn't affect me. I wanted to believe that we create our own destinies and while our parents may instill a few values in us, that how we turn out is ultimately up to us. Wrong!! The more I read around SR the more I see that I am the peacemaker, too. I will do just about anything to avoid confrontation, and I am almost chameleon like in my ability to adapt.
It is scary to actually sit back and look back on things and see how bad it really is.
I wanna be like Gabe, I need to get those voices to quit telling me to shut up!! I am really tired of trying to make everything better for everyone else and finding myself lost in the shuffle. Do you all feel as if you don't know yourself at all? I mean, if you aren't busy trying to "fix" everyone and everything around you, just what the heck are you supposed to be doing??

Gabe

Hey Paula,
Glad you joined us. I think we do create our own destinies. That's how we get beyond the life that we lived as children of alcoholics. When we stop fixing and focusing on everyone else, we make some room to hear the voice of our inner self. That's a good voice and it's worth listening to.
It's playful and fun and it reminds us of who we really are.
For me, that's what got lost along the way.
I love finding that inner voice.
She reminds me to skip and to have fun.
Peace,
Gabe

paula a.

Thanks Gabe--you have the best thoughts! I am so happy I found this place.

Forpuppylove

Hi. I hadn't even heard of such a thing until just days ago. I've been looking into Naranon and Codependency etc.

My father was a very violent alcoholic (although not physically with us) -- my mother quit whenI was a baby, but I heard she was as well, my grandparents my brothers etc. etc. And , my husband -- who quit five years ago -- but so I found very recently can be considered a "dry alcoholic??" and moved on to drugs after that.

Anyway -- from what I've read from the posts y'all have helped alot -- and have made me think of things -- I hadn't yet (LOL if THAT makes any sense).

I'm struggling (really struggling!) with the working on myself and leaving his stuff alone -- and hope to catch some new advice and words of wisdom here.

Thanks.

Gabe

Hey ForPuppyLove,
Glad you joined us. Pull up a chair and make yourself comfortable.
Peace,
Gabe

care bear

Hi I am care bear,I am an ACOA .My father is an alchohohic and has been since before I was born.My mother was addicted to precription drugs growing up and later when I was in my early 20's became an alchoholic.I am currently married to an alchoholic and drug addict.I am working the steps and I am on step 4,which has brought me to where I am now,realizing how much help that I need.
My father was very violent,not to me but to my mother.Both parents very detached from there children.I raised my brothers and sisters,and mind you not very good.I tried my best though,for a ten year old.
I never realized that I was the one who needs the help till now,but always wondered why my life was going so wrong?Why I was so different?Why I could never laugh?Why I was so anti social and felt so bad of my self?I realize that I am addicted to misery and caos.I am so ready to get of this road and follow another one,which brought me here.

DefofLov

Hi Care Bear

Welcome!!! I hope this site helps you as much as it has helped me.

By the way...(I luv the Care Bears Movie, I watch it when I am sad )

~Def

Gabe

Hey carebear,
I'm glad you joined us. You will find a lot of encouragement and support here. Stick around.
Peace,
Gabe

mooselips

Hi,
I'm not sure why I am having just an awful time trying to place this on paper, I generally have such a big mouth..LOL
Anyway, my name is Diane, I am 53 yrs old and have been married for 34 years. I have 2 adult sons who are addicts. Also I am an R.N.
My father was a verbally abusive drinker, but he was functional, and rarely missed a day of work.
My mother, who I'm not sure was an alcoholic, joined him when he drank. My father died in 1995, and I still truly miss him. My mother is 85 and very rarely drinks. I think I have a good relationship with her, we frequently travel together to play slot machines. I do not broach any past history with her, I feel no need to.
I truly feel like I am a survivor, and have come out "mostly" unscathed. I do have confrontation issues, and will run like hell if someone should begin being loud or demonstrative.
The problem I feel most of all, is my mother has always been devoid of emotions. She has always been flat. I remember my brother accidentally burned himself, and she refused to call 911, he had to wait until my father came home. I thought it was normal not to celebrate birthdays, I can never remember seeing a birthday cake until I dated my husband.
I am the middle child, I have a sister, 9 years older, who received the brunt of my fathers verbal abuse. My brother is 8 years younger, and is a recovering addict, who deals with an anger problem.

There is plenty of dysfunctional sibling issues, that I can't even begin to talk about. Which may or may not be in direct correlation of being adult children of an alcoholic.

Since I have found this thread on ACOA, I find myself confused. I am unsure why, perhaps my mind is in overdrive, non the less I feel confused.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

sunflowergal29

Wow! This is an awesome thread! I am not an ACOA, but I am the granddaughter of 2 alcoholics- my grandfathers. This means to me that I may not have had to grow up with the alcoholism in my home, but I grew up with the beliefs and values of 2 ACOAs who have never realized that they have/are still affected by the alcoholism. In their eyes, they are resilient, and they are 100% healthy. I have learned from my own recovery in Alanon (also have been in 3 long term relationships with alcoholics/addicts and have 4 kids between the 3) that my codependency began as a child, as a result of the affects that my grandfather's drinking had on me, as well as b/c of the sick behaviors that my parents exibited.
My mom's dad was a chronic alcoholic by the time I was born, and I remember several times in my childhood when he almost died as a result. I also remember when I was 11 and the alcoholism finally did kill him (brain anurism as a result of the many bashes he had on his head). In addition, I will never forget how awful it was to hear at 12 yrs old that this man was a sex abuser (my mom and aunt as kids), that my grandmother died as a result of breast cancer that she left untreated for years due to her own depression. These events have changed me even though(by the grace of God) I did have 2 parents who tried their hardest to give me a "normal" life. I would like to keep posting here as a GACOA (granddaughter of an alcoholic). Is this ok?

DefofLov

Welcome Mooselips and Sunflowergal. Post here as you please. At least I don't see any reason why you shouldnt. Perhaps it will help you understand what your Grandbabies are going through. They will need someone who understands. Moosyyy!! Hello and welcome. I have learned so much about myself through the experiences of others and through learning about how the disease of alcoholism affects us all. God bless and take care.

~Def

Magichappens

Hey SFG,
Did we grow up with the same parents? All the crazy, none of the alcohol? My grandfather and grandmother were alcoholics. My dad is manipulative and emotionally abusive. My mom is the victim of my father's abuse and takes it out on me. They may not have intensionally messed me up, but that was the result. Alcoholism has far reaching effects.

Gabe

Hey there sunflower,
Of course it's okay if you post here. Good to see you.
It doesn't matter which part of the family the disease comes from, it affects everyone in the family.
Peace,
Gabe

Gracie1953

Hi All,

I'm Gracie. My father was an alcoholic as well as my maternal grandmother, uncle, and who knows how many others. I've been divorced for 10 years. Was married for 17 years to a decent guy. We just grew apart, and he had other issues. I'm glad to have found this site. I need some place to go where people understand the effects of alcoholism. Thanks for being here.