Synfull Vyxun

So my A mother promised me she was going to have an early night last night, as our dog passed away a couple of days ago, and our little puppy is taking it very hard.
So by 2am, I wasn't really surprised when mother was not in her bed, that's just usual nowadays.
But at 3am, I heard a tremendous crash bang wallop, as someone fell down the stairs, I was half asleep and it scared the crap out of me, so I grabbed my small knife I keep next to my bed, just in case, (I live in a pub, and ya never know when a drunk person is going to go in the wrong door looking for the toilet, or try rob us) so I went to the top of my stairs, and could hear nothing, so I slowly crept down them, shaking, fearing that I would find my mother at the bottom, but she was nowhere to be seen. I could hear her murmuring a little bit, but it did sound like kissing noises, and after the affairs and things I have seen happen when she is drunk the last few years, it wouldn't surprise me.
As she often falls and I try to help, but she pushes me away, and just wants me to pour her a drink, I give up now, and I cant stop her drinking, so I just hoped she was OK and went back to bed, as I am trying to stop stressing about her, and to finally live my own life as of a couple of weeks ago.
So this morning I get awoken by her best friend calling me, saying mother has fallen down the stairs and has a huge gash in her head, the friends dad is taking them to the hospital, and do I want picking up?? Well, I am sick as it is, and don't really want to be going in a car, and cant handle much more stressing about my mother, she keeps doing this to herself and I keep hoping one day it will be her rock bottom and she will open her eyes, but I'm still waiting.
Hopefully it is not that bad, just talked to the barman, there is a pool of blood on the bottom of the stairs, mother didn't even know until the cleaner pointed out that her head was covered in blood!!! So hopefully just a few stitches and she can go back to her beloved cider, and guilt trip me into helping her now, all cause she is injured, well as they say with hangovers, 'self inflicted, no sympathy', I know I sound like a heartless cow, but this is what she has done to me, I have made myself sick stressing and worrying about her.
So now I feel bad that I'm not going to the hospital, I feel bad that I didn't go and check on her, am I a bad daughter???
(FEW HOURS LATER)
She just rang from the hospital and she has a fractured skull and has to stay in overnight, I hope this will shock her and wake her up to herself, but I really don't think it will yet.

farfaraway

How you reacted was a matter of common sense combined with experience. It's understandable that you regret not checking up on her more thoroughly, but don't beat yourself up over it.

No one here thinks you're heartless. Not at all.

But living with your alcoholic mother in a pub sounds to me like "self inflicted, no sympathy". I'm not sure how old you are, but if you are over 18, I'd scram if I were you!

tromboneliness

The way you handled actually sounds just about right (except for the fractured skull -- but how were you supposed to know about that?). If every time the alcoholic falls, passes out, barfs, you-name-it, someone comes by and cleans everything up and puts them to bed, so the next morning they think nothing happened, they don't learn anything. That is, they learn that what they're doing is just fine, and that no matter how irresponsible, self-harming, and reckless they are, someone will pick up after them... so why should they quit drinking?

By letting the alcoholic experience the consequences of their behavior -- waking up in a mess they made, or out in the hallway, or whatever -- they're more likely to realize that maybe there's a problem here, that they might want to do something about.

Ultimately, whether your mother gets sober or not is pretty much entirely up to her. But in the end, you may have helped her out more by leaving her at the bottom of the stairs than if you'd picked her up. In any case, it is not your doing. That's the important thing to remember.

T

Justaworkinprog

Yuck! I hear your pain.
It's not your fault. You didn't cause it and you can't fix it. Likely, The doc at the hospital will talk to her about alchoholism (i've had similar experience w an x friend). Likely she will have anger at the doc. Likely she will repeat until SHE makes amother choice. You staying there is your choice. If you are a minor, do you have other adults around to duscuss? Sounds like its not a healthy place to live and another adult might be able to move provde a safer place. I lived w friends until i finished high school. People will help. If you are not a minor, it is up to you how long you want to keep yourself in a toxic place but you have yourself to blame for staying. It is hard to seperate, but you cannot help her, only you. This is no way to live. If you creat a new space foryou, around healthy people, you will begin to see tpjer/this in perspective and reap the joy of healthy. Her disease will still be painful, but you sitting in that pain daily doesnt have to be the life you make for yourself.
I was scared to let my dAd go and have no contact. Fear he'd kill himself, pain for all the pain he is in daily. But now that i don't get his emails daily (bombarded by jis pain and issues), i am not daily distracted and disabled by it. I get up and live my life each day and without his drama am free to connect to happy things. Now that he is not cuasing chaos in my brain, there isnt chaos because no one else i know is an alchy. But it was a scarry move to make. Only over time did i see it was the better way to live.

NWGRITS

I know it's hard to accept this because it goes against every concept of human decency we've ever been taught, but this is not your fault. Your actions were appropriate for the situation. Try to stop beating yourself up over it. Easier said than done, I know.

I apologize for any typos or nonsense... I'm in the hospital in labor and jyst got a shot of fentanyl.